Will we ever feel NORMAL after our fight to the death with opiates?? PAWS!

[wmwine]

Man I have waited so long for normal feelings to return but they never do.. currently in another 6 month dance with black tar and just finished my 3rd semester of college.

Been using since I was 17, I'm 21 now. Went to jail for nine months at 19, came out, still feeling anxious, depressed, stressed, brain was not RIGHT! Still feeling flat after 9 months of lockup!

In this 6 month binger I've been in I've gotten clean here and there but always come back.. Once the sickness is gone, I go right back to it and do it all over again!

What kind of insane self pain-inflicting monsters are we to put ourselves through this??

I just need support.. Acute withdrawal is a piece of cake now.. I've put myself through it over 15 times in the last 6 months and completed it.. only to return to the dope..

Its the Post acute withdrawal syndrome I can't get.. I was clean for a good length of time around December and checked into a suicide/mental health hospital requested by my PO because I just feel so fucked up. No energy, suicidal thoughts, body feels like it weighs 3 tons.. sluggish and unmotivated.. you guys know the drill here right? Nothing is pleasurable.. can't even talk to people because there is just no desire.. socialization becomes awkward because of the lack of desire to participate..

It's absolutely ruining my life.. My brain chemistry was off BEFORE the drugs.. and now if I do return to normal, what is normal? Still below fucking average! It makes me just want to keep getting high forever because its physically more bearable than the sober feeling..

I can say no to dope no problem.. I only do it because now it makes me feel normal. Life is hell. Waking up is hell. Sleep is now the only place I can be free in my thoughts and emotions..




Sorry for this post being so unexciting, but anyone want to relate with me with PAWS? What do we do? What are the solutions? I am currently using natural methods to restore natural levels of serotonin and dopamine.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

I would say the fact you keep returning to using is probably more likely to be related to your patterns of behaviour when you stop using than any sort of PAWS personally.

 

[ksralyv2mch]

I had a similar tendency but after going to jail the first time, I went back to PRISON for 2 years. That's when I had the most significant clean time, I was working out A LOT (like you'd imagine in prison) but I digress...

Dude, get to a psych, opiates FUCK you up and it takes at least a YEAR for you to return to BASELINE/NORMAL cerebral brain do dads (IDK just regurgitating what I've skimmed over and heard from DRs) I was put on Citalopram 20mg about 2 weeks into my detox and really it just felt like a hassle until about a month into being clean I had NO MORE social anxiety, I had self confidence, it was awesome! Now as with all drugs some work for some people some don't, and you CANNOT soully rely on the anti-depressant to keep you happy, it's a 50/50 thing. It'll give you the leg up to stand up, if you want to stand that is... or you can just lay down and die but that does NO ONE any good.

As omen said above, you need to reevaluate your patterns of behavior, you did not mention anywhere in your post about Hobbies or if you do exercise because if you are just getting clean and sitting around doing NOTHING with your time... you will use again. I know it's cliche... you need to replace your addiction with something healthy that you enjoy..

Trust me brother, I know it, it's like the book Smack says "I'm really looking forward to being clean again. It's this weird thing with (opiates). First off it makes you feel so good but after a bit your body gets used to it. It stops working like that. You starting NEEDING it just to stay normal... Then you get sick of it and give it up for a few days..and the real nasty thing because then, when you're clean, that's when it works so well..."

Stay strong bro, life is so much nicer when you get use to how it feels again, it's harsh at first and it takes a bit but MIND > MATTER. P.M.A.!

see a psych about anti-depressants, or don't idk I'm not a DR just speaking from personal experience, help me with PAWS