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Will this relationship ever develop into love?

Cookie2016

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 11, 2016
Messages
1
I'm a 28 year old female who started dating a 41 year old man 7 months ago. When I met him I had just come out of a relationship where I no longer loved my ex. This current relationship seemed a bit soon but we clicked and I enjoyed my time with him. So we began texting everyday all day and after our first date we've pretty much seen each about 3 times a week. We've met each other's friends and families, we've been on holiday together, he tells everyone about me, he has my picture as he's screen saver, tells me he couldn't live with out me, says he's never had a girlfriend like me and that I'm everything. But.....he said he's not yet in love with me. I find it very confusing because we act like we are in love, we're together all the time, everything else seems perfect, I literally didn't know what it meant to be treated well by a guy until I met him. I feel like I go through periods of loving him and then periods of not really knowing how I feel. He said that he feels his feelings have progressed and there are times where he thinks he loves me and times he doesn't know. I did suggest breaking up because I thought we could potentially be wasting time but he started crying and said he desperately wants me in his life. He's been so upset that he's driven to his mums this evening for advice.

My question is, do you think this can develop into love on his side or will nothing come of this? I personally feel quite confident my feelings will develop into full blown love, I just don't know about him. He said it could but it's taking a while as he's past relationships and dates just never ever work out. He said he went into this one petrified it would be the same and I'd go off him or dump him, therefore his feelings were held back. He said this is just a theory but he can't be completely sure.

I just want to know if it will go somewhere or if I should end it. I'd be really upset if I never saw him again.
 
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When I was 27, I dated a 40 year old. Newly separated from my husband, I was infatuated with him because he was much different. He was professional and sophisticated. He told me the same thing. He loved me but wasn't in love with me. He didn't do all the things you mentioned, so it sounds like you guys are farther along than we ever were. But, looking back I don't think he ever really loved me. I think he was using me. 40 year old guy, midlife crisis, and a 27 year old chick infatuated with him.

Nobody can tell you what he's thinking. I wouldn't like it either after 7 months if I was in love. It's almost as if he's setting boundaries so he doesn't lead you on, but at the same time you guys are doing all this stuff.

Is he newly divorced or anything like that? Guys in this stage are so hard to read. They don't want to go from divorce to jumping into another relationship, so they have walls up.
 
What is his dating history like?

Just be cautious.
Don't let him string you along.

I know what you mean though. You both are enjoying each other's company. And it all feels so right and so good. In reality 7 months isn't that long. Eventually your are gonna have to make sure you ask if you two are exclusively dating or not. Just so that you make where you stand.
 
And have you actually told him that you love him?...The word love is strange because it means so many different things to different people. Some times people can be 'in love' and not realise until that person leaves their lives in some way. Why a forty year old man is going over to his mothers house to ask advice, personally I'd find strange and 'wimpish' like what, he dosen't know his own mind by now?...that is dangerous for your emotional well being because as time is slipping by you are investing more and more of yourself in a situation of limbo that isn't healthy. My gut instinct is that he's stuck on someone from his past, perhaps still living perhaps dead and unfortunately it appears that you are the 'rebound' and I too have been in a similar situation and it is really hard to face the harsh truth that you are being used may be not intentionially but all the same your still young and why should you be wondering where you stand all the time. I disagree that by saying that he is not in love with you he is not leading you on because that's exactly what his actions are doing.
 
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