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Will the anxiety/insomnia ever end? When will I be normal...

Folley said:
^ There have actually been studies done that show that MDMA has little to no effect on cognition. So memory, writing skills and all that should be mostly unaffected.





I have it on a good source that this isn't true. As far as memory goes, a neurotoxic dose of MD, like chronic weed, (damages at least) both the striatum and the hippocampus, the latter which should repair themselves in the course of a few months. As far as language center goes, it is one of the few cognitive damages that takes a couple of years to heal - more if subject is/was a chronic weed smoker. I am currently on month 6 of my recovery and I have to say that I have experienced both of these damages. My first couple months my short term memory was TERRIBLE, but it has since come back. My language abilities are still not up to par. It is difficult for me to read, I have to get into what I'm reading for it to "sink in". Speaking, I sometimes stop in the middle of a sentence to search for the next word I am going to use - again. something that chronic marijuana users experience. Time, however heals all wounds, I guess. And to echo Show, exercise is crucial to healing your brain. Shit sucks but you gotta pull through it - it only gets better from day one.
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Um from personal experience of moderate use of MDMA, it most definitely does affect cognition. In many areas, i don't care what research you pull out i am 100% sure it does. I can relate with having to think of what i want to say mid sentence , and spacing out like a fucking tard. Also word recall of words you normally know , don't come to you as easy . You find your self telling your self whats that word i'm looking for A LOT of the time. Anyways op, if you aren't noticing any of that now it will not happen. It's not like it gets worse over time, it only gets better . So if you don't feel like a moron comparing to your former self you're in the clear.
 
Thanks for the replies guys, Folley thank you also for the link. Through some other research it is apparent that cognitive deficits may settle in 12 months after last use. That's why I say early days, so I guess we'll find out right.

My anxiety went super crazy last night, dilated pupils like I was high, totally freaked me out...sigh, workout time.

Jerry I remember you posted here a while ago, I hope your recovery is going well!
 
TheShowMustGoOn said:
Thanks for the replies guys, Folley thank you also for the link. Through some other research it is apparent that cognitive deficits may settle in 12 months after last use. That's why I say early days, so I guess we'll find out right.

My anxiety went super crazy last night, dilated pupils like I was high, totally freaked me out...sigh, workout time.

Jerry I remember you posted here a while ago, I hope your recovery is going well!
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Ey show, can you describe the kind of anxiety you have, i mean how is the evolution throught the day, how is the wave of anxiety, nights and mornings...maybe i can help o show how made evolution for me in the way i understand the behaviour of the anxiety and depresion in days and weeks after.
 
TheShowMustGoOn said:
Thanks for the replies guys, Folley thank you also for the link. Through some other research it is apparent that cognitive deficits may settle in 12 months after last use. That's why I say early days, so I guess we'll find out right.

My anxiety went super crazy last night, dilated pupils like I was high, totally freaked me out...sigh, workout time.

Jerry I remember you posted here a while ago, I hope your recovery is going well!
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Everyone gets anxiety mate, it's really a natural part of life to worry. It only becomes a disorder when you focus on the worryING and not the worry itself..


I still have some anxiety from my MDMA abuse almost 2 years ago, but I no longer really blame it on the drug. I've learned there are just somethings in life that will make you feel bad, and you've got to learn to accept those just as much as the good feelings.
 
@derok I just saw your reply, my anxiety...is only there when I am worrying about this situation. It doesn't make a difference if it is morning or evening, if I start worrying about all of this it just get worse. And some days are worse than others, maybe every 3 weeks or so my anxiety will get really bad and I start thinking this is all permanent and I will never change, then it calms down for a couple of weeks and starts again, one big circle.
I was ignoring all these changes quite well for a couple of months however I am having constant changes in my body which drive the anxiety up. For example, (completely unrelated to guys) I had my first missed period this week even though for the first four months they came like clockwork like they always do. And it just creates more anxiety. Sigh...count yourselves lucky, boys.

@Folley...as above, my anxiety is only bad when I think about it/what I'm going through...in saying that it doesn't mean it isn't there, I'm just trying to not make it worse.
 
Folley said:
Everyone gets anxiety mate, it's really a natural part of life to worry.
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^^ In western countries especially the USA, the most heavily medicated country in the world. See all those wee starving Africans...none of them suffer anxiety.
 
TheShowMustGoOn said:
@derok I just saw your reply, my anxiety...is only there when I am worrying about this situation. It doesn't make a difference if it is morning or evening, if I start worrying about all of this it just get worse. And some days are worse than others, maybe every 3 weeks or so my anxiety will get really bad and I start thinking this is all permanent and I will never change, then it calms down for a couple of weeks and starts again, one big circle.
I was ignoring all these changes quite well for a couple of months however I am having constant changes in my body which drive the anxiety up. For example, (completely unrelated to guys) I had my first missed period this week even though for the first four months they came like clockwork like they always do. And it just creates more anxiety. Sigh...count yourselves lucky, boys.

@Folley...as above, my anxiety is only bad when I think about it/what I'm going through...in saying that it doesn't mean it isn't there, I'm just trying to not make it worse.
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Er......stop thinking about it.

Stop reading and posting on bluelight and wallowing in self pity. I'm not denying that your going through something that you relate to taking MDMA. But constant analysis of every mood change or change in physical well being is creating your self perpetuating anxiety.

Its almost like you read (negative) stuff on bluelight and try and fit the symptoms into whatever your experience. I read your previous post and you almost sounded disappointed that you had not experience brain zaps.

Take a break from here, eat healthily and put your mind to getting regular physical exercise.... every day and enough to make you sweat. This is one of the best treatments.
 
TheShowMustGoOn said:
@derok I just saw your reply, my anxiety...is only there when I am worrying about this situation. It doesn't make a difference if it is morning or evening, if I start worrying about all of this it just get worse. And some days are worse than others, maybe every 3 weeks or so my anxiety will get really bad and I start thinking this is all permanent and I will never change, then it calms down for a couple of weeks and starts again, one big circle.
I was ignoring all these changes quite well for a couple of months however I am having constant changes in my body which drive the anxiety up. For example, (completely unrelated to guys) I had my first missed period this week even though for the first four months they came like clockwork like they always do. And it just creates more anxiety. Sigh...count yourselves lucky, boys.

@Folley...as above, my anxiety is only bad when I think about it/what I'm going through...in saying that it doesn't mean it isn't there, I'm just trying to not make it worse.
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You was myself!! i was there...just there..its very unenxplainable, actually i have bad days too, but the most of the time im my old self not worrying about nothing especial, the way i pass my bad days is doing something that doesnt makes me think about that like play videogames and pass time with friends, with my girl....that kind of things stop the cycle, not be alone to much...i dont know too much about neurology, but its something like you are really sensitive now and maybe for a loooong time, but you can desensitive that, in science maybe in like a rewiring and when you worry you stop linkin dopaminserotonine neurons, nobody knows and it doesnt matter to much really, but empiricly is something like that and takes lots of time for the slowly brain mechanism, i think the mdma destroy linkins related with fear in the cortex.

I was here all the time checkin for people with the same problems as me, im being improving and you are likely to improve better than me even when i take 10 times (low low doses..) and you only 1, im sure its more related with dopamine than serotonine, even if mdma itself make serotonine loads and little dopamine ones, it some kind of paralel reaction...and some of us are really sensitive to dopamine changes. weed after a longtermcomedown made come back again back (and its only dopamine in...) its possible to be allergic to the reaction of mdma, like people are to some other legal meds.


Actually i have bad days where little stupids things worry me more than nothing and then i play somevideo game, go out to workout with music, pass the time with your boyfriend or just you friends or family, dont worry about to say you worries they MUST understand that you need to say it again and again....something that stops the process. Then u win one battle, doing this one doy you will win the war....im sure.

Bruxism seems not to go away xDD maybe is my actual worst problem.
 
swedger > Yeh I know I need to get the hell off here...

@derok, its good to know you went through the same things. I dont even care if the bruxism stays forever. I dont care if any physical aspect is permanent. I just want to get to the point where I don't think about this shit all day and I can start having an awesome life again where I was excited about my career and having a family in the future. Its just like my life has been put on hold and I'm living in 5 months ago rather than the present.

Guh.
 
swedger77 said:
^^ In western countries especially the USA, the most heavily medicated country in the world. See all those wee starving Africans...none of them suffer anxiety.
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lol orly? I'm not even sure how to counter that, it just seems rather funny to me that anyone could think it :p



Like I said, it's natural. It's also natural to overcome that anxiety and get back to living, as life always goes on. The problem in "western countries" is that we get too wrapped up in our problems, and not how to overcome them. We're a culture that relies on pills to deal with mental health issues, when really the only thing that can help is long and hard personal deliberation. I have no doubt the OP will overcome it.. but saying "Africans" just have never dealt with that problem kind of grinds my gears. Really just the opposite in fact, they know how to deal with it better than all of us!
 
Im studying almost finishin my career so just imagine what was that for me too..it stoped my life. The bruxism is because i clench very hard, even the plastic thing dont give away the pain can stay with me everyday....i thing is something wrong in the articulation so now for me is a new fight ;S, the psicologicla was too strong, the phisical could be far better, but even that is very painful and pain makes you anxious too...xD it dont want to let me go on...haha
 
a very good conversation about....i always thought that is the excess of information and schedule that makes the mordern world a place for mental ilness, im not sure human being been brain ready for the high information levels everyone here have to deal with everyday...
 
Many poor people have grown up poor. It's a way of life unfortunately. A bad way, but they are accustomed to it.

Anxiety and depression are linked to stress. Sometimes this is a life long accumulation of stress, other times a single instance of extreme stress, sometimes both.

It's really a vicious cycle at this point. Fear of anxiety just fuels more anxiety.

Anxiety is just a fancy word for stress. You will never get over it if you continue to think about it. And I am suffering from it myself so I know how hard it is to get away from the self destructive thoughts.
 
hi jethro, it's Show, I have no idea who the guy is above who posted but he clearly hasn't read the thread properly, I was fine, normal, happy, before all this happened.

In response to your question, no I am not better, improved but not better. I can deal with the anxiety now, it's more the physical implications, sleeping is also much improved. Still grinding teeth, bad digestion, messed up periods (yes I'm a girl), and unfortunately, rapid hair loss. I still have hair of course, it just falls out in clumps (alluded to stress). And the endless ear ringing at night, I don't know what silence is anymore...

I just kinda get on with it, I guess I've forgotten what it's like to be normal. I thankfully have a very supportive boyfriend, and the only reason I keep myself alive is the thought that one day, even if it's twenty years away...I might be normal and happy again.

I don't really frequent these boards anymore, better to get on with life, just by chance I decided to check today.

good luck to you all and stay strong,
love and hugs

Show
 
well its still soon trust me :) , for me the old me feeling are coming NOW more than ever 18 months later, my main issue is bruxism that im fighting how i can. i change my whole life style because of it...i hope it worths it
 
I didn't read all the posts in this thread.. But I have been seeing a lot of these "I took MDMA and now I am fucked in the head" kind of threads lately..

Is it probable that there is something other than MDxx going around that is making people have these long term anxiety issues? In all my years of rolling (couple decades eh) i have never personally met someone who got depressed or raised anxiety for more than a couple days after. I am almost 40 and can still bounce back by Tuesday or Wednesday if I even have a hangover at all from it now. Only times I have even had a hangover since I switched to the crystals is when I have done almost .5g in a night.. Which is a ridiculous night eh..
 
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