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Will the anxiety/insomnia ever end? When will I be normal...

Morkin said:
So many people on the internet saying "get off the internet" :p

It would be a good idea to test what-ever you're buying before you do it. Get a testing kit, then if you're going through shit afterwards, you'll at least know what it was.
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I am better now. The first part of recovering, for me, was getting a grip on the out of control anxiety. Before you are used to the new and terrifying feelings brought on by the misuse, spending time obsessing about your symptoms and reading about "brain damage" or looking for a quick fix online will make things missions of times worse.

I am only trying to help people because my experience really really sucked and there were not many positive stories re bad comedowns.
 
Hey guys, been doing a little better, finally got some melatonin in, quick question, what's an average/good amount to take, my pills are slow release 10mg however Ive been cutting them up into quarters as I wanted to avoid any potential nightmares/vivid dreams.
 
Melatonin may not be related to body mass, but I'm 6'2" and weigh 240 lbs (109 kg) and through trial and error have found that I only need one 3mg tablet for the desired ideal effect. I take it about 9 hours before I need to be up the next morning, and within an hour of taking it I start to feel sleepy and generally get a good night's sleep without a big problem with vivid dreams, although it does make me dream more actively.

6mg had about the same desired effect, but the dream side effects were noticeably more along with a mild but persistent hangover "fog" that lasted for about half the next day. 9mg was a total disaster. My dreams were all over the map, and I was in an unpleasant mental fog with a feeling that I just couldn't get going for all of the next day...never again.
 
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Ooh thank goodness I've been cutting them into quarters! Think I will continue as I am doing and thanks for the reply, I was gonna experiment with more but it's pretty obvious 10mg is excessive, cheers!
 
Hey guys, I feel like shit posting here again but I've reached the point where I'm really struggling...again
I don't really know how to explain it, but initially I would get really depressed for a couple of days, then feel up for a couple of days, then feel down again, etcetc, however now this seems to be dragging out, ie. good for a couple of days, then weeks of feeling bored is the only way to describe it, then really bad for a couple of days- and it starts all over again.

Four months on and symptom-wise not too much has changed. My heart has stopped dicking around and isnt as fluttery anymore. My eyes have stopped vibrating and cold hands and feet also stopped a couple of months in.

I had a panic attack in bed about five weeks ago due to excessive stress at work and home, I literally went blind for about a minute, might have been because my heart was pumping way too much blood and pressure built up in my head which pressed against the optic nerve, I dunno just theorizing but that was scary...

Digestion....on the good days food takes about 24 hours to pass, on the bad days about 8 hours.

Sleep/Insomnia - Most nights still 4/5/6 hours, not sure if melatonin is helping or not. I have had dreams here and there but I was never a big dreamer before hand.

Other than that it is all still pretty solid- tinnitus in right ear, jaw clenching, swollen gums on right cheek, anxiety I don't really have anymore- only about this situation really, dp maybe once a month or less and only if I'm super tired.

Things that I have been doing: Fairly healthy diet, fish, fruit, yogurt, generally attempting to be healthier, no supplements apart from melatonin and occasionally vitamins if I remember to take them (not too keen on putting extra crap in my body as taking Valerian almost lead to another panic attack), I was exercising initially then stopped for a month cos I was working 13 hour days, I have recently started again as my work pattern is back to normal.

What I am struggling to know is if I am actually getting better? I know I need to stop reading around but I can't help it when I just feel so awful - Most people who seem to have gone through this seem to have intense brain zaps/headaches early on and recover within 6 months+. I have had only one throbbing headache almost two months ago and that is all. So am I progressing? I have read that the zaps/headaches are a sign that something is being rewired etc, does this need to happen to me? It certainly feels that way symptom-wise as they indicate neurotoxicity but is this even possible after one single first time dose?- Albeit above average I do not think ~240mg could be defined as a monster dose?!


WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME! >.<

*sigh* sorry for the long-ass post just wanted to get it off my chest... any help welcome - Happy Valentines Day <3
 
Hi girl!
I got this ups and downs too...i feel it, im confident like all the process one day this kind of mood wave will be more linear. I have a question, what do you mean whith jaw clenching? do you mean night bruxism?
 
Hi derok, yes I have bruxism, joy(!) Its in the day and the night time only in the day I can control it easily and not close my mouth...not that I can cos I have swollen gums.. Apparently only a symptom to occur in girls. I use a night time mouth guard and yes it helps. I think it should stop one day, I'm just scared I'm not recovering at all, everyone seems to have brain zaps or headaches and I've had none gah I just wanna know how bad I am in this hole, can I expect cognitive problems soon :(
 
Holy fuck , all these symptoms from 1 strong roll correct? And this is why i come off as such an ass hole against MDMA on this forum, because this is the kind of stuff i read about. I'd like to say it is placebo since you have barely even rolled, but i believe you. I've been there my self , although it took consecutive rolling. You are recovering, it just happens so slow that it feels like you aren't making progress. You shouldn't expect cognitive problems if you haven't already, i find cognitive problems are the worst the first week after rolling. I will be a complete idiot when learning math and such, no new concepts will stick with me at all!

They seem to clear up , getting less intense but yea they do go away for the most part. Just keep to your healthy diet , that is something i always skipped out on that would have helped me a lot. Make sure to get cardio exercise, you really feel more comfortable in your own skin after a nice work out. Most of all, keep away from MDMA. Fucking brain damage in a pill.
 
my brainzap / electric sensation feelins are fading so much that sometimes is hard to notice, i think is even better that you didnt notice it, for me that mean less brain unrewiring or damage . I dont know if my bruxism is really hard, but 2 months ago i got a nti-tss mouthguard, that helps but not at all!! i feel pain in my jaw joint from a 9 months ago , it depend of my clenchin night. Actually im tankin clonazepam like muscle relaxant to fight bruxism too, but its not magical too...and i have pain yet (less but im sure my joints everynight are sufferin) btw i dont know what more to do, somebody have suffered/are sufferig similiar simptons? how do you manage? dull depresion or dp is not such a problem as to know that everynight im fuckin myself :/ is like punchin myself .

i dont want to be negative with this simptons...im trying everything, if i find a solution I WILL POST IT. :) hang in there !!
 
Not just one strong roll, but a first ever one too (yay to me I may have set a record for earliest possible long term comedown! - and I had eaten!)

I sometimes like to think it is a placebo too, however even on the days that I feel 90% better and I think that this is finally over and done with I will still have awful digestion, teeth clenching, etc

F1n1shed did you have one of these comedowns? Has anyone else been like me with NO zaps/headaches/nada just basically living in hell and still managed to get better?

Obviously Ive spent a ridiculous amount of time lurking around different threads and I came across First Bad Comedown who seems somewhat a genius on this thing. I also seem to have the same symptoms as him but on a muted level - thats what scares me the most. Reading his posts, he didnt suffer cognitive changes until a year or so in...I can't quite explain it in his genius way but it's something to do with your brain adapting to new serotonin axons or something and even then 100% recovery is never reached. But hey even if I only get to 80% I dont give a shit I just wana get it over and done with. Taking each day at a time.

I dunno...Everything in my life would be so perfect right now if it wasn't for this shit... I'm just hoping it wont extend past a year but at the pace I'm going I'm thinking at least two or three years. Joy.
 
Derok is the bruxism your last symptom? I wouldnt worry too much about it I have several friends who have it (not from mdma just naturally) and they're all ok...Maybe get a better mouth guard? One from an actual dentist? The one I have is pretty thick I can barely feel anything when I have it in, I guess maybe 2 or 3 mm thick - and make sure you use a top one and not a bottom one.
 
there are better mouth guards than another? do u recomend me another guard? i think i have a severe severe bruxism cause my mouthguard dont help me so much :S.
 
This is mine..use to work the first 2 weeks..then my brain learnt to bite harder this too xDD. I feel something wrong in my left jaw joint when i move left to right. ihave been 1 year on this for now.

this is my splint :)

https://www.google.com/search?q=nti...istryateastpiedmont.com%2Fntitss.html;200;183

Simptons:cognitive problems...in 4 months solved, ( i passed engineerin exams and learnt some german for my eramus where am i now) teeth temblin, like rumblin when i put it together a little bit...unoticeable with simple seeing. little tremblin in hands. Acatisia, like u cannot stop movin your legs or so when sitted, but is improvin....i improve a lot the first 10 months or so. i had a down when i share 1 sec 1 weed (fail) , then i return to my last anxiety levels in 1 month and now im goin like now...better than never buut...with heavy bruxism :S pain everyday almost, but im workin on it.
 
I'm not surprised that splint looks so small compared to my one. You really should get one to cover all of the top row of your teeth, I think its important to cover your molars too. You're dentist should have been able to give you one but if you can't you can buy do-it-yourself ones, they sell then in pharmacies here and I'm sure you can find them on the internet, they're about 30€, seriously get one!
 
TheShowMustGoOn said:
Not just one strong roll, but a first ever one too (yay to me I may have set a record for earliest possible long term comedown! - and I had eaten!)

I sometimes like to think it is a placebo too, however even on the days that I feel 90% better and I think that this is finally over and done with I will still have awful digestion, teeth clenching, etc

F1n1shed did you have one of these comedowns? Has anyone else been like me with NO zaps/headaches/nada just basically living in hell and still managed to get better?
.
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Yes after the very first roll (3 tested strong mdma pills) i felt horrible the next day all through the next week. No after glow bull shit like people talk about, just waking up completely fried and feeling terrible. I wrote it off because i liked the high ,and kept rolling ever like 2 months average for over a year (continuing on longer but in a scattered pattern). Every time just feeling horrible after , i don't know which one set me over completely but i could not feel normal while sober. No brain zaps or anything, just things feeling really off with my self and feeling like i am in a total dream world accompanied by bad depression and anxiety.

There are so many factors for me because i was smoking weed every day, and doing other drugs on the side. But most of these issues arose with MDMA because i am very good at telling what symptoms are coming from what drugs. The anxiety / panic attacks i would get back then sprouted from MDMA but became worse with weed. Since then i had an addiction to heroin, done meth and coke here and there, abused most prescription pills you can think of, done some psychedelics . Just basically having a go around with all types of drugs and experiencing as much as i can. (Only drug i do atm is weed, and usually not every day)

NONE of those drugs, even when abused left me feeling more fucked up for long periods of time than mdma did. To put it in comparison, the first time i did meth i pulled an all nighter and just did my body bad with it. I still felt MUCH more normal on the meth crash than i would have on MDMA ,and i felt repaired in 1-2 days.
Ending note, MDMA = highly neurotoxic substance. Best euphoric high out there for sure, but in return gives you brain damage whether you notice it or not. I'll let people here decide if they think the trade off is worth it.
 
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TheShowMustGoOn said:
Not just one strong roll, but a first ever one too (yay to me I may have set a record for earliest possible long term comedown! - and I had eaten!)

I sometimes like to think it is a placebo too, however even on the days that I feel 90% better and I think that this is finally over and done with I will still have awful digestion, teeth clenching, etc

F1n1shed did you have one of these comedowns? Has anyone else been like me with NO zaps/headaches/nada just basically living in hell and still managed to get better?

Obviously Ive spent a ridiculous amount of time lurking around different threads and I came across First Bad Comedown who seems somewhat a genius on this thing. I also seem to have the same symptoms as him but on a muted level - thats what scares me the most. Reading his posts, he didnt suffer cognitive changes until a year or so in...I can't quite explain it in his genius way but it's something to do with your brain adapting to new serotonin axons or something and even then 100% recovery is never reached. But hey even if I only get to 80% I dont give a shit I just wana get it over and done with. Taking each day at a time.

I dunno...Everything in my life would be so perfect right now if it wasn't for this shit... I'm just hoping it wont extend past a year but at the pace I'm going I'm thinking at least two or three years. Joy.
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Don't have any zaps that I recall, only when on my anti-anxiety meds. 3 months later for me and still dealing with this uphill battle. It oddly set in and was at its worse about a month later, kinda like a delayed start. Odd thing is, it just stopped working ONE DAY. Every time before that it was fucking fantastic (rolled about 20 over the last year and a half). I think it stems from one stupid night where i did 5 hits of some fake acid (like DOB or BDF) and .2 of strong rolls. Every drug experience since then has been kinda fucked in a way. Shit kept me tripping and without sleep for 3 DAYS!!! Crazy Shit. Like yourself, I feel like I'm 90% then i get a stretch of 2 or 3 shitty days. Then back up the hill again. Insomnia is sometimes a bitch and a half. Sometimes not.

Im beating the dead horse with this but I find the best thing for me has been regular exercise, plenty rest, and just not thinking about what happened. I realized that I have a ton of frustrations and regret stemming from my stupidity, which can nag at me if I think about it. Love the reassurance that others are going through as bad if not worse situations than myself and many have recovered. In some ways my mind works in a way to put me on a happy "roll/trip" on its own without any drugs. Kinda like a subconscious meditation I don't control. That always takes me back to the early days of it when everything was still beautiful and appealing. Well, still gotta keep pushing and just avoid MDMA for a long while (likely forever). And now I have allergies a week after just getting rid of them :(. And still trying to quit cigs unsuccessfully.

Just realized I rambled this and its probably jumbled as shit. Sorry guys. Good luck to ya!
 
Not a ramble at all, it helps learning about others experiences, sigh...so it could be early days yet for me, just over 4 months in...I guess the one good thing about this is that its put me off all drugs for good. And likewise the sleep that I get is a variety...sometimes 4 sometimes 7 hours.
Still freaking out about the cognitive changes tho, how bad are they really? I write for a magazine so cognitive changes are nowhere near ideal :(
And northern lights it is a little strange how it set in late but I guess you were on an extended after glow period...and speaking of meditation, I think that will help people here just as much as exercise and is something else everyone should take up to keep anxiety at bay as well as making you more accepting of your current condition. The only thing important to me is that its not permanent. Which it isn't.

ish.
 
Folley the cognitive deficits would not necessarily be caused by MD directly, its more part of the process of your brain rearranging blabla so it may come in due course, this is where people talk about awful short term memory and almost forgetting the English language, whether it'll effect me or not only time will tell.

But like you said life goes on, hence my username, I think of this little mess up as a pause button in my pursuit to greatness ;)
 
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