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Will I ever be able to quit? Another attempt

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petevenkmann

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 27, 2015
Messages
10
Hi. I'm addicted to opiates & am about 15 hrs into taking my last ones. I've been down this road before but always quit and go back. I kept telling myself that I'm not an addict so it's ok since my doc gives me the meds for my back. I get 90 10mg percs & 30 oxycontin a month, they are gone in less than a week & then I'm scrambling to buy more. I've wasted so much money it's awful. I have a great husband who is supportive but really doesn't understand addiction, we have 3 great young kids, I'm a mess. I've been in bed all day popping gabapentin & surprising it's helping some. Normally at this time I'd be sneezing, kicking my legs, and you know the rest of the drill. Right now I have upset stomach and headache. I have a couple suboxone that I'm thinting about breaking pieces to help me. I'm never going back down this road again. This is the first time that I've not been on the phone calling around for pills. My hubby is home today & all weekend so he's pretty much tending to the kids. Any advice? Thanks in advance.
 
Hi, I recently had gotten clean myself. I had been clean 3 years and then started messing up and using iv herione for quite awhile, to the point I was disgusted with myself and miserable with the process. I honestly think because I was so fed up with it helped alot! I also am in a similar home situation, a child and husband that doesn't understand addiction or anything that comes with it! If you stick to the process and have determination to get through it you will!!! But you have to really want it!!! I water until I felt really terrible and took my first piece of suboxone, I took 1/4 of am 8 mg every half hour until the withdrawal symptoms subsided , I stayed in bed as much as possible and slept as much as I could, I was taking claunidine to sleep at first but it inflamed my pancreatitus, so I had to stop taking it , and I put myself on a schedule every 24 hrs to take another dose of suboxone, it helped tremendously with the withdrawal symptoms, but obviously my brain was still an anxious mess!! So i read and watched alot of tv trying to occupy my brain!! After 4 days I felt a 1,000 times better and cut my dose down because I had been taking ALOT .. Physically I felt alot better but still serious anxiety and thoughts of using , but I am at a month and still sticking with it !!! I keep telling myself my family deserves better , that I deserve better !! Every day I still have thoughts of using , but I continue to fight them as best I can , I have gotten back alot of my energy and concentration..... Just really know you are not alone and you have the power to get clean you just have to want it bad enough!!! Goodluck !!! Sending you positive thought and energy, understanding and love!!!
 
Thanks secret for the response. Right now its been 18hrs and counting. I'm dying to go take a piece of the suboxone I have but am afraid of precipitated withdrawal. I took all my percocets yesterday and oxycontin at 10 last night. Not sure how long to wait. I'm definitely in withdrawal mode right now.I wish you the best, you can do it and so can i. Let's not be a slave to this anymore.
 
I am in the same boat you are. I am married with two young children and I'm on day two without opiates. Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury to not take care of the kids, but at least I don't have to go back to work until Monday. I have been down this road way too many times; my past benders have been REAL bad. I met my hubby when I was clean 4 years ago. I've been clean off opiates for the most part, but when I had my youngest son via c-section and they had me on that self-administering morphine-drip, I was like a shark that had a taste of blood. I have been struggling on and off for the past two years. First it started with Kratom and pills, and now the past two months have been heroin. It was truly insane and exhausting the double-life I had to live because I don't live like your imagined junkie. I have a great job, husband, kids, house, and looked totally normal to the outside looking in. Inside I was a freaking wreck and have broken my husbands heart way too many times to count with the lying about doing drugs. I finally told myself "ENOUGH. you cannot have it both ways! you must choose the domesticated life, or the dope-fiend life, because they do not, and will not mix." I know if i keep on down this road, I will lose everything. So today, I choose to stop before it's too late. too late for what? too late to save my marriage? too late to save my job? too late to save my LIFE! This part always sucks, the first week or so after you stop using because your neuro-pathways are F*CKED.You're sad, depressed, low on yourself, feeling like the biggest piece of sh*t scum of the earth. But you know what the cool thing is? NO FEELING IS FINAL. No matter how much things suck, it will pass! That I can guarantee. Keep on, because this too shall pass. Best of luck to both of you. It's going to be a bumpy road but well worth it in the end.
 
Mayhem, I understand how you're feeling, we can't have a double life. I can either succumb to it, or fight to live a clean life. Clean life is much better. Right now I'm climbing the freaking walls. I'm about to take the suboxone I got. Trying to wait 24 hours, got about another hour to go. I have really got myself in a mess. Good luck to you !
 
Hello ladies....you're posts have me in tears...literally. When my daughter was little, I was a single mom. Addicted to OxyContin which was prescribed to me for chronic pain. At first, I had never been addicted to anything before. Never taken pills. I experimented with drugs-meth (snorting), coke, weed....

Long story short, I eventually started using heroin IV-because of it being so much cheaper to buy than pills. Which led to me getting arrested...and in jail for 6 and half months, detoxing cold-turkey-hallucinating and seizing, naked in a dungeon like cell. During my heroin use (or my last run) I was also on 100mg of morphine 3x/day-for a fairly long time. Maybe that is why I had seizures. I wasn't drinking or taking benzos...so that's all I can think of.

I have been clean for a year, and almost 3mos. This shit will go on forever if you let it. I had been clean for a few years prior to the last run I had that put me in jail. I never ever thought I'd be in jail. What Ive learned: The underlying issues have to be addressed. During my clean time, I still felt severe anxiety/panic attacks. I had them my whole life, but thought it was normal, like everyone felt that way. It is not normal. Nor is depression. We're not supposed to feel that way. And we're also not supposed to be on the other end of the spectrum-euphorically high out of our minds lol.

I was put on meds in jail, for nerve pain. It was also a mood stabilizer-gabapentin-like petevenkman spoke of. She said she felt a lot better. I started realizing I wasn't the usual nervous wreck I am. I was no by any means euphoric. But was able to put things in perspective. More even keeled. I still feel a level of anxiety and depression, but I can navigate through it. Before I could not...inevitably it led me back to getting high....whether pills or IV heroin.

Please find out why you're getting high. Go to a good mental health dr and addictions specialist. You are all doing great. I am now the mother and me I wished I had been. All the best to all three of you. I am pulling for you. Please check back in and update us.
 
Stargazer thank you so much for your post, right what I needed while I'm so tempted to get a hook up! What's wrong with me!? Ugh, anyway I took 2 MG of sub & I'm OK now. I haven't had an oxy since 10pm Thursday night. I took 6mg sub yesterdsy, probably didn't need that much but did it, and today the 2mg. I'm hoping I can make it through the physical sick part with that. I know what comes next is gonna be the hardest. I was given gabapentin for nerve pain & never took a lot of it. I was shocked at how much it helped me. Anyway I am thinking of only staying on that for my pain issues since it helps. I know people who use it for anxiety & bipolar disorder, it works wonders. I have an 8mg sub left, trying to do slivers from here on out & skipping days. I know I need to dig deep to find out why I am such an anxiety ridden, fearful, unable to cope in life person. Lol God that sounds good doesn't it? I thank you all again, your post mean more than you'll ever know!
 
Can anyone tell me if WD is gonna hit me hard after a few days of sub use? I've read short tapers using 1 or 2 subs but have never tried myself.
I had my last oxy Thurs night.
Saturday 2am took 2mg
Saturday afternoon 2mg
Sunday early am 2mg

I'm really struggling today. I wanted to call this am & get some pills.

Been trying to stay busy but am terrified of when the sub wears off.

Any advice? I have an 8mg left. I was taking about 100-150mg oxy & percocets daily.

I have gabapentin, muscle relaxers, klonopin, & some other stuff that can aid me. I've never abused any of that stuff. I actually hate taking it unless necessary.

Thanks
 
peteven...You are going to be ok. Gabapentin is one of the best, if not the best thing we have for withdrawal, anxiety, bipolar etc. Thank the lord you have that!!

There is nothing wrong with you. Other than you are trying to not feel whatever it is that makes you feel so horrible. I self-medicated myself for anxiety and panic attacks...with pain meds then heroin. After I was on gabapentin, and I could think more rationally, I realized I had been self-medicating myself. Why the f not???? I was miserable. Always felt negative, nervous....scared. I still get cravings now and again...even with a decent amount of clean time. But, its part getting well I think. If I keep going long enough, they will tone down with time. You really are going to be fine.:)

I cant give you advice on the subs....I've only taken them a couple times in my life. Don't be scared about it. You have all the right stuff to help you. I know there has to be a megathread on subs here on BL, as many people take it. Breathe. You're going to be ok.
 
Stargazer thank you so much. It's good knowing someone understands since I really have nobody to talk to.

I'm feeling like major crap this am. I barely slept last night & can't get rid of these horrible headaches. My kids are already fighting with one another, ugh, gonna be one of those days.

I'm so shocked that gabapentin works the way it does, the only thing I hate about it is, it messes me up BAD! Like the 1st few days I'm literally in a foggy stupor. I feel like I'm so drunk. Once I've taken it a few days & I've gotten used to it, it gives me energy & makes me super talkative. It's the craziest meducation. I don't understand it.

Thanks again for the reply, I appreciate it so much.
 
peteven if you think gabapentin makes you feel drunk, you be face down on Lyrica. What's making you feel the way you do is the PreGABAlin in the Gabapentin...both meds made by same manufacturer. Gabapentin is kind of like a watered down version of Lyrica.

I know you're going through it...and omg when your kids are being crazy people...sweet Jesus. I know. I know. 8( You are getting through this so you never have to go through this again. It's not fair to you or your kids. Then you won't feel that guilt anymore...it's horrible. I know.

You're doing fine. You're not a bad person-you are getting high for a reason. It's never just because you like getting high. If gabapentin is helping with your issues, tell your Dr. I take 800mg 3x day. It has changed my life. Hang in there....I really am pulling for you. :)
 
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