Will Ativan quell the rage

I carved "HELL" into my forarm with a razor blade last night. It satisfied me enough to sleep a couple hours. I'm so miserable. I'm hoping one day soon the flip is going to switch and I'll gain the courage to put an end to this hell. I just want sleep nice peaceful eternal sleep.

I spoke to an old friend yesterday. He's long moved on with his life to the point where I am embarrassed to tell him about mine. Sitting at my mom's home for the rest of my life. I know I would be happier dead and I'm pretty sure my mom would be happier in the long run. One day I'll get to the point where i can do it. I hope it's soon.

Ativan just makes me too honest. So I'll be blunt I want to die.

 

I'm sorry

I wish I had something better to say.

I really have my fingers crossed for you tho m8

 

i carved help into my upper arm before seeing a therapist who said she couldn't help me, i came away wondering if i had been too honest....i don't know about you, but i self harm because its a release and the feeling of blood seeping out is calming and satisfying......you won't be sitting at your moms for the rest of your life, it just feels that way at the moment as your stuck in a rut, so to speak.....it's hard to see past our present when our present feels like a dead end....but it never is, there is a way forward...its just a matter of finding it, or letting it find you....it will happen....much love to you cj.....i know what it is to suffer and i know when i see people who really don't deserve to and i know that i don't know you but i can tell you are one of those people who do not deserve to suffer...there is another side ...and it isn't death.....its a journey