Wife refuses to have sex

[Nexus 1]

To make a long story short, I have been recovering from a serous injury and surgery for the past eight months. During this time I was unable to be intimate with my wife. Now that I have recovered we have still not bad any sex in the past three months. Whenever I ask or try to get close to her she shuts me down. A few days ago when we first woke up in the morning I was able to really kiss her on the mouth and neck and suck on her breast. When I kissed her belly and crotch and started to take off her panties she angrily pushed me away and said she didn't feel like it. That is the closest we have come to making love in the three months I have been able to. I am frustrated beyond belief. Whenever I talk to a female friend or any attractive female I can't help but think about them sexually. To be fair my wife does have some health issues. She has had them for years nothing serious and it has never affected our sex life. I have talked to my wife and she says nothing is wrong. But this is just so unusual. We have never had a problem with sex before. We have done just about everything two people can do. Has anyone ever went through this? Do I need to worry she is seeing someone else? This would be devastating and I don't believe it to be the case. Advice, please.

 

[tathra]

Talk to her. Ask her why she's not interested. Don't try to guilt her or anything though, even though she's your wife she's not obligated to have sex with you; this is the 21st century and marriages aren't property contracts anymore, talk to her as a person, discuss the lack of intimacy, tell her that you want more intimacy like you used to have and find out why she's shutting you down.

 

[pofacedhoe]

maybe tell her that after such a long time to start rejecting is maybe not gonna do the marriage any good.

pretending that everything is fine when its not is a sure way to fuck it up even faster

talk to her and tell everything is not fine and you wont accept a head in the sand approach and ask her how she feels about having sex with you

maybe all that time without sex did something to her opinion of you...

 

[Bigtimer]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news because it sounds like life has been shitty for you this last year, but... your wife is fucking someone else. She wasn't able to have sex with you for 8 months and now that she can she doesn't want to? GTFO.

You need to tell her to tell you why she is avoiding sex with you or you're leaving. If she gives you anything other than a straight answer, pack your shit and hit the road.

 

[tathra]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news because it sounds like life has been shitty for you this last year, but... your wife is fucking someone else. She wasn't able to have sex with you for 8 months and now that she can she doesn't want to? GTFO.

You need to tell her to tell you why she is avoiding sex with you or you're leaving. If she gives you anything other than a straight answer, pack your shit and hit the road.

that usually is the case, if people can't get what they need in a relationship they start looking for it outside, but it is possible that its not the case. Given the circumstances,bif that is the case and she comes clean about it without much prodding imo you should be understanding and forgiving. Trust and communication are vital, and if you both care about each other you should try to get past this together. Granted if she is fulfilling her sexual needs elsewhere because you were unable to for 8 months she should have talked to you about it first, but its often easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. You could either take it as a betrayal and throw away your relationship together or you could use it as an opportunity to become closer and more intimate.

 

[Nexus 1]

that usually is the case, if people can't get what they need in a relationship they start looking for it outside, but it is possible that its not the case. Given the circumstances,bif that is the case and she comes clean about it without much prodding imo you should be understanding and forgiving. Trust and communication are vital, and if you both care about each other you should try to get past this together. Granted if she is fulfilling her sexual needs elsewhere because you were unable to for 8 months she should have talked to you about it first, but its often easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. You could either take it as a betrayal and throw away your relationship together or you could use it as an opportunity to become closer and more intimate.

I get what you're saying. I should probably say my "work" kept me away from her for some pretty long periods before the "accident". That won't happen again because I'll never be able to do that "job" anymore. It's really the only "work" I've been exceptional at . And it's gone forever. I won't go into details. They're too painful to relive. It should be pretty easy to figure out. Anyway I can't bring myself to believe my wife would cheat but if she did I would like to think I would be able to forgive her. She was and is my world for so many years. She kept me alive mentally and I believe sometimes physically just by my thoughts of her. So yes I want to forgive her on the chance she did cheat. If I lose her I don't know if I make it. I am damaged in more ways than one. I carry so much that's been impossible so far to let go.

 

[stargazing]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news because it sounds like life has been shitty for you this last year, but... your wife is fucking someone else. She wasn't able to have sex with you for 8 months and now that she can she doesn't want to? GTFO.

You need to tell her to tell you why she is avoiding sex with you or you're leaving. If she gives you anything other than a straight answer, pack your shit and hit the road.

I think this is jumping to conclusions. There are many reasons she may not want sex; the OP already has stated that he had surgery, and she has other health issues. Either one of these is enough to upset the natural balance between a couple. And personally, I do not agree with jumping to that conclusion that quickly.

OP, is your wife open with talking? Does she talk openly to you if you ask her serious questions? I should hope so, and it sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with her. I hope that you both can open the lines of communication with one another and confront this issue, as it's a legitimate problem on your side, and you need to find out what it is on her side that is affecting her libido. And no, I don't really think it has anything to do with cheating... but that is my (possibly biased) opinion; as I am recovering from a major surgery and can see how health issues might affect her libido. It really sounds like it is either due to your health/situation or hers. Or possibly a combination of both. But even if she were seeing someone else, it sounds like you have a good, solid, healthy relationship in all other ways and that is something to rely on in this time of uncertainty. Ask her as you would ask any other serious question; and I hope she comes around. I wish you the best, and wish I had more advice to offer.

 

[Nexus 1]

Stargazing thanks for the kind words. I will try to talk to her more in depth. I've never done anything like this before. I've always been one to resolve issues myself but the last year has been so traumatic. I read your post about almost dying. I had a major hemorrhage about a week after my surgery and almost died. I've not been myself since the first surgery and never will be. It is just the way it is. Nothing else to be done unless medicine advances. I've accepted it. But a lot of the stress I will always carry. Again thank you for the kind words. I will post again when I find out more even if it is unpleasant. It is only fair I do so since I asked for help. Best wishes.

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Yeah, it sounds like there's resentment and she's cheated... or is cheating..... she obviously doesn't miss the sex with you at all.

 

[jamesloveabove]

To you my friend i would like to let you know that injuries come and go, it is not often that a companion even if there is marriage that she will stick around for longer than 2 years if the injury and its symptoms persist. I do not mean this in your case or in an offensive way, personally from experience i have had many girlfriends who were love relationships leave me from injuries or a weak mentality complex. she does like to care for you while your hurt or sick that is actually a common attractive trait in a relationship, it can even lead to a more intimate sexual relationship. If you present it right and keep a strong mentality, this would entail being courageous put yourself in her shoes even though there is a injury that your overcoming. Id try to not pursue a encounter but allow her to pursue your next encounter when the ques present them self take action in them with a guard that has been let down. this may sound like normal pick up game but the imagery shall look as if she is bringing her hand to you as you pick it up and allow her to carry. at the pace that allows comfort for you, again dominance or sexual control is not in the act of being masculine it is in the feeling of pure pleasure and eye contact, this will allow you to not feel babied. Good luck mate. as always keep your mind on task and your eyes open. peace love from above and golden happiness.
jamesloveabove

 

[Nexus 1]

So I had another talk with my wife and I was more insistent. She didn't want to talk to me at all at first. It ended up getting pretty ugly. She broke down in tears and told me she started seeing a guy about nine months ago. This was two months after my last surgery for the hemorrhage where I almost died. She met him at the grocery store and he started talking to her and eventually calling her. She said she had had sex with him a total of about thirty times. All kinds of sex--kissing, mutual oral, penetration. Even anal which we only had once because she said it hurt. She said she ended it two weeks ago. I was just shaking with anger and rage. I cursed and said things I see no reason to repeat here. I asked her how she could do it and she said she didn't mean to and didn't know why and she didn't love him at all. And she understood if I hated her. I've always thought I would hate a woman and have nothing else to do with her if they did that to me but I didn't hate her. I was however out of my mind with anger. I seriously thought about messing up the guy. I know I could still do it could even in the shape I am in now. But I knew it wasn't his fault anymore than hers. So I just got out of there before I let her see me cry. I went out to my old Trans Am, which I haven't had the chance to drive much through the years. I cried like a baby. The first time since I was a little boy if you don't count the birth of our two daughters which was a different kind of crying altogether. After a few minutes she came out to the car and got in the front seat with me and held my hand. She never stopped crying. I thought back to about fifteen years ago, about five years after we married, when I still worked in retail. Back then a lot of the teenage girls I managed would hit on me. I supposed it was because I was 6' 3" and I've always looked a lot younger than my age. Even back then. I would tell my wife and she would get so upset. Once an 18 year old had told me she was in love with me and asked me to make love to her. I had ended up kissing her but stopping after that and telling her I couldn't do this to my wife. I told my wife all of it except me kissing the girl. The only woman except my wife I've missed since we married. I didn't want to hurt my wife and I was ashamed. Oh the irony. After a time, maybe twenty minutes my wife got out and came over to my door, opened it, put her arms around my neck and said Baby lets go inside. We did and I couldn't help but think about the surreal nature of it all. My wife had told me earlier she thought her mind might have snapped from all the stress of seeing me almost die. She was at my side for the whole two weeks in the hospital after I was rushed there semi conscious after the hemorrhage. I remember her telling me after we finally got home it was the most blood she had ever seen. She repeated it over and over. I think it's certainly possible she did have a lapse because the two months after I got out were hell on Earth. I remember it all as a haze. It must have been at least as bad for her. After we got inside she said come to bed with me. It isn't easy kissing your wife when all you can think about is another guy's penis and cum in her mouth or to go down on her when you are thinking of his mouth or penis there. I've always enjoyed giving her oral sex as much as actual intercourse. But it wasn't as good this time. In the end I did manage to have an orgasm with her. The first one with her in over a year. It is difficult but I've decided to forgive her. I have no choice because I still love her so much. Things will never be the same but I will get through it. I know she still loves me and is sorry it ever happened. I will just have to carry this pain like all the other ones. After we had sex we just lay and talked. The most we have at one time in years it seemed to me and she was so tender to me. She hasn't left my side in the past couple of days. We've decided that we will tell no one about this. We will keep it between us. Our girls will never know. It would devastate them because they have always looked up to us and they are such good kids. One is in first year of college and the other the last year of high school. I know it will never happen again because I won't be away from her for long periods anymore and I won't be shot at on a regular basis. I'm not sure what i'll be able to do but it won't be the old work. I think we will be ok. I'll post updates if any of you want to hear them. It's not something anyone would ever want to experience but we are better equipped to handle it than many because we have always been so close. Thanks for listening. I've never done anything like posting for advice before. I've always dealt with everything myself. It seems to have relieved some of the pain,stress and anger.