Why women are attracted to the assholes

[Formico]

This is a little analytical in it's approach, so please don't react to what I am about to write immediately, pleas consider it first.

So many times, as we are all aware, the nice, attentive males will complain about their lack of success with the opposite sex. Whilst I do not provide any advice for them in particluar, I think I can explain this from an evolutionary point of view.

Okay, forget about all your ideas and theories, we have millions of years of evolution programmed into us. And when we were living in caves, the roles of men and women made a whole lot more sense. Regardless of your new modern theories, be it feminism or sensitive male orientation, your ideas are piffel compared to a million years of natural selection, especially considering the 'enlightenment' has only been around for a couple of hundred at the most.

I want a guy who will just ignore me. Picture this, a male caveman surveying his horizon for potential threats or predators, scans the environment, and sees his woman playing with her child. He feels a rush of sensitive male sentimentality and becomes quite absorbed in this display. He starts to marvel at the mother child interaction, philosophically pondering it and feeling all fuzzy inside, whilst loosing track of time. BAM. She's attacked and eaten by a wolf which he had failed to spot sneaking up on her while he was sensitively enjoying the warm interaction of mother with child.

Men have just been moulded to take the short term but broad perspective on the environment, whilst women are more inclined to very focused but long term perspectives. So regardless of intellectual arguments, it makes sense for a woman to feel more secure with a guy who is ignoring her subtlties than a guy who is sensitive and intensely involved in every little word she might be saying.

Learn to ignore her (not completely, but just a little). Hey, it sucks, maybe, but nature is the way it is for a reason, even if that reason doesn't agree with the way you'd like things to be, or the way you've come to believe they should be.

Thoughts?

 

[Mona Lisa]

I must admit that I love the strong silent type too

 

[aaybeecee]

I think they think the assholes are better lovers. Can anyone support this theory?

 

[knight_marshall]

rofl... very interesting point of view Formico... as a shy guy, i say DAMN YOU!

but then i never lose myself completely inside my head... there's always a little part of me staying completely aware of everything in my presence... it's just that you can't see it, because i'm shy, and don't point it out.

as for the assholes, the reason women are attracted to them in my opinion is that they play a role to attract women... us shy people just be ourselves, and let natural selection take it's course. also, your theory might be invalid, in that an asshole who is not caught up in himself and his feelings just might say "well, i got my sex, and this way I lose the kid that's slowing me down and find myself free to find another child-free root... screw it, the bitch can die!"

my other theory is the old "well, he might be an arsehole, but that just gives me more room to work when I mould him into the perfect man" plus, it lets her work on herself, without having to worry about the guy trying to change her. However, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. and people who try to change people instead of teach them are as much a waste of time as people who don't know what they want, and think they can find it, rather than figure it out.

oh, and as a shy guy, i'm overly sensitive to the trend of asshole getting decent women, and i must now scream forth my hatred at it.
*FUCKING FUCK THE FUCK OFF!!* oh wait, you're doing that, cause the asshole is really just a fuck... head. good luck with your kids, i hope you enjoy raising them on your own...

 

[Rhombus]

This theory doesn't make much sense to me. What you've described is a circumstance which would select for males who look out for wolves instead of feeling warm and fuzzy. If this picture were something that actually happened a lot thousands of years ago, then today no men would feel warm and fuzzy. It doesn't actually give any reason why women seemingly prefer assholes at all.

Honestly, I think the idea that there is an overwhelming bias towards preferring assholes is crap. Whenever you're interested in a woman and she picks someone else, you automatically see that someone else as an asshole. There are a lot more women out there seeing other people than there are women seeing me, ergo most women prefer assholes.

Bollocks. Different women like different personalities in the guys they go out with.

 

[LvMkngFlwrChld]

as an asshole i disagree with rhombus completely.

 

[socko]

/Formica's theory is wrong: I'm an asshole but I can't even get a date.

 

[LvMkngFlwrChld]

then you arent enough of an asshole. or the right kind of asshole. if you act liike their lucky your giving them the time of day theyll believe it. give them a taste of their own medicine.

 

[fastandbulbous]

I must admit that I love the strong silent type too

Strong & silent doesn't equal arsehole in any way

Honestly, I think the idea that there is an overwhelming bias towards preferring assholes is crap. Whenever you're interested in a woman and she picks someone else, you automatically see that someone else as an asshole. There are a lot more women out there seeing other people than there are women seeing me, ergo most women prefer assholes.

Bollocks. Different women like different personalities in the guys they go out with.

And rhombus gets the prize for seeing through all the crap to the truth of the matter

 

[zaineaol.nu]

u really wanna know why? UTFSE

 

[arizona83]

As much as it doesn't make sense, there's a lot of truth in the saying "Treat em mean, keep em keen"

 

[Formico]

oh wait, you're doing that, cause the asshole is really just a fuck... head. good luck with your kids, i hope you enjoy raising them on your own...

Hey that's harsh. You're assuming alot to think that a) I'm an asshole or that b) I'm defending them.

This theory doesn't make much sense to me. What you've described is a circumstance which would select for males who look out for wolves instead of feeling warm and fuzzy. If this picture were something that actually happened a lot thousands of years ago, then today no men would feel warm and fuzzy. It doesn't actually give any reason why women seemingly prefer assholes at all.

Honestly, I think the idea that there is an overwhelming bias towards preferring assholes is crap. Whenever you're interested in a woman and she picks someone else, you automatically see that someone else as an asshole. There are a lot more women out there seeing other people than there are women seeing me, ergo most women prefer assholes.

Bollocks. Different women like different personalities in the guys they go out with.

Fair enough. I agree with you to an extent. a) I was trying to speak for the majority of people and to our basic nature, I'm not saying to what extent our basic nature governs our behaviour or choices. I have noticed that it's generally the jounger women who date that guy who 'treats em mean to keep em keen'. More mature women (and mature people for that matter) have a much better understanding of what they want in a relationship.

But if you think our basic chemistry going on in our bodies and inherited from 1000's of generations doesn't lay down the basis for a good deal of our behaviour, then you'd have to suggest that we're not really animals now would you? I think humans are basically a species of animal. We're ape descendents.

I think Rhombus you're taking this in too much of a value-judgement light and not enough in the light that I originally intended. That's cool too. You're right, I just don't think we're necessarily talking about the exact same thing.

Edit: lotta value based thinking going on in SLR. Maybe I should have posted this to T&A

 

[Formico]

Addressing points.

as for the assholes, the reason women are attracted to them in my opinion is that they play a role to attract women... us shy people just be ourselves, and let natural selection take it's course. also, your theory might be invalid, in that an asshole who is not caught up in himself and his feelings just might say "well, i got my sex, and this way I lose the kid that's slowing me down and find myself free to find another child-free root... screw it, the bitch can die!"

In a cave/ clan like environment, or a tribal one, the community raised the kids. You're thinking in terms of a nuclear family environment.

It doesn't actually give any reason why women seemingly prefer assholes at all.

Ipso facto it does, in terms of the survival of the species assisted by socio-sexual selection. The same way the female of any species tends to resist male advances to select out the weaker, less determined males from breeding.

 

[Beatlebot]

Man, I am sick of these threads 8(

Seriously, we're getting about two or three of these whiny, "Why do women like arseholes" threads a week.

Maybe it's because "arseholes" don't bitch and moan as much as the rest of you do, hmmm?

What, exactly, is an arsehole by your definition anyway? Just because he's an arsehole to you doesn't necessarily mean he's an arsehole to her.

I could just as easily ask why do whiny, insecure men get attracted to women who prefer to play victim in a relationship with an arsehole?

OMG!

Sorry, but I'd have much more sympathy if you explained the situation that inspired this thread, instead of trying to make sweeping generalisations about all women. That's not very "sensitive", is it?

 

[m4dd0g]

^ lol

You select the best genes you can get your hands on.
In 1 minute how do you tell if the genes are good? Because the guy knows and his behavior will tell you.

The perception is that if someone treats you like shit he can do better, therefore, he has superior genes.

 

[knight_marshall]

"Hey that's harsh. You're assuming alot to think that a) I'm an asshole or that b) I'm defending them."

no, i'm assuming that you're gonna end up with one. and i know i was harsh... and i don't apologise... and now that i am an asshole are you attracted to me?

 

[mariacallas]

Honestly, I think the idea that there is an overwhelming bias towards preferring assholes is crap. Whenever you're interested in a woman and she picks someone else, you automatically see that someone else as an asshole. There are a lot more women out there seeing other people than there are women seeing me, ergo most women prefer assholes.

Bollocks. Different women like different personalities in the guys they go out with.

Worth quoting again.

 

[fastandbulbous]

I could just as easily ask why do whiny, insecure men get attracted to women who prefer to play victim in a relationship with an arsehole?

I'd never have guessed that you were getting sick of these sort of threads

Mind you, I don't think you'd have a problem with the whiney, whinging male victim types; one 30 sec monologue like your full post & they'd pee themselves in public!

 

[LoveAlways]

Man, I am sick of these threads 8(

Seriously, we're getting about two or three of these whiny, "Why do women like arseholes" threads a week.

Maybe it's because "arseholes" don't bitch and moan as much as the rest of you do, hmmm?

What, exactly, is an arsehole by your definition anyway? Just because he's an arsehole to you doesn't necessarily mean he's an arsehole to her.

I could just as easily ask why do whiny, insecure men get attracted to women who prefer to play victim in a relationship with an arsehole?

OMG!

Sorry, but I'd have much more sympathy if you explained the situation that inspired this thread, instead of trying to make sweeping generalisations about all women. That's not very "sensitive", is it?

LOL You took the words right out of my mouth.

Honestly, I think the idea that there is an overwhelming bias towards preferring assholes is crap. Whenever you're interested in a woman and she picks someone else, you automatically see that someone else as an asshole. There are a lot more women out there seeing other people than there are women seeing me, ergo most women prefer assholes.

I also agree with this. Just like if a guy I had a thing for picked another girl she would be a slut..

But I have to go back to what Beatlebot said. Why idoes it seem like its always some guy posting "why do girls like assholes?" Never a girl saying "Why do guys only like sluts?" or "Why do I always get stuck with the crazy chick?" etc..

I say-plain and simple everyone is different. Its hard to have a specific answer to such a general question.

 

[withafierceness]

Here's my take (from my own personal experiences). I, too, used to fall into the category of girls attracted to assholes. My idea also kind of goes along with the role of women in evolution.

Women are traditionally nurturers, maybe its that deep inside, we feel the need to help in some way. From my experience with one particualar asshole, I thought I saw some side of him that noone else could. I thought I saw a beautiful person underneath. I saw that he had problems and I wanted to be there to help him become the person I thought he could be.

I'm sure that this does not apply to everyone. I'm sure some girls like to just get pushed around a bit but I think that the "nurturers" thing could have something to do with it.