I spoke with 'M'. I told myself I wouldn't let her know what was going on in my head. I'm in a very weak and dark place. She asked me what I would do if my dog wasn't in my life and I told her that I wouldn't be here if he wasn't here.
WTF? Stupid asshole! I'm fucked in the head right now but what if I get better later? She's now worried and sees me for the weak, whiny, piece of shit that I am.
I guess I've begun sabotaging my opportunities for happiness. Why? Am I trying to make my life as painful as possible so that I'll selfishly disregard my dog and take myself out?
I'm seeing her tomorrow. I finally finished making a card for her over the weekend. I took a thin sheet of copper and burned a variety of words that come into my mind when I think of her into it. I glued some dried flowers to it and melted this rubbery stuff on the sharp edges. I threw it out (along with the paper piece of shit card I made.
She said she wanted them but to me its a matter of self-respect. Why profess my feelings to someone who is so standoff-ish? She knows how I feel. It'll have to do. To tell the truth, she's out of my league and its time for me to accept that. I have nothing to offer right now but my heart. That's pretty meager if you ask me.
Maybe its time to say goodbye. Fuck, that'll hurt but this way she'll realize that there are LOTS of guys out there that can give her the stability and security she wants. Right now, I can't provide anything like that for her.
Am I just waiting for my dog to die?
WTF? Stupid asshole! I'm fucked in the head right now but what if I get better later? She's now worried and sees me for the weak, whiny, piece of shit that I am.
I guess I've begun sabotaging my opportunities for happiness. Why? Am I trying to make my life as painful as possible so that I'll selfishly disregard my dog and take myself out?
I'm seeing her tomorrow. I finally finished making a card for her over the weekend. I took a thin sheet of copper and burned a variety of words that come into my mind when I think of her into it. I glued some dried flowers to it and melted this rubbery stuff on the sharp edges. I threw it out (along with the paper piece of shit card I made.
She said she wanted them but to me its a matter of self-respect. Why profess my feelings to someone who is so standoff-ish? She knows how I feel. It'll have to do. To tell the truth, she's out of my league and its time for me to accept that. I have nothing to offer right now but my heart. That's pretty meager if you ask me.
Maybe its time to say goodbye. Fuck, that'll hurt but this way she'll realize that there are LOTS of guys out there that can give her the stability and security she wants. Right now, I can't provide anything like that for her.
Am I just waiting for my dog to die?
