Why is sober life so fucking complicated

[cyberius]

All these things I have to keep tabs on like exercise... routines... People and their fucking useless bullshit... keeping myself entertained..

This is all so complicated and hard

I like using because its always a simple point a to b transition without any of the meaningless extra shit.

 

[Ds]

I for one complicate the hell out of anything I do that's why I take it easy on myself. no I don't read page 86 & 88 each day from the BB, or read a verse from the bible, I just don't get high or drunk man, as simple as that.

 

[cyberius]

I for one complicate the hell out of anything I do that's why I take it easy on myself. no I don't read page 86 & 88 each day from the BB, or read a verse from the bible, I just don't get high or drunk man, as simple as that.

It just takes so much effort to even think this far into meth addiction. I want to be happy and functional and sober but I can only have two

 

[cyberius]

Add that to the fact that I'll always be a chronically inferior person and life isnt even worth it

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I thought you were using again? What's on your mind?

 

[cyberius]

I thought you were using again? What's on your mind?

2 small 24 and 48 hour bendors on some oral meth, 10 days in between them. I have a new high paying job with rednecks that don't respect me at all. I can't figure out people and I don't even really care to since theyre garbage anyways and drugs are all around better

 

[cyberius]

I Can't be weak or vulnerable but I can't be strong either. Feels like im being kicked around like a soccer ball, I get np satisfaction out of my life except from a good hit of cm

 

[Ds]

that's why people say 1 day at a time cyb, sometimes 1 minute at a time. it doesn't matter if you are some sober guru that knows the book inside and out, all it really boils down to is what joy is there in chasing the next drink or drug? only you can decide for your self if you want to go on out to the bitter ends or change the way you cope and deal with life's challenges.

I will tell ya by personal experience that it does get better. the joy will return. just can't pick back up once you stop.

 

[cyberius]

What joy isn't there in the hunt? The whole experience of buying and blasting it through my body is so full. I can think about it forever and at least I'll have a purpose. I'll have a mission, i can be a vessel for drug use and hedonism and it can go on forever. I'll never be left behind and the mission will never grow up, like me the drug will never change or grow

 

[Tombs]

I'm sorry to not offer any help with this post.

Just letting you know you're not alone. I've been struggling so much lately that suicide has crossed my mind daily since my first post on BL.

On a positive note, daily something happens like my cats will be rub up on me or I'll have a good talk with my mother and I realize it's worth it. It's fucking hard but it's worth it.

Like yourself, I had a minor relapse recently with the percocet I was prescribed post surgery. Prior to surgery, I was as close to "happy" as I could be (I always fake it for people and I can't remember the last time I felt actual joy, I'm not sure I ever will again)and it fucked it all up for me. I feel like I'm starting from 0 again. I feel completely worthless and now that I'm not taking them the sheen has definitely faded from life. A lot of my time is spent talking myself down from a ledge.

I'm super lonely. I used to be the life of the party when I was younger but social anxiety and prison time have whittled my social circle down to damn near nothing. I'm tearing up writing this because I cannot put into words how much I wish someone would just give me a hug or something, show me some warmth.

I have money and people offer me dope on a daily basis walking back to the western blue line from work. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep saying no.

Good luck. I know it's fucked up out there or should I say IN there, referring to the space in your head.

 

[cyberius]

I'm sorry to not offer any help with this post.

Just letting you know you're not alone. I've been struggling so much lately that suicide has crossed my mind daily since my first post on BL.

On a positive note, daily something happens like my cats will be rub up on me or I'll have a good talk with my mother and I realize it's worth it. It's fucking hard but it's worth it.

Like yourself, I had a minor relapse recently with the percocet I was prescribed post surgery. Prior to surgery, I was as close to "happy" as I could be (I always fake it for people and I can't remember the last time I felt actual joy, I'm not sure I ever will again)and it fucked it all up for me. I feel like I'm starting from 0 again. I feel completely worthless and now that I'm not taking them the sheen has definitely faded from life. A lot of my time is spent talking myself down from a ledge.

I'm super lonely. I used to be the life of the party when I was younger but social anxiety and prison time have whittled my social circle down to damn near nothing. I'm tearing up writing this because I cannot put into words how much I wish someone would just give me a hug or something, show me some warmth.

I have money and people offer me dope on a daily basis walking back to the western blue line from work. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep saying no.

Good luck. I know it's fucked up out there or should I say IN there, referring to the space in your head.

Ha that last statememt..

Life is like an endurance race but in my eyes my legs are broken and I got lost from the track years ago

 

[Captain.Heroin]

2 small 24 and 48 hour bendors on some oral meth, 10 days in between them. I have a new high paying job with rednecks that don't respect me at all. I can't figure out people and I don't even really care to since theyre garbage anyways and drugs are all around better

could just be all in your head

new situations can be anxiety provoking

 

[jdfisse]

I have a new high paying job with rednecks that don't respect me at all. I can't figure out people and I don't even really care to since theyre garbage anyways and drugs are all around better

So how do you know they don't respect you? Did you ask them? Or is that a story you are creating in your own head? If you admittedly "can't figure people out" then how come you seem to have these people figured out? It is easy to believe no one respects me when my self image is of not being worthy of respect.

What does respect look like? If they showed you the "respect" you were looking for would you judge that as that they were kissing your butt? When I am looking to build a case I will always find the evidence I am looking for. I hope that you are able to make it back to a meeting...

 

[cj]

Life's hard man. I can relate to it sometimes not feeling worth it.