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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

why is life so hard?

Things are looking better. lollie, i dont agree also with the who doctor thing and giving kids stimulants to help calm them, hell i guess i was one of the guine pigs back in the day.. and it worked so good to me...

hey dexy thanks man, it sucks in early soberity, i'm not going to lie. Emotions are the biggest thing thats fucking with me, I don't want to let them run rampid because i'm just now trying to deal with them sober, i try not to let them interfear with my daily activities, at times i do feel like total shit, that i'm a failure and i should kill myself. Thats when I gotta get outta self, I fucking call my sponsor, go to a meeting. I share man, I gotta share. that shit eats me up in the inside if I don't. even if its a big book study, or w,e I get it off my chest. and it works man it really does.

I call my sponsor everyday, I spill my guts. I tell him i feel like using, and he tells me go to a meeting, i go to a meeting, share, and dont feel like using.
(i feel like i'm riding that pink cloud right now, the meeting i went to is still in me lol)

I gotta stay in the program, I cant. If i leave, I die. game over man.

curlygirl! another alabamanian! war eagle! :D
it fucking sucks living out of a garbage bag. I've been doing it for years because i've been on the streets, been kickd out of rehabs, so shit it's one of those things that I have to get out of my life.

Do you go to meetings? I'm in the birmingham area, and go all over town. holler sometime if u wanna get up or something (i read ur married and it's nothing like that). :)

<3 u all
 
OverDone said:
D's, do you have a Basic Text? Whenever I can't make a meeting I find some solid shit in those pages
Click to expand...

ofcourse i have the book man, it takes me out of my self for a while and helps me work on my spirtuality.
I'm reading the 12x12 now, just getting an indepth understanding about the steps.

i'm good at working step one, but the others are hard for me because I can't grasp the whole higher power thing.

right now my higher power is the people in the meetings, not like jim, or jill. but the shit they say. when i hear you or who ever talk about shit that i'm going through personally I know that shit isn't a quincidence(sp). it's a god thing, something inside them told them to talk about this to help someone else and it sure does help man, so i do the same and someone hears what i say and they share and it wow man.

fuck dude i don't know what made it so damn hard in the past. i was just so fucking hard headed to understand the simple program.

still working on dealing with my emotions. thats why i'm trying to put myself around other people, i cant be by myself because thats the worst fucking place for me ya know?

dealing with my girlfriend right now.. dont know if u read my thread in slr, but i'm serously thinking about breaking up with her because it's fucking up my recovery. she wants me to put her before my recovery and i just cant fucking do it because in the past i've gotten high over the shit.
wish she would understand and go to alanon but she doesn't and i've gotta cut her lose. but i cant put my feelins in words.
 
The answer to the question asked in the title of this thread is:

Whys life soo hard? Simply put, cause we complicate the shit out of it! '

I just love to so shit the hard way. I just keep walking head first intio the same damn wall knowing its there, but keep slamming into it, It would be as simple as walking around the fucking wall but know, I goTTA walk into it.

I swear animals are smarter than us humans,
 
D, War Eagle!!!! I actually live in mccallla i dont know if u know where that is but its about 15 min past bessemer goin towards tuscaloosa. i cant beleive i actually found someone that lives in alabama on here thats crazy and really cool!! and to top it off u r in birmingham so cool!!!!anyways keep your head up like i said bfore if i can turn my life around me who was a dope shooting hopeless nothing who now is a wife mother and a happy person who has got their life together so can u!! i know u can
 
so now your sober, thats great, sucks that you got put on those stupid drugs when you were a kid, but sounds to me from reading your posts that you are pretty sorted, you can see from a position of sobriety and clarity the past situation, thank goodness you got through it.

As for your family, they are not going anywhere, time is a great healer,. have compassion for them, understand them, forgive them, then let them get on with it, what more can you do ?

Move away, go get a job in the great outdoors, go to the mountains, breath in some of nature, work hard for a while, some good honest hard work, eat some good food, trust me you will be starving and it will taste great.

And you will have something positive to focus on instead of the temptation to get high stuck in the same old environment.

take a shot at life, grab hold with both hands and demand a good ride.

see how your family will respond to you when you come back in a year or 2 with an extra 50 pounds of well earned muscle and some grit in your eye.

Just google a few mad wilderness jobs and start applying for them, do something crazy,step up to the plate, it's a real rush, better than any drug.
 
Family is often the biggest cause of addiction & the biggest obstacle to getting clean. Reading between the lines I can see you're just a lost little child who wants to love and be loved. We all are, no matter how old we get. You're trying to heal yourself, but your whole family is broken and needs to be healed. There will be issues that you're not even a part of, that happened before you were born, but that have affected you.

Families can be rebuilt, if there is love there. And I have no doubt that you love your mother and she loves you. Fuck your step-dad, maybe there's a place for him, in time, but for now work on your relationship with your mother & I have a feeling everything else will fall into place. When I was in rehab we were all asked to do one thing - when we were next reunited with our parents to walk up to them and hug them. Not say anything, just hug them in silence for 20 seconds.

Such a small thing, but so monumental & difficult when there's been so much bad history and water under the bridge. Everyones defences and barriers are so high and so well built, so much anger and resentment obscures the love. You've said yourself you're burying the emotions with drugs, well take advatage of the fact you can feel them now, even if its painful. It's good pain. You need to start disassembling the barriers so that truth, honesty (about good & bad) and love can start coming out and the healing process can begin. It really can start with a simple hug. :)

Sorry if this sounds hippy-dippy, but it worked for me
 
Sometimes we have to succeed IN SPITE OF the people who are suppose to be there to help and love us.

The most important thing to realize is that you do have the power to make a good life for yourself regardless of whether your family wants to be a part of it. Fuck them and anyone else who tries to bring you down to that place that makes you want to use.

Family members who cast out others because of an addiction problem aren't real family and they don't deserve your consideration because really TRULY the reason they act like such assholes to you is because they are jealous you at least had the balls to do what you wanted with your life for a while, which was get high, which is more than they can say for their slavin ass sorry selves. They are trying to use you and your problems to make them feel better about themselves by ostracizing you, because it makes them feel like they are better than you ,though the reality is the jokes on them because on the other side of addiction you will be more strong of a person than they will ever have the hope of being.

As grace jones once said, only value the opinions of people whom you know to be true souls and good people whom you respect. All the rest, take their bullshit with a refridgerator sized grain of salt because you ARE and will CONTINUE to become a better person because you aren't giving up on working on yourself (which is a concept the haters can't even comprehend) and their words are NOT stronger than your resolve.

Find some good quality humans to be friends with (hard to do I know) even if they're just on bluelight, and focus your mind on finding your own special gifts and talents. You have them and you are special. Don't ever listen even for a second to ANYONE trying to put bullshit thoughts in your mind. Those people aren't worth your affection or consideration. You will feel pain that they aren't the people they should be but you can't focus or even be a part of family member's lives that A. don't want to be a positive part of your life and B. suck as individuals anyhow because until they start working on themselves enough to apologize to you for being such crucial assholes, you deserve better than to subject yourself to the masochism of having those people in your life at all.
 
lolercopteritis is plaguing our nation at alarming rates

webbykevin said:
so now your sober, thats great, sucks that you got put on those stupid drugs when you were a kid, but sounds to me from reading your posts that you are pretty sorted, you can see from a position of sobriety and clarity the past situation, thank goodness you got through it.

As for your family, they are not going anywhere, time is a great healer,. have compassion for them, understand them, forgive them, then let them get on with it, what more can you do ?

Move away, go get a job in the great outdoors, go to the mountains, breath in some of nature, work hard for a while, some good honest hard work, eat some good food, trust me you will be starving and it will taste great.

And you will have something positive to focus on instead of the temptation to get high stuck in the same old environment.

take a shot at life, grab hold with both hands and demand a good ride.

see how your family will respond to you when you come back in a year or 2 with an extra 50 pounds of well earned muscle and some grit in your eye.

Just google a few mad wilderness jobs and start applying for them, do something crazy,step up to the plate, it's a real rush, better than any drug.
Click to expand...

Damn tree huggin hippies... ;)

I'm ALL about getting in touch with nature and finding spiritual satisfaction in bonding with the earth but I STRONGLY believe that in order for D's family to appreciate him, he needs to let them know that he is a fucking person too and that their judgement is as unnecessary as it is counterproductive and until they can show some basic fucking humanity and respect for the fact that addiction is just as much of an ailment as getting your arm broken in a football game ( cause drug users dont AIM to get addicted, that's a side effect i.e. A MEDICAL PROBLEM just like how when you play football you don't aim to break your arm, that's a side effect of rough physical contact) they don't deserve his compassion or even the acknowledgement of their pathetically ignorant existences.
 
as corny as this may sound, just remember...

it is the bad times in life that make the good ones that much more enjoyable.

they give you perspective when things finally go right.

you can make it through. if i could do it, so can you.

i have been sober for 1.5 years at this point after heavy polysubstance abuse.

it is very very very hard at first. but just stick with it. a month or two in you will be glad. by three or four months you will be golden... come six months you will be set free :-) . It may seem like a long time... but in the grand scheme of things it is not.

You can do it!

Something that really helped me a lot was disposing of everything drug related I had (paraphanelia), throwing away/flushing every drug I had... and the hardest thing I did... and man this was hard.... was I cut off contact with EVERYONE I used to use with. I started over. Still keep in touch with some... but the ones I keep in touch with were not those involved in my bad habits.

You can do it!
 
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