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Why is it that the amount of my self confidence depents on the people im with?

lars90

lars90

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 11, 2012
Messages
523
Location
Germany/USA
When Im with the nabors that I dont really like ebcause they arent nice and dont really accsept me the way I am. And were constantly arguing or doing some shit to eath other. I really have absolutly no self confidence. But when Imw ith one of my friends who I really like and hes really confident that I am also very self confidence. But only with himn and it doesnt stay it goes away :/
 
i think that humans have a tendency to view the people they are surrounded with as a reflection of themselves sometimes....
thus when you are surrounded by awesome people you feel better about yourself and when you are surrounded by douchebags you begin to wonder if you too are in fact a douche
 
Because of your difference in value and their level of respect for you.
 
hmmmm.... only if you have to reflect

funny rub is when you feel confident enough not to care about the trivialities that are leftovers from the tribal times with fixed roles...

you realize that makes you an outcast, a jerk, a nerd, a douche, a mirror-non grata!
 
Well, if I remember correctly, aren't you pretty young? At much younger ages I often let certain people or situations color how I felt about myself. With age and experience came an inner self confidence...now I really and truly am myself and if they don't like it they can fuck off.

Of course age is not the only factor, many more things come into play, but I think it could have a lot to do with it.
 
lars90 said:
When Im with the nabors that I dont really like ebcause they arent nice and dont really accsept me the way I am. And were constantly arguing or doing some shit to eath other. I really have absolutly no self confidence. But when Imw ith one of my friends who I really like and hes really confident that I am also very self confidence. But only with himn and it doesnt stay it goes away :/
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it sounds as if your self worth/esteem/confidence is based, in large part, on that of the people around you. it's easy to armchair-analyse but it sounds like you're insecure to some extent.

how comfortable are you with yourself? how well do you feel you know yourself? do you have a solid grasp on who you are and do you know how to be true to yourself?

alasdair
 
Human attitudes are (often, but not always) dependent on social context.

There was a famous psychology experiment years ago where they dosed volunteers with epi unawares, and placed them in a waiting room-like situation with another volunteer that the drug subject didn't know was in on the experiment. One of the plants was told to act furious and thoroughly negative, while in a separate setting the plant was supposed to act happy and euphoric. When they asked the drugged volunteers to describe the experience later--surprise--how they described their own emotions and reception of the experience was strongly influenced by whether they were with the "mad" or "happy" stranger. In other words, the mind took the generic physiological experience of adrenaline and "ascribed" a value to it depending on context.
 
alasdairm said:
it sounds as if your self worth/esteem/confidence is based, in large part, on that of the people around you. it's easy to armchair-analyse but it sounds like you're insecure to some extent.

how comfortable are you with yourself? how well do you feel you know yourself? do you have a solid grasp on who you are and do you know how to be true to yourself?

alasdair
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No to both absolutely not I have been trying to get my confidence up but I just can't get it to grow. It really does seam like the people around me are factors that change my self confidence allot.
 
It might simply be that you feel like people will look at you differently depending on who you're with. May I ask how old you are? I somehow remember you as being pretty young but might be getting you mixed up with someone else. Just because if you are, I remember until I was about 16 I felt that if I wasn't hanging out with the 'cool kids' then people would think I was, well, uncool, or not worthy of attention/to talk to etc. So I would feel much more confident if I was hanging out with the popular bunch. I also think that has to do with people just being so judgmental in the like 12-16 age range IME. Once we got to the end of high school people were much more mature and it really didn't matter as much how you looked or who you hung out with; and now that I'm at uni I've learned to seriously not give a damn if the people I'm friends with are 'cool' or not.
So just to say you might grow out of it.
 
when confidence goes up and down in a big way depending on the people around you, its because you care what those people think. otherwise you would stay the same
 
lars90 said:
When Im with the nabors that I dont really like ebcause they arent nice and dont really accsept me the way I am. And were constantly arguing or doing some shit to eath other. I really have absolutly no self confidence. But when Imw ith one of my friends who I really like and hes really confident that I am also very self confidence. But only with himn and it doesnt stay it goes away :/
Click to expand...

Sounds like you're just out of your element. I think lots of people go through it. Plus, if you know they don't like you, then you're in a weird situation. Not fun. There are also those times when I'm not self-conscious but very humbled by being in a room with a lot of people I admire and respect. I still have my confidence, but all i want to do is pick their brains and that attitude I usually have in the workplace is replaced by an enormous respect and curiosity I have for them.

Happens to even the most confident people, I think.
 
I think this happens to many people who aren't 100% always confident (which, face it, most people aren't).

For example, I'm pretty confident in general. BUT when I'm around my boyfriend's parents, I get a LOT less confident. They are intimidating. I sometimes get it with my superiors at work as well, I just feel less confident.
 
Pagey said:
It might simply be that you feel like people will look at you differently depending on who you're with. May I ask how old you are? I somehow remember you as being pretty young but might be getting you mixed up with someone else. Just because if you are, I remember until I was about 16 I felt that if I wasn't hanging out with the 'cool kids' then people would think I was, well, uncool, or not worthy of attention/to talk to etc. So I would feel much more confident if I was hanging out with the popular bunch. I also think that has to do with people just being so judgmental in the like 12-16 age range IME. Once we got to the end of high school people were much more mature and it really didn't matter as much how you looked or who you hung out with; and now that I'm at uni I've learned to seriously not give a damn if the people I'm friends with are 'cool' or not.
So just to say you might grow out of it.
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Yeah Very true I'm 15 it's just that my self worth it totally down and I can't talk to girls very good anymore sense Dxm. Well I don't want to push it on Dxm fully wasent ever really cool kid only someone who was friends with them. It's just when I'm with "cool kids" it get way better as soon as I'm not anymore its gone...

pofacedhoe said:
when confidence goes up and down in a big way depending on the people around you, its because you care what those people think. otherwise you would stay the same
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Yeah I care allot about what people say about me. I don't really like that but it's just that way....
 
as you grow older you will care less about what other people think. that was my experience anyway.

also the wider my social experience the less i cared what others thought. some people make you feel good, some make you feel excluded and some you just cant gel with. a handy tip- if the people around you are of a much lower intelligence you might not enjoy their conversation as much.

i often feel judged when surrounded by narrow minded idiots. i'm into people who are open minded with flexible boundaries and non-conservative attitudes. even at nearly 30 on a postgraduate course i'm finding there are people on it i cannot talk to comfortably because they're cliquey and cool for school. associate with those that make you feel good. also start believing in yourself as confident attitudes can develop after confident behaviour
 
Because you haven';t found your autonomy yet - you haven't found who you really are what you're doing in life and where you are going.

spend more time alone, talking to as many people as you can - friendly banter and smalltalk. Flirt a lot more, even if you're not attracted to the people you're flirting with - you need to concentrate on your passion(s) too, whatever your heart tells you to do - do it. People will be drawn to that pure energy, and then your inner confidence in self will grow like a blossoming flower.
 
B1tO'RoughJack said:
Because you haven';t found your autonomy yet - you haven't found who you really are what you're doing in life and where you are going.

spend more time alone, talking to as many people as you can - friendly banter and smalltalk.
Click to expand...

this, also get a job involving lots of social interaction
 
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