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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Lost Why is existing so painful?

Right there in the trenches with ya 😑 Hard to find any value in anything when everything just hurts.

Karma would be too neat of an explanation I think. I prefer to think that we're a macabre play being performed at the hest of intergalactic telepathic space parasites.
 
OpiateKiller said:
Honestly at 27 years old and too many relapses, failures, pain, hurt, mistakes, terrible actions on my own part...

Do we get what we deserve? Is this just karma?

It feels easier to just die right now it really does than to go on any longer
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I don't know.

I sometimes feel like that. Like I must have done something, somehow, to deserve the bad shit that's happened to me in my life.

I can't speak for you, I was suicidal once, had a suicide attempt in early 2011. After that I got a lot better (after being treated at a psych hospital), and while I've been seriously depressed at times since, especially lately, I refuse to consider suicide again.

Not so long as my immediate family, my mom and my brother, are still alive.

I refuse to put them through the pain of my death, one way or another I intend to live so long as one of them is alive. I hope you can find similar things that drive you to keep going.

We will all die eventually, but our futures are unknown until we've lived them. I'd have missed out on sooooo many good things if I'd died 10 years ago when I was 22.

Id have missed being in love with someone for the first (and to date, only) time, while things didn't seem to work out we had a lot of good years together and I still wouldn't trade them for just about anything.

I've met lots of great people in that time. Had lots of positive experiences I would have missed.

Depression poisons everything and blinds you to possible positive futures you might still have. I was completely certain when I tried to kill myself that it could never get any better. But it did, it can. Sure many really bad things also have happened since then. But I still don't wish I'd died 10 years ago.

I don't know your situation, but if you ever want someone to talk too I'm happy to listen. <3
 
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It’s like the world has crashed down upon me and it’s all hitting me full force my girl just blocked me and she’s never done that like this.

It’s like part of me wants to do better but the devil is strong in my mind right now idk if I can fight the any longer fentanyl is ringing my phone and it won’t stop.

Idk if I can do it anymore
 
I don't believe in karma or anything like that but I had a condition cotards syndrome where i thought i was dead. I was in the psych ward and i thought it was purgatory for some reason. I couldnt work out what i had done to wind up in such a place. i thought i had done something big like murder to deserve all the shit i went through . This is also called delusions of nihilism and this name is a pretty good description of this disorder.

That was the worst ive ever gotten and so far i havent done anything to deserve it either. Throw in cold turkey morphine and clonazepam withdrawals an you get the picture. It was a completely fucked existence.
 
OpiateKiller said:
It’s like the world has crashed down upon me and it’s all hitting me full force my girl just blocked me and she’s never done that like this.

It’s like part of me wants to do better but the devil is strong in my mind right now idk if I can fight the any longer fentanyl is ringing my phone and it won’t stop.

Idk if I can do it anymore
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I sent you a message, dude. Would love to chat if you're around.
 
"Deserve" has nothing to do with it. Cast that thought out of your mind. Even when a negative outcome can be traced back to a specific action by an individual, we take actions and there are consequences resulting from our actions but that's different from, "they deserve it".

Life is hard, it doesn't matter who you are...like you said, everyone suffers from the pain and dread associated with human existence. I certainly haven't figured out an answer to the riddle yet. But we can help each other out as best we can in this reality...I agree with the other poster who said that, when they were 27, they hated life too but then things got better for them. I feel the same way about that. I'd give yourself some more time and some more consideration/self-forgiveness...people are here if you need us, stay strong brother
 
JessFR said:
We will all die eventually, but our futures are unknown until we've lived them. I'd have missed out on sooooo many good things if I'd died 10 years ago when I was 22.

Depression poisons everything and blinds you to possible positive futures you might still have.
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Very wise words right there. I needed to read that.
 
I've always felt that I've been enduring life rather than living it. Hence my substance abuse. I've never been wealthy nor privileged, but I'm I'm lucky that I've never been depressed enough to want to accelerate its demise. Guess I'm just waiting for the inevitable... :\
 
I've always been determined to never take myself out on purpose because then it means the bastards won. I'll never give them that. I'm gonna fuckin stay around in spite of all the disgusting people in this world that make life miserable for everyone else.
 
crazy that perception is all that depression really is.

Our brain is so powerful. Without these actual thoughts we would not get scared of things though and having a healthy balanced mind is alot harder to accomplish/master than people tell you.

Getting balanced emotions is really difficult, espeically if you have been/ are a user.

Its all about getting those chemical balances back to normal and training yourself to know whats good and not good for you.

Then its putting that into practice (which i call the hard part)

Having discipline was never my strong point but its what really can help when putting a balanced lifestyle into practice.

Hope your feeling better soon and you came back to this thread to say your feeling better,

Life is as tough as you perceive it to be.

Stay strong, your loved ones would want you to be strong!
 
Bare_head said:
crazy that perception is all that depression really is.

Our brain is so powerful. Without these actual thoughts we would not get scared of things though and having a healthy balanced mind is alot harder to accomplish/master than people tell you.

Getting balanced emotions is really difficult, espeically if you have been/ are a user.

Its all about getting those chemical balances back to normal and training yourself to know whats good and not good for you.

Then its putting that into practice (which i call the hard part)

Having discipline was never my strong point but its what really can help when putting a balanced lifestyle into practice.

Hope your feeling better soon and you came back to this thread to say your feeling better,

Life is as tough as you perceive it to be.

Stay strong, your loved ones would want you to be strong!
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Far out, you worded that so well. Thank you.
It is one reason why Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is SO successful for such wide range of mental ailments, is because our perception of reality has such a huge impact on how we feel and act, and just by changing that perception (and practicing it) we can change our feelings and actions.
I love the Mind so much.
 
OpiateKiller said:
Honestly at 27 years old and too many relapses, failures, pain, hurt, mistakes, terrible actions on my own part...

Do we get what we deserve? Is this just karma?

It feels easier to just die right now it really does than to go on any longer
Click to expand...
Hi mate,
hoping u do feel a bit better...
i too been asking myself that same question and i hear you loud and clear. i am a WW2 history buff so when i think about the holocaust and the terrible torture and murder that went on in Europe i can only think that maybe god went on vacation or that he is one sadistic 13 years old psychopath... i have no idea how life can be so full of pain and desperation without someone or something orchestrating that shit-show to the full effect of pain an suffering around the globe.

sorry for not having nothing nicer to say but that's just my 2 cents.

maybe you can take some comfort in the fact that ur not alone..
 
Dude I would be grateful to be told I will live to see tomorrow by a doctor too late for a benzo in ter ms of psyche relie f now purely physiological pain mainly the mood I mean not what lurks down there I cursed the universe recently and told the horde of them they c ould strike me dead
 
OpiateKiller said:
Honestly at 27 years old and too many relapses, failures, pain, hurt, mistakes, terrible actions on my own part...

Do we get what we deserve? Is this just karma?'

It feels easier to just die right now it really does than to go on any longer
Click to expand...
My own personal perspective is to avoid believing in this 'karma' bullshit. Sometimes, there are repurcussions for out acts good/bad - that do appear like the 'karma' concept but really - do you honestly believe that some of the horrific things that humans incurred, down through the centuries until present, is because they, 'brought it on themselves'? - I think this is far too simplistic and beyond cruel, of a dogma to believe. life is way too complex and individuals, also - to pin that cruelty as a solution, imho.

Hope you are keeping your head-high, despite all the shitty stuff, you've been enduring. 'Terrible-actions' can be learnt from...people can grow, mature in conscious and make amends - especially, to themselves - when regret, guilt and shame is taking over your mental state. Do take action, never lose, hope. <3
 
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