Ventrusii
Bluelighter
I've been hesitant to post my "New member Introduction" because I thought it was a bit too overbearing and pointless but in recognition of national suicide month, I've decided the time to share it is most appropriate right now.
In early June of this year, I was in a state of depression so deep that thinking of killing myself was a daily occurrence, so I did what all idiot teenagers do in this state and scoured the medicine cabinet in hopes of finding something to alleviate the pain that I felt. I had a problem at the time with eating and rarely ate more than 500 calories except for the days where I'd eat an entire week of food at 11 at night, so I felt like something that would regulate that impulse would be my goal, and the only thing I found that I took any interest in at the time was Dextromethorphan (DXM/Dex). I saw that it was an SSRI (or SSNRI, I still can't figure out exactly which it is.), and knew that serotonin was a "Feel good chemical", so I took a night and researched the hell out of that and the other active chemical, CPM (Which yes, I know what I'm doing at this point and know that it's HELL in a chemical) . I loved what I found on erowid (the still-fascinating FAQ on Dex), and decided to drink the entire bottle of children's robo cough and cold. (180mg Dex & 24mg CPM which worked out to 3mg/kg Dex) I felt such euphoria (or so I felt at the time) and something in my head decided to click and the only thought going through my head was "If I can keep doing this, I give 0 shits about withholding food and concerning myself with body image, this is the only shit I need" and from then on, my outlook on life was forever changed. I had such ease with food, I was finally happy for the first time in over a year. I completely changed within a month, I started hanging with friends more, I started using Dex that I acquired from other methods to relax at night, I gave a shit about school, and I finally got rid of all that I thought was bad in my life. I felt like I was a whole new person, but in reality, I was just myself from before I started starving myself. My parents noticed too and they were so happy with the fact that I was able to come out of my room without cursing the world in my wake, and It made me feel the happiest I ever had, I HAD FOUND THE ANTIDOTE!
Sorry for rambling there at the end, It was just such an utter feeling of happiness and complacency that it's hard to put in words. Anyway, my depression is over and I havent thought of killing myself in months, and I'm eternally thankful to that peculiar morphinian that is DXM. Just thought I'd share my story seeing that it's suicide awareness month.
In early June of this year, I was in a state of depression so deep that thinking of killing myself was a daily occurrence, so I did what all idiot teenagers do in this state and scoured the medicine cabinet in hopes of finding something to alleviate the pain that I felt. I had a problem at the time with eating and rarely ate more than 500 calories except for the days where I'd eat an entire week of food at 11 at night, so I felt like something that would regulate that impulse would be my goal, and the only thing I found that I took any interest in at the time was Dextromethorphan (DXM/Dex). I saw that it was an SSRI (or SSNRI, I still can't figure out exactly which it is.), and knew that serotonin was a "Feel good chemical", so I took a night and researched the hell out of that and the other active chemical, CPM (Which yes, I know what I'm doing at this point and know that it's HELL in a chemical) . I loved what I found on erowid (the still-fascinating FAQ on Dex), and decided to drink the entire bottle of children's robo cough and cold. (180mg Dex & 24mg CPM which worked out to 3mg/kg Dex) I felt such euphoria (or so I felt at the time) and something in my head decided to click and the only thought going through my head was "If I can keep doing this, I give 0 shits about withholding food and concerning myself with body image, this is the only shit I need" and from then on, my outlook on life was forever changed. I had such ease with food, I was finally happy for the first time in over a year. I completely changed within a month, I started hanging with friends more, I started using Dex that I acquired from other methods to relax at night, I gave a shit about school, and I finally got rid of all that I thought was bad in my life. I felt like I was a whole new person, but in reality, I was just myself from before I started starving myself. My parents noticed too and they were so happy with the fact that I was able to come out of my room without cursing the world in my wake, and It made me feel the happiest I ever had, I HAD FOUND THE ANTIDOTE!
Sorry for rambling there at the end, It was just such an utter feeling of happiness and complacency that it's hard to put in words. Anyway, my depression is over and I havent thought of killing myself in months, and I'm eternally thankful to that peculiar morphinian that is DXM. Just thought I'd share my story seeing that it's suicide awareness month.
