Why I don't want to sleep?

[YaBa]

I've had this problem long long time, but nowadays it's just getting worse. I feel tired, I know sleeping would be good for me and I don't think there would be any big problems to fall asleep (only I have been getting really powerful jerks for a year now, but those does not really bother me that much anymore - at least not conciously). But still, I just waste my time watching movies or reading some useless stuff, or whatever, nothing useful/important anyway. Then I go to sleep when I am so tired that I'm almost falling asleep where I'm sitting.

When I have been sober for long, it doesn't happen that much, still do sometimes. But lets say I have been out drinking, next night I just stay awake feeling bad as long as I can. And same thing when doing uppers. Many times other people who I'm doing that with have slept at least 1 time and many times 2 times before I'm ready to fall asleep. And it has nothing to do with tolerance or me doing more. I could have slept also, but I just don't want and I fight the feeling off.

And it's same in the morning. First time when I open my eyes I get up. Even if I have been sleeping only few hours, I just don't want to sleep. When doing meth, many times I even put alarm clock to wake me up after 15 mins, so I don't sleep more. What's up with that? Is there any scientific reason why I'm feeling like that?

I'm not thinking that sleeping is just waste of time or that I don't want to miss anything by sleeping (well, I guess I feel like that sometimes, but it doesn't explain why). But usually I feel little bit down when this happens, and thinking of going to sleep sounds even more depressing. Anyway, if anyone have any knowledge or experience about this issue, please share!

 

[Pagey]

Do you have nightmares often or do you associate sleep with anything negative?
I had an ex who would get depressed whenever he got tired because he hated the idea that while he was sleeping, he was missing out on 'living'. Kinda weird but he'd force himself to stay awake as long as possible and same as you, whenever he woke up during the night he'd get up immediately. D'you think that might be it? (could be on a more subconscious level)
If you do a lot of stims it's also normal that you wouldn't be sleeping as much as you should.

 

[YaBa]

Thanks for the reply. I don't usually have nightmares and even if I do, I somehow enjoy having those so don't think it's about that.

Other thing might be something more close to the truth, at least some of the time. But for example now it's 3:11 AM, I have sleep about 6-8 hours altogether last 4 nights, I'm really tired, but still for some reason don't want to fall asleep. And at least now it's not at all about that I would feel that I miss out anything. I've been trying to really think about it and I think it might actually be more about waking up. Kind of like feel that there is nothing waiting for me to wake up (still going to get up as soon as I open my eyes). I don't really feel like depressed and I kind of live the dream - I live abroad in exotic country, run successful company and have money, all the girls love me and I'm having a lot of fun - but could this still be some type of depression? Would love to read about it but couldn't find anything useful.

 

[Pagey]

Dyou mean it's like you don't want to fall asleep because you don't want to have to wake up and face a new day?
Depression can happen to anyone - it's not because you objectively have the 'perfect life' that you're immune to it, unfortunately.

 

[herbavore]

It sounds like you are developing a psychological habit and you should probably cut out the stimulants while you are trying to change it to something healthier. Sleep is essential for the body as much as good nutrition. Also, sleep deprivation has a cumulative effect that can lead to many serious problems, both psychological and physical.

 

[blahman8000]

Is there anything about waking up that you're trying to evade? Work? Or like Pagey suggested, simply a new day?

I've had a very similar habit of staying up well into the night and early morning, even prior to a busy morning, without knowing why. Insomnia couldn't have been the culprit at the time, because I very well could have fallen asleep at a reasonable time. In retrospect, I think I enjoyed the solitude of having alone time at night and kind of overindulged in it, even just when I'm bullshitting at the computer and watching movies. A lot of us are simply nocturnal. And a lot of us relish alone time, and hours just pass.

 

[Swimmingdancer]

I have the same problem, although mine doesn't involve any use of drugs/alcohol (although if I understand correctly you were saying this happens to you when you're sober too and just happens more when you've used drugs/alcohol?), however maybe some of my reasons might still apply to you. I think for me it is a combination of factors:

- I have an endocrine system imbalance where my body produces more of the hormones responsible for wakefulness in the evenings
- I also think I have higher levels of positive neurotransmitters in the evening, and lower levels during the day (if you're doing drugs/alcohol in the evenings this could happen due to that as well, as well as making you more wakeful/stimulated); even if I am still feeling depressed at night it's like I just want to do stuff to distract myself from feeling that way or something
- I generally feel like crap in the mornings
- I have sleep problems and sleep (or trying to sleep) is not always a pleasant thing for me, nor do I wake up feeling rested and refreshed
- even though I know better I do things that prevent me from going to sleep and mask sleepiness, like using the computer and watching movies, which are very easy to spend a lot of time doing without really realizing it and also make one feel less sleepy, even if my body is physically tired and I would've felt sleepy had I been doing something mellow and less engaging in a dimly-lit room (it's well-known to sleep therapists that computers/TVs/bright lights/etc at night is a very bad idea)
- I think I also just have a tendency to be nocturnal, especially if there is nothing fun/exciting to wake up for the next day
- winter, with its lower light levels and temperatures, really affects this for me too (also staying inside, not getting sun)
- since I sometimes have trouble turning off my mind when I go to bed perhaps I want to wait until I'm exhausted before going to bed

All of these things combine to make me not want to go to sleep. I'll often be feeling less depressed and fatigued than I do during the day, and I think I subconsciously fear waking up and feeling depressed/sick/in pain. And after not feeling good earlier in the day I want to take advantage of the time in the evening when I actually feel ok and not "waste" it by going to bed on time. Even if in reality I end up doing unimportant things because I pretend to myself I'm going to bed soon, or because other people are sleeping, etc. Then if I stay up late I might end up sleeping late, so I either don't want to go to bed on time the next night and it just builds on itself, or I feel guilty about sleeping in and try to get up even though I haven't had a full night's sleep.

 

[Toz]

I do not want to sleep at night either, I prolong it as long as possible. Not because I don't like rest, but because I suffer allodynia (painful condition that makes sheets feel = glass shards) after laying on them for more than an hour or so. It's not necessary all that bad always, but I will be guaranteed the next morning when I wake up, it will feel either like I'm burning with pins and needles, or if bad, being slashed by a knife 100 times over. These symptoms then gradually lessen during the day, but never stop. So the next night, I know I will have to go through it all again. This has made me totally unable to sleep without meds. I don't go to bed unless I am absolutlely certain I will fall asleep. Because if I do and don't fall asleep, I still get the pain but no rest. And then sleeping will never happen that night.

 

[jaspersilence]

Sounds like there is something more you should be doing in life...Something better perhaps?...Also Meth will change your brain chemistry,so it may be the onset of that...

 

[Swimmingdancer]

I do not want to sleep at night either, I prolong it as long as possible. Not because I don't like rest, but because I suffer allodynia (painful condition that makes sheets feel = glass shards) after laying on them for more than an hour or so. It's not necessary all that bad always, but I will be guaranteed the next morning when I wake up, it will feel either like I'm burning with pins and needles, or if bad, being slashed by a knife 100 times over. These symptoms then gradually lessen during the day, but never stop. So the next night, I know I will have to go through it all again. This has made me totally unable to sleep without meds. I don't go to bed unless I am absolutlely certain I will fall asleep. Because if I do and don't fall asleep, I still get the pain but no rest. And then sleeping will never happen that night.

Yeah, I have that too, I just didn't mention it since my post was already so long, I didn't think it would be applicable to the OP's case, plus I had trouble going to bed at night long before the allodynia.

 

[iliketoast]

When I have been sober for long, it doesn't happen that much, still do sometimes. But lets say I have been out drinking, next night I just stay awake feeling bad as long as I can. And same thing when doing uppers

i think sleep deprivation is my favorite drug.

 

[Toz]

Yeah, I have that too, I just didn't mention it since my post was already so long, I didn't think it would be applicable to the OP's case, plus I had trouble going to bed at night long before the allodynia.

It's the worst feeling in the world (because it is constant, and never lets up)... I feel for you. really. I was hoping no one else would have to suffer this. No one deserves this. Fuck this condition. I would so gladly have any other pains really, I envy those that have horrible pain on one spot due to problems with muscles/bones whatever.

been awake for 4 days now I think, I still don't want to sleep, the thought of going to bed makes me cringe. But I have to.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Do you get enough physical exercise during the day? Inactivity can really exacerbate insomnia.

 

[Swimmingdancer]

i think sleep deprivation is my favorite drug.

There is actually a lot of research showing that sleep deprivation improves depression. Unfortunately it causes a lot of other problems. Sleep deprivation even used to be a treatment for depression, but it lost popularity with the advent of drugs for treating depression (and likely because the benefits are only temporary and there are so many disadvantages to insufficient sleep). So not wanting to sleep can actually be a sign of depression.

Do a search for "sleep deprivation antidepressant effects" on Google Scholar if anyone is interested to learn more.

 

[YaBa]

Thanks for all the replies!

Dyou mean it's like you don't want to fall asleep because you don't want to have to wake up and face a new day?
Depression can happen to anyone - it's not because you objectively have the 'perfect life' that you're immune to it, unfortunately.

Not really like that. I'm really positive person and even when I feel really depressed (which I think is normal for anyone depending if you are really depressed or not) I usually see all the things in my life in positive way. But yeah, if I need to say some thing that bothers me in a new day, it has to be some kind of emptiness. Not really the right word to describe how I feel, just that there is not really much I wait to happen next day (and there's still usually plenty of things that happen and I usually enjoy my day). But not really sure if this is the main cause, since I don't think I have always felt that kind of emptiness - but I have still had the same problem with staying awake too late.

It sounds like you are developing a psychological habit and you should probably cut out the stimulants while you are trying to change it to something healthier. Sleep is essential for the body as much as good nutrition. Also, sleep deprivation has a cumulative effect that can lead to many serious problems, both psychological and physical.

I think I usually sleep enough, but I get what you saying.

Is there anything about waking up that you're trying to evade? Work? Or like Pagey suggested, simply a new day?

I've had a very similar habit of staying up well into the night and early morning, even prior to a busy morning, without knowing why. Insomnia couldn't have been the culprit at the time, because I very well could have fallen asleep at a reasonable time. In retrospect, I think I enjoyed the solitude of having alone time at night and kind of overindulged in it, even just when I'm bullshitting at the computer and watching movies. A lot of us are simply nocturnal. And a lot of us relish alone time, and hours just pass.

I don't think to evade anything. I think every aspect of my life is okay and I don't stress about anything.

I have the same problem, although mine doesn't involve any use of drugs/alcohol (although if I understand correctly you were saying this happens to you when you're sober too and just happens more when you've used drugs/alcohol?), however maybe some of my reasons might still apply to you. I think for me it is a combination of factors:

- I have an endocrine system imbalance where my body produces more of the hormones responsible for wakefulness in the evenings
- I also think I have higher levels of positive neurotransmitters in the evening, and lower levels during the day (if you're doing drugs/alcohol in the evenings this could happen due to that as well, as well as making you more wakeful/stimulated); even if I am still feeling depressed at night it's like I just want to do stuff to distract myself from feeling that way or something
- I generally feel like crap in the mornings
- I have sleep problems and sleep (or trying to sleep) is not always a pleasant thing for me, nor do I wake up feeling rested and refreshed
- even though I know better I do things that prevent me from going to sleep and mask sleepiness, like using the computer and watching movies, which are very easy to spend a lot of time doing without really realizing it and also make one feel less sleepy, even if my body is physically tired and I would've felt sleepy had I been doing something mellow and less engaging in a dimly-lit room (it's well-known to sleep therapists that computers/TVs/bright lights/etc at night is a very bad idea)
- I think I also just have a tendency to be nocturnal, especially if there is nothing fun/exciting to wake up for the next day
- winter, with its lower light levels and temperatures, really affects this for me too (also staying inside, not getting sun)
- since I sometimes have trouble turning off my mind when I go to bed perhaps I want to wait until I'm exhausted before going to bed

All of these things combine to make me not want to go to sleep. I'll often be feeling less depressed and fatigued than I do during the day, and I think I subconsciously fear waking up and feeling depressed/sick/in pain. And after not feeling good earlier in the day I want to take advantage of the time in the evening when I actually feel ok and not "waste" it by going to bed on time. Even if in reality I end up doing unimportant things because I pretend to myself I'm going to bed soon, or because other people are sleeping, etc. Then if I stay up late I might end up sleeping late, so I either don't want to go to bed on time the next night and it just builds on itself, or I feel guilty about sleeping in and try to get up even though I haven't had a full night's sleep.

These are all good reasons, but I think these are more like products of that feeling that makes me stay up so late and not other way around.

Do you get enough physical exercise during the day? Inactivity can really exacerbate insomnia.

That is true, but it's not really about imsomnia, since I could sleep if I just wanted to go to sleep.

There is actually a lot of research showing that sleep deprivation improves depression. Unfortunately it causes a lot of other problems. Sleep deprivation even used to be a treatment for depression, but it lost popularity with the advent of drugs for treating depression (and likely because the benefits are only temporary and there are so many disadvantages to insufficient sleep). So not wanting to sleep can actually be a sign of depression.

Do a search for "sleep deprivation antidepressant effects" on Google Scholar if anyone is interested to learn more.

Yea, I just read about it and I think this is somehow related to what is happening. Maybe my body/brains unconsciously forces me to stay awake to help/avoid depression. I kind of find myself embracing all those sad feelings I got after drinking or something even when sober and keep myself feeling all that as long as I can. Not really sure why I do that or what is happening in my body to make me feel or act this way. Would love to understand the system better and maybe find the bottom reason for all of this or maybe even find a way to manipulate my own feelings.

 

[michael]

i am desperate to sleep normally - by which i mean feeling rested afterwards. i am a serial napper. i just can't make it work. i have been downright miserable my entire life because of it. i never, ever, ever feel awake. i can't read a book anymore because i just fall asleep. i wake up though, and i don't feel rested at all. i HATE this so much. HATE HATE HATE HATE.

 

[YaBa]

i am desperate to sleep normally - by which i mean feeling rested afterwards. i am a serial napper. i just can't make it work. i have been downright miserable my entire life because of it. i never, ever, ever feel awake. i can't read a book anymore because i just fall asleep. i wake up though, and i don't feel rested at all. i HATE this so much. HATE HATE HATE HATE.

Sorry to hear that, must be frustrating. I don't really have a problem feeling rested even I delay going sleep as much as possible, at least when I'm living more "normal" life without too much drugs/alcohol.

 

[iliketoast]

Not really like that. I'm really positive person and even when I feel really depressed (which I think is normal for anyone depending if you are really depressed or not) I usually see all the things in my life in positive way. But yeah, if I need to say some thing that bothers me in a new day, it has to be some kind of emptiness. Not really the right word to describe how I feel, just that there is not really much I wait to happen next day (and there's still usually plenty of things that happen and I usually enjoy my day). But not really sure if this is the main cause, since I don't think I have always felt that kind of emptiness - but I have still had the same problem with staying awake too late.

I can totally relate to the feeling of emptiness. Sometimes I wonder if it's from having to interact with people during the day - I have a "loud" mind and a quiet voice, so social interaction is a huge energy output that I think I unconsciously try to numb myself to. Sometimes depression isn't necessarily being "down" or "sad" or whatever. I know for me it tends to manifest as just BLEH - going through the motions, the whole emptiness and numb thing..

Do a search for "sleep deprivation antidepressant effects" on Google Scholar if anyone is interested to learn more.

Thank you, I was surprised I'd never read anything like that til now. Another interesting search: "sleep deprivation introverts extroverts."

Yea, I just read about it and I think this is somehow related to what is happening. Maybe my body/brains unconsciously forces me to stay awake to help/avoid depression. I kind of find myself embracing all those sad feelings I got after drinking or something even when sober and keep myself feeling all that as long as I can. Not really sure why I do that or what is happening in my body to make me feel or act this way. Would love to understand the system better and maybe find the bottom reason for all of this or maybe even find a way to manipulate my own feelings.

I say it all the time, but do you do any writing or any other creative output? I find when all I do is take stuff in (read, watch, listen, etc) I just get broody and stuck. Writing helps me sort through my head a little bit, sometimes enough to feel like going to sleep.

 

[twotoomany]

i am desperate to sleep normally - by which i mean feeling rested afterwards. i am a serial napper. i just can't make it work. i have been downright miserable my entire life because of it. i never, ever, ever feel awake. i can't read a book anymore because i just fall asleep. i wake up though, and i don't feel rested at all. i HATE this so much. HATE HATE HATE HATE.

That's rough! Have you looked into sleep apnea? My dad had it all his life. He now sleeps like a baby with his cpap machine. He had the same constantly unrested symptoms...

 

[michael]

i have a sleep study scheduled later this month, but i have never shown any symptoms of apnea past snoring, and i only snore if i lay on my back. my symptoms are really all over the sleep disorder map.