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Why/How did you become a junkie?

JunkieDays

JunkieDays

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 22, 2012
Messages
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Location
SouthJersey
Face it. None of you woke up and thought "I'm going to be a junkie today"
Some of you have lost everything, some are more fortunate and haven't hit rock bottom yet.
However, we're all on the same path of 'self-destruction' if you will..

So, what made you become a junkie?
I know most of you are going to say because of the rush or feeling it gives you... chasing the dragon.
and that's probably true, but.. isn't there more to it than that? maybe not?
 
to save money, get a rush, for the experience, made me feel badass using a needle. that's pretty much it
 
Wanted to keep getting that nice feeling day after day. I just couldn't wait a day or two between using.

I'm off it now but I still crave. Had a dream about prepping a speedball this morning but woke up before I got to shoot it!
 
When I got kicked out my parents house I moved to a new town. Got help from a friend who was a big dealer. Started pills blew threw a lot of $ then got into the dope game an used too much. Started shootn cuz it took 2 buns to get high an then voila I'm here. Stepped out an shut down for a while. Went through some withdraws to lower tolerance but I'm still usin everyday. Honestly rite now in my life I can't see ever gettn off the shit.

I hit bottom but I ain't givin up an every day is a new hustle to make it an be successful.
 
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the impossibility of the future turning out differently than horrible. the "fuck it" factor. i knew very well what i was going into.
i dunno if i was ever a junkie junkie, more of a chipper. but you know, i know that memory of the rush is always inside me and would gladly take hold again if i was willing to fall into it.
i'm just stronger than that and care about other shit more.
 
Interesting question with a complex answer.
Reason 1 Acting out suicidal tendencies without overtly being seen as a suicidal action; I used to fantasize that this shot could end me, yet told myself that I would avoid metaphysical consequences of a direct suicide as death was by no means certain. Mixed in with this was some relief from eminent and persistent recurring death wish.
Reason 2 Curiosity blossomed rapidly to amalgam of hedonism and emotional pain relief, later transformed into manipulation of my personality.
Reason 3 Vicious circle of Needing speedballs to handle doing the unsavory, high risk, painful actions necessary to afford the speedballs. And around and around we go madness non-stop, euphoria induced misery.
There is more to the story. We are not just junkies. We are human beings.
Somewhere in the story here is a soul seeking fulfillment. Seeking love, beauty, self-knowledge and mystical experience, and dealing with the pain and disappointments of life arguably poorly, yet as well as possible.
 
I am not a junkie right now, and never was a real junkie. But when i was using hard drugs daily, it was because i just simply wasn't happy with my self and my life ( still am not ).
But yea, the longer you stay in the drug game the more rules you break. Everything becomes soon enough, those rules you made for your self like never try meth or heroin go right out the window.
 
I started using with my boyfriend. I was 35 and knew better than to get high just because someone else was. But when I made the choice to stick around it meant through all of it, good and bad. I thought that when he was ready we could put it down. Together or apart, however it was meant to happen. I believe the world unfolds the way it's meant to. And he did finally decide he was done with it. Of course he wanted to get high "one more time," before we both quit. I don't know if we would have succeeded or not. I've quit meth after doing it for years, as well as weed and alcohol. For me, when something isn't fun anymore, I just stop doing it. The wd's are a bitch, but after that I don't have a hard time quitting anything. I knew that heroin wd's would be a lot worse than anything I'd dealt with before, but I felt that I could get through anything as long as we were together. It was that kind of love. The kind you don't think really exists until you're in it. He had just gotten out of jail and had been clean for a month already, so even though I didn't want him to mess that up by getting high, I also knew that he wouldn't have a hard time kicking the next day after just using the one night. But that "one last time" killed him. People think that waking up to find the love of your life dead on the floor next to your bed should be the wake up call that gets you clean. But I was ready to get clean the day before. I didn't even do any before I fell asleep. I was tired and relieved to have him home and ready to wake up the next morning and start cleaning up the mess we'd made of our lives... together. But without him I just don't care anymore. It's been almost a year since he died and I've only gone about 24 hours without any dope maybe 3 times. It wasn't by choice and it was awful. Not just the physical part, but the pain of losing him hits me full on like I'm right back to that day. Like when you put a band-aid on a cut, but when you pull it off, you rip it open again. I'm keeping my band-aid. I go to work. I pay my bills. I support my habit without hurting anyone. And of the handful of people who know about my habit, if any of them have a problem with it, (and I think they all do,) they can keep it to themselves because I don't give a crap.

I used to fantasize that this shot could end me, yet told myself that I would avoid metaphysical consequences of a direct suicide as death was by no means certain
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And maybe this too, to a certain extent. Although I am careful and by no means suicidal. But the thought does cross my mind that I can always make the next shot a bit bigger and then this lonely, empty existence is over. Maybe I'm too chicken or maybe it's because I know that's the last thing he'd want. Or maybe it's just because no one would take care of my dogs, (his dogs,) the way I do. Whatever the reason is, I'm still here. But I'll do dope until I decide I'm done with it. So there.
 
Tryptamite said:
Wanted to keep getting that nice feeling day after day. I just couldn't wait a day or two between using.

I'm off it now but I still crave. Had a dream about prepping a speedball this morning but woke up before I got to shoot it!
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NEVER GET TO GET OFF in those using dreams.. worst one I have sometimes is about to shoot and the cops come in and prevent the shot and then harass and make fun of me.. yeah lame..

a sweet little smokeshow turned me on, seems the devil often looks like an angel and maybe she was.. yeah I already new, but figured just once, you know, just to see what all the hype is.. yep it became a regular thing from that night on for many years.. till I cleaned up.. idk though I remember when i was really young having a conversation about people who give up everything to take this stuff that makes them feel good, and i think i remember saying I have to try that once..

EDIT:
XThexXTank said:
I hit bottom but I ain't givin up an every day is a new hustle to make it an be successful.
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LOVE THIS
 
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I'm not at that point yet, but today, I did heroin for the first time. I did it because my source for oxies had been cut off by the doctor, and because I wanted to save money. The entire experience of semi-successfully(I say "semi" because I got ripped off the first time) copping off the streets was so surreal, I really did feel like I must be dreaming. I'm high right now as I type, and watching "Trainspotting"(cliche, I know).
It's actually rather scary, and to be honest, I'm probably a real idiot for doing this. I say this because I've never been dope-sick in my life, despite having been a regular user of oxycodone for the past three years. It's just that instead of every day, I'd use every one or two weeks, but like clockwork.
Tomorrow, I plan to re-evaluate my situation in life. I may simply quit altogether. I'm not a junkie, but I worry that THIS may be what sucks me into the physical addiction.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I did it to save my life.

I didn't realize that's what I was doing at the time.
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I think this as well. some people say I'm sick and diluted, but I know it kept me from preventing greater crimes and helped me maintain my sanity to a degree.
 
When I felt the rush of IV heroin for the first time, I knew I had fallen deeply in love. It was so warm, fuzzy, and the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. I felt a delusional heavenly light glowing within me. I wanted to feel that euphoria everyday. Then IV cocaine came to join a few years later... Fuck
 
well when i was 18 thi kid i worked with got in my car with 5 bottles of oxycontin 80s 100ct pharmacy bottles as well as a bunch of bottles of 2mg xanax bars. he got them from this dressed up black woman in a gold 2 door acura, looked like the stereotype "i work at a law office during the day and deal in high power narcotics at night" kinda deal lol. anyways, this kid needed a ride somewhere and i was like ehhh you arent riding dirty, youre riding filthy. so he said "ill give you 5, these sell for 40$ a piece 25 to my friends) so i said ok wtf i had percs and vicodins and demerol before but never the fabled oxy 80s. took the kid to where he needed to go, gave me the five pills (worth mentioning i was already on the road to addiction.)

got home peeled the blue green skin and crushed and razored out what was about 20mgs. did that line and whoaaaa nelly. this is the shit!!! did oxys for the next few years till i met a pharmacy hook up, this married couple worked in a pharmacy and their boss was crooked, fudging inventory sheets ect ect, every week id get a 100ct bottle of oxy 20's, 100ct bottle of 2mg xanax, 100ct bottle of 2mg kpins and whatever else they had..i mean prefilled syringes of demerol and versed, morphine, liquid ativan, every benzo and painkiller known to man, fentanyl those THC pills it was insane. by this time i was 21 and had made bank off of these two, not nearly as much as they were making from everyone else, but they liked me bc we shared some mutual friends and cut me very generous price breaks.

the dude calls me on my 21st bday and is like come on by i got a surprise for you. 10 8mg dialaudids, 10 oxy 80s, a bottle of liquid oxycodone 20mgs per dripper and to top it all off, a 100mg vial of injectable morphine. he was like you want a shot? to which i said DO I?!?! he gave me 2 im shots and they were ok, nice and sedating, smoked some weed and called it a night. got a few extra insulin rigs from him so i could do it again tomorrow....but i thought, why dont i just try and IV it, so i got on BL read the injection guide and nailed it on my first shot(thanks you BL!). finished the morphine but then i remember i have a few 20's of incredible raw dope, so i said what the hell and shot it. and from then, i was hooked.the rush, the taste, everything about it was pure magic to say the least...i know it sounds like i am glamourizing it but thats the way it was for me. 21 sticking needles in my arm. i was doing dope before that when i couondt get oxy, i didnt try dope till i was 19 iirc

but the crowd i was with, my desire to get HIGH overpowered my rationality and it all fell apart, with in no time i was homeless, my closest friends were scared of me for lack of a better word. i was a mess. shooting every bit of money i could get my hands on. luckily i had a car and all my other heroin using friends didnt have my guys number, and believe me they tried bc this guy imo had the best dope in the city. he was 3rd generation smack family. his sister sold, his cousins sold, his father sold, they were majorily connected with a source that had dope so strong ive never even come close to having anything as strong these days. basically what i would do is get my friends money meet up with the dude and he could give me a good deal so i could get a couple bags out of it, and if there were more phat bags that i hadnt already claimed id pink a little to make them look like the rest, this worked for years untill my car got impounded. fast forward and im on methadone and am trying to rebuild my life one day at a time, as much as i hate that saying, its kinda true for me right now,
 
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My story is nothing out of the ordinary. Went from snorting on weekends, then to smoking, then every other day, then everyday then took the plunge to shooting. Been an iv addict for 4 years. Lost everything, a brand new Audi A6, accumulated almost $30k in student loans that are currently delinquent, lost the trust, support and respect of my family. The list goes on.

Anyway, what I think is more worth mentioning is how i got out of the cycle. I had just been rearested for noncompliance of a court ordered drug treatment program. I went back in the program and had an upcoming drug test. Failed the first two. Knew if i didnt pass they would tell the courts and another warrant would be issued. so i buckled down and went on methadone. I gave myself a five day window before the test, but i knew my system would be clear in three. I failed the first two days befause the cravings were so strong i gave in and used the first day on done. Second day i also used, but felt guilty because it didnt even feel worth it. Third day i knew i had no more room for fuck up and made it until i needed to take my test. And even though i couldve used after my test imethadone a try, you never know what may happen.didnt feel the need to.

Of course i still use on and off. But no where near like i used to. I see my court ordered rehab as a blessing because with out it i never wouldve gotten on methadone, for some reason i knocked it even having never tried it. I was one of those people who thought id be a junkie forever. So i guess it was fate i got on methadone and my junkie ways took an unexpected turn towards better. Im not completely clean, but am back to living a normal life and doing normal things, like having a bank acct w money in it and going to school. Give e
 
I started taking drugs and then at some point I started using them regularly, in high doses, and through intravenous administration?
 
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