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Mental Health Why have I become afraid of tripping.

Speed King

Speed King

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 7, 2014
Messages
6,074
Location
Orando, Florida
I am trying to figure out why I have beome afraid of tripping. I have become afraid of devine understanding, stopping for some pure rest,unsurity of health, or what. I feel like parts of me have calcified on the inside. Any decient replys welcome.
 
I have used most everything,but mainly the classics: marijuana, amphetamine, benzodiazepines, mdma,mushrooms, acid and opiates. I havn't super abused anything other than alcohol and Im done with that. The main point is I have experience. I have left a few minor things out. I just got off probation and rehab, so I guess were stating with weed or shrooms. I am seeing a psych doctor, and re- getting interested in real life. For the past year, I have been on probation and receiving chemotherapy for Hodgkins Lymphoma at the same time.It made me a pretty grounded state. I spent about 9 months in a really catatonic, empty , anxiety ridden state of mind. I've been off probation for two days and cancer free for 6 months.
 
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Maybe you're not interested in tripping or using drugs since you had a lot of stressful things happen in your life like battling and surviving cancer, going through probation and rehab, and everything else you posted about? I know people who have been through a lot of not so fun and stressful things and they either do not trip or use any drugs anymore, or just use them when they are in a good state of mind.

Have you talked to your psych doctor about how you worry about your health, and feel as though parts of your body inside have calcified?
 
I have not. Bluelight was the first place I felt comfortable opening up. I follow what your saying.
Definitely a lot of stress in life.
 
Tripping involves such complete surrender. Maybe because you have had to keep so much in control mentally to get through both rehab and cancer treatment such surrender of control may feel very threatening. My question to you is this: what goal would you have for tripping? Having a very clear intention of something that you want to heal or understand, being in a very safe setting and allowing the act of surrender itself to be part of the benefit would make everything less stressful. But if you are under a lot of stress and are just wanting to use recreationally I would listen to the inner voice that is guiding you to stay away from those altered states for the time being.
 
herbavore said:
Tripping involves such complete surrender. Maybe because you have had to keep so much in control mentally to get through both rehab and cancer treatment such surrender of control may feel very threatening. My question to you is this: what goal would you have for tripping? Having a very clear intention of something that you want to heal or understand, being in a very safe setting and allowing the act of surrender itself to be part of the benefit would make everything less stressful. But if you are under a lot of stress and are just wanting to use recreationally I would listen to the inner voice that is guiding you to stay away from those altered states for the time being.
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The surrender of control is a very big part of it. My current goal/reason for tripping is the growth I receive and becoming progressive with my life. I try to use various, mainly classical substances, as tools for growth. I agree whole heartedly with what you have said herbivore. I will work on the reasons for the degree of stressfulness in my life so as not to squander the gift of tripping in general.
 
Speed King said:
My current goal/reason for tripping is the growth I receive and becoming progressive with my life. I try to use various, mainly classical substances, as tools for growth. I agree whole heartedly with what you have said herbivore. I will work on the reasons for the degree of stressfulness in my life so as not to squander the gift of tripping in general.
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Maybe what you've experienced through your battle with cancer and other parts of your life has taught you something... but this something is currently at least partially obscured because you are afraid of what it means.

In the past, when you've tripped, you've taken from those experiences XYZ, and now you're wanting to do so again. But you're afraid to do it and you don't know why. Perhaps--deep down, and not fully integrated--you've already learned that XYZ isn't quite what you thought it was, or at least it doesn't apply to you in the same way anymore. You're not the same person as you were back then. Now you want to experience XYZ again. You are afraid of anesthetizing yourself from what you now know or else afraid of being disappointed in not getting what you feel you need out of the trip.

Of course tripping can both delude and enlighten; maybe you shouldn't force it. I suggest waiting until you just want to do it for the sake of celebrating being alive, without expectations of progress, and just see where it goes.
 
Listening said:
Maybe what you've experienced through your battle with cancer and other parts of your life has taught you something... but this something is currently at least partially obscured because you are afraid of what it means.In the past, when you've tripped, you've taken from those experiences XYZ, and now you're wanting to do so again. But you're afraid to do it and you don't know why. Perhaps--deep down, and not fully integrated--you've already learned that XYZ isn't quite what you thought it was, or at least it doesn't apply to you in the same way anymore. You're not the same person as you were back then. Now you want to experience XYZ again. You are afraid of anesthetizing yourself from what you now know or else afraid of being disappointed in not getting what you feel you need out of the trip.Of course tripping can both delude and enlighten; maybe you shouldn't force it. I suggest waiting until you just want to do it for the sake of celebrating being alive, without expectations of progress, and just see where it goes.
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I agree. I'm not sure how to respond, but this is starting to make sense now.
 
I realize now that I am way more interested in physical health. I'm not sure how many of the body load side effects that I sometimes get tripping are "just in my head" things I can blame on my buzz.
 
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