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Why does my brain seem to NEED drugs?

B

blackstorm

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 19, 2006
Messages
89
Hey,

I don't know what my problem is, but as soon as I wake up, I feel like I need something to alter my mind, be it alcohol or another drug.
Right now it is alcohol and has been for years, as soon as I awake, it is the first thing on my mind.

I have beat the physical addiction of alcohol many times, but not the mental addiction.

I would like to understand my mind a lot more and try stop it wanting something just to feel normal.
Without something, I feel like something is missing, I don't feel like I am normal, full, complete minded, not happy, can't have emotions like I should...I really can't explain it.

I know this is something very specific but I know a lot of people here have had even a few of my thoughts and that;s why we take any type of drug, to be happier.

My goal?
I want to be normal, a normal baseline for serotonin specifically, for life.

I don't know if this is the best place to post, but I thought a lot of other people might have a similar situation.
Please let me know of any other forums that can help if this isn't suited here.
 
blackstorm said:
Hey,

I don't know what my problem is, but as soon as I wake up, I feel like I need something to alter my mind, be it alcohol or another drug.
Right now it is alcohol and has been for years, as soon as I awake, it is the first thing on my mind.
Click to expand...

...

I would like to understand my mind a lot more and try stop it wanting something just to feel normal.
Without something, I feel like something is missing, I don't feel like I am normal, full, complete minded, not happy, can't have emotions like I should...I really can't explain it.
Click to expand...

I have felt exactly the same way as you for as long as I can remember. Sorry I cannot offer any advice. :(

A. <3
 
well it's clear that drugs fill a void for you, so if you don't use drugs you need to fill that void with something else.
 
drugs are a perfectly natural thing to desire. your experiences previously led to that desire. then if the world allows you to satiate that desire to some degree then there is perhaps withdrawel and pain in the transition but then you move onto something else or at least the drugs become less significant. seems to me by you asking the question you are approaching that point. where the drugs dont fill the hole like they used to. your desire leads you elsewhere to a career or a mountaintop or excessive posting on bluelight.
 
Obviously you like the world better through the eyes of a bottle,for whatever reason. You got to find out what that reason is. May it be depression,anxiety,maybe lonely. All i know is that you got to figure out what part of me dont i like and change that part.
 
I feel the same way as op, but in place of alcohol all the time I just smoke ganja... I just like being high, after I wake up during my drive, before I go to bed, I guess it's just a matter of building a habit of not being sober that leaves one here; I constantly feel a need to be on something if I'm sober for a day off everything...but I don't fiend if I can't get anything and I function quite well in society. My advice would be to drop the bottle and pick up the bong if you haven't already -not only are withdrawals next to non-existant in comparison to alcohol withdrawal, but you can drive *certainly more so than when drunk*, and function in society effectively while still getting out of a sober state of mind. I like to live by a saying - "Sobriety sounds like a lovely place, but I would never want to live there." with moderation of course lol
 
Hi everyone. I don't have an honest answer for you. I have been on something for almost 17 years now. When I was 12 I had my first "buzz"(other than pretending to smoke cigs with neighborhood kids) which was alcohol. By fifteen I was smoking weed constantly. Every since I have had some kind of infatuation with everything mind altering. Opiates are now my doc(not a certian type or pill but all kinds). I have seen numerous doctors and psychologist and none can pin point exactly what causes my infatuation. I feel it is almost scientific in nature for my self. I have kept a journal since I was 17 of every major drug experience since. (close to 600 pages of observations and naratrive based on my drug experience). I can live a rewarding fully functional life with out drugs but yet have chose not too.
 
Buddha_hotei_boy said:
Hi everyone. I don't have an honest answer for you. I have been on something for almost 17 years now. When I was 12 I had my first "buzz"(other than pretending to smoke cigs with neighborhood kids) which was alcohol. By fifteen I was smoking weed constantly. Every since I have had some kind of infatuation with everything mind altering. Opiates are now my doc(not a certian type or pill but all kinds). I have seen numerous doctors and psychologist and none can pin point exactly what causes my infatuation. I feel it is almost scientific in nature for my self. I have kept a journal since I was 17 of every major drug experience since. (close to 600 pages of observations and naratrive based on my drug experience). I can live a rewarding fully functional life with out drugs but yet have chose not too.
Click to expand...

Addiction happens.
 
My advice is to focus on hobbies and activities that aren't drug related.

Some of these for myself would include...

walking/jogging
hanging out with close friends (<3)
writing (non-fiction as well as fiction)
making music and consequentially selling it :D
collecting music
listening to a lot of music (I have 87 gigabytes of noise music alone)
playing video games like the Half Life series or Counter Strike
uploading videos of me having played Counter Strike maps to my youtube channel
...and a lot more that I won't get into now, since these examples work well for me.

:)
 
^ I second that advice. Op, do you have many friends that don't use? Even something like watching a movie with friends or family can help a lot. If you notice yourself sitting around dwelling on how badly you want to use try doing something you enjoy or calling a friend to talk.
BTW, is there anywhere I could listen to some of the recordings you've done Captain?
 
Most addicts were born/raised/grew up with some sort of inadequacy or "hole". Whether it be depression, anxiety, no coping skills, or socially awkward etc, drugs patched it over and turns us into normal people

I felt like a junkie before I knew what opiates were, always panicking and obsessive, needing to feel comforted by something constantly. Then I found heroin and I was a whole, normal, sane person for the first time in my life.... Until I got strung out.

All addicts, junkies, alcoholics, and heads share the feeling of having a vacancy inside that only their DOC can fill, and it does it so, so well. But we all learn in the end it just makes the problems bigger and you end up even more empty and inadequate than when you started
 
Great post Captain.Heroin :)

I don't want to get into smoking tbh..2 reasons, I can't afford it (Drinking is cheaper, unfortunately) and also, I don't like to smoke too much, I do smoke every now and again, it's just not for me.

Op, do you have many friends that don't use? Even something like watching a movie with friends or family can help a lot. If you notice yourself sitting around dwelling on how badly you want to use try doing something you enjoy or calling a friend to talk.
Click to expand...

Not really if I'm honest...I stopped going about with a lot of people because they have started on hard drugs and I don't want to get into that.
I do live with my girlfriend (She doesn't even drink)
I can get bored very easily if I don't have a drink or a drug in me..I hate feeling like this, but I just don't feel happy in life without something in me.

Sorry Captain, but what type of recordings are they? I am using a pay as you go dongle so can't download anything right now.

All addicts, junkies, alcoholics, and heads share the feeling of having a vacancy inside that only their DOC can fill, and it does it so, so well. But we all learn in the end it just makes the problems bigger and you end up even more empty and inadequate than when you started
Click to expand...

Unfortunately, so true :(
 
blackstorm said:
Great post Captain.Heroin :)

I don't want to get into smoking tbh..2 reasons, I can't afford it (Drinking is cheaper, unfortunately) and also, I don't like to smoke too much, I do smoke every now and again, it's just not for me.
Click to expand...
Definitely don't smoke tobacco, it is horrible for your health. I don't want to suggest that drinking is better by any means, but it's definitely good you don't want to get into smoking tobacco. :)

Sorry Captain, but what type of recordings are they? I am using a pay as you go dongle so can't download anything right now.
Click to expand...

I make noise music.

Have you ever tried streaming music off of a site like Sound Cloud?

I'm not sure what a "dongle" is.

DrinksWithEvil said:
captain heroin. message me. I want to see your cs videos
Click to expand...

I have, enjoy the counter strike video links I sent you. :)
 
You're an addict. That's part of the explanation. On the other hand, like others here said, there's a void you're trying to fill. I suffered from the same. I've been an addict for most parts of my life, but have been clean of all drugs since 2 years. It took a very long time to get over the addiction, but even when recovered, there's always this void you need to fill. I'm diagnosed with ADHD and I blame the disorder, some chemical imbalance that's always in need for a fix. I accepted that's the way I am and it will always be difficult to cope with but the longer you're clean the easier it is to say no. Still, the feeling will never go away.
 
I make noise music.
Click to expand...

I have never heard of that to be honest..

Have you ever tried streaming music off of a site like Sound Cloud?

I'm not sure what a "dongle" is.
Click to expand...

I used SC once but it was just to try some music a friend created.

A dongle is a USB stick to use for internet anywhere, it is pay as you go, so just like making a phone call and paying for data transfer :)
I work online so need to travel with my laptop so it is OK for that, really bad pricing though.

seems your head is bothering you...

AA?
Click to expand...

I did go to AA but I don't know..I just felt out of place really..Sometimes it goes on too long (2 hours) and I din't want to just get up and leave, quite a small place here.

pattn, were you addicted to alcohol or other drugs?

Thanks for the replies
 
Other drugs. Although I must say that I only was really addicted to cocaine. All the other times it was just pure abusive behavior; binging for days, weeks or even months. Just took what I could get my hands on.
 
It sounds simply as if you're addicted. If you quit all drugs you'll notice this 'need' disappearing slowly but surely. It takes some time but it really does get better, and soon enough you'll learn how to function on your own again. Of course there will still be many moments where you'll think wistfully back on your drug days, but I can assure you it really gets easier to deal with, and you eventually learn to appreciate new things in life.
It sounds as if you use drugs to self-medicate, like me. Therapy might be a really good way for you to try and discover/address the issues that made you turn to drugs in the first place. Good luck.
 
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