goo on ya my man, shits not easy
How you were raised as a kid has alot to do with your mental wellbeing as an adult. In fact, it can cause you to have Borderline Personality Disorder if its bad enough.
I have bipolar.... Its weird though aside from the fact that i have 5 siblings theres literally nothing to complain about my upbringing. I have to lovely parents and I love them both to bits, I reall dont know why im like this.
Bipolar disorder... I have 7 family members I live with though I shouldnt be lonely. I shouldnt feel like this man
I'm sorry to hear that, buddy. *pat on the back*
Which one are you going after? Personally i get more and more fed up with running away from this truth, grinding myself up, wasting energy by negating it or hunting quick-fixes that won't do shit in the long run. It's pointless. And by the way: Alcohol is a depressant! You'll dig your hole of suffering even deeper by going down this road. Listen to folks that have been there!
You probably learned that one can not depend on people? (Attachment theory.) I'm not the one who will talk you out of this; i learned this too when i was little. But on top of it, it's true, relationships (as everything else) are transitory. So clinging to others/relationships is just another bottemless bit of suffering. The irony is, this realization could make the basis for good friendship, i believe.
I appreciate your words. Don`t hate the player, hate the game. That`s a very good point, and believe me I hate the fucken game. Ive come to realize that living, is just being. If you cant just "Be" then you`re not living. I havent lived yet. I need to figure out how to just be. Just exist, without the constant stigmas that rattle around in my head about myself and everybody else. Its hard. Quite honestly, I dont know how people do it at all.I'm sorry to hear that, buddy. *pat on the back*
I too live solitary for way over a decade now, and it will probably stay that way for this life (cause of conditions i can not change). A situation my ego is not really equipped to accept. Having gone through all the relationship stuff earlier, doesn't make a difference whatsoever. I know this is not a popular view, but that is how i came to see it: My mind tells me e.g. a story how lonely i am and how dreadful that is; the second i believe it i actually am lonely. If i don't by into that, i'm not lonely it turns out, i'm just here. That's no theory, just observation. Chasing after all those external things, whether relationships, material stuff, experiences (mediated by drugs) and so on, will never satisfy all those imagined needs my egoic mind tells me i have to address in order to be 'happy' or whatever it is. This realization is a huge kick to the groin, figuratively speaking, to the degree that i/my ego is willing to do everything to deny it.
Don't hate the player, hate the game. A buddhist monk once said:
Which one are you going after? Personally i get more and more fed up with running away from this truth, grinding myself up, wasting energy by negating it or hunting quick-fixes that won't do shit in the long run. It's pointless. And by the way: Alcohol is a depressant! You'll dig your hole of suffering even deeper by going down this road. Listen to folks that have been there!
You probably learned that one can not depend on people? (Attachment theory.) I'm not the one who will talk you out of this; i learned this too when i was little. But on top of it, it's true, relationships (as everything else) are transitory. So clinging to others/relationships is just another bottemless bit of suffering. The irony is, this realization could make the basis for good friendship, i believe.
It just seems like you either get two lives to live on this planet. A clear mind, with no underlying mental problems (nothing but blue skies and fucken rainbows), or you`re fucked. Like me. Like many, many people on BL. It just seems as though whichever life you get, thats what you get. No changing that. Thats not to say you cant have mental problems and be successful, but when your mental problem makes you hate yourself and everything else, whats the point?
