Why do I hate being sober?

[DroneLore]

I am embarking on sobriety for an indefinite amount of time. I fought the law, it's not over yet but it looks like the law is winning. I smoked weed multiple times a day, every day, unless I was away from the people I could get it from. And I was basically trying to get addicted to heroin, unfortunately the fucking police got to me first.

I never even drank a beer until I turned 17. That's 17 years of straight sobriety. During those 17 years I developed OCD and often had suicidal thoughts. Then I started smoking weed and pretty much fell in love. I would fuck around with opiates whenever I got a chance (and also experiment with basically whatever I could get my hands on), but never had very easy access to them.

I don't even like drinking that much, but I was seriously considering substituting my illicit drug use with alcohol. But I do think that's a very bad idea. It's like, I don't really care what drug I'm on (except psychedelics, don't want to take them when I'm in a bad headspace), as long as I'm not sober.

Does anyone else feel this way?

 

[psychohedonist]

I felt that way for a very long time. I was covering up a lot of pain, the booze, then the drugs, were ways of masking the pain - although often made it worse. I guess when sober, whatever it is that hurts seeps up from inside you.

Sometimes it can take a long time to get to the source of those feelings, and you have to be ready - whether that's through therapy, personal exploration, finding a mentor or program, or some other way.

Best of luck to you.

 

[Trate]

I think we get such an overwhelming sense of comfort when we first properly immerse ourselves in our drugs of choice, not all of that is bad; but I've found the difficult part about it is that once reliant on something, especially for an extended period of time.. we tend to forget how we used to handle problems without the 'extra help'.

Depending on how young you start, you can tend to get heavily addicted to something before you've even had a chance to properly analyse why you need the chemical aid in the first place. I know for myself, once I had realised the extent of my drug usage, I knew that I was using them to block my internal turmoil out, but it wasn't until years later when I dug deeper and sourced the real root of my problems, that everything started to unwind.

Realising that I'd never properly grown up, one of the hardest things was deciding when and how to try and build myself up into a whole person again.

Trust me when I say that you're not alone, many people on this forum are in exactly the same position, myself included.

Good luck to you, hopefully BL can be as big of a help to you as it has been to me.