Why do I crave to use and how can I help suppress the crave

[manboychef]

I agree with both you guys. Like i said in my post, the earlier the better or youll end up like me. Im 40 and i started early but back in my day it was 40's and joints so i can imagine having an opiate habit in my teens. When i was in rehab last year there were 2 dudes. One was 17 and one was 18. They both just got out of jail and were doing their mandatory rehab then back to jail. I felt terrible for them. Both were banging opiates. I took a liking to one of them. The other was a punk and prob gonna stay in jail his whole life but one was really scared and i shared my experience with him and my advice was same as now to OP. Pray, meditate, get a counceler or go to meetings or whatever it takes to get and stay clean. Once you wait to my age its tough bc drinking or using has been my coping mechanisim my whole life so it makes it really tough to succeed. I have many unfinished projects too. Ive been in 2 bands and got kicked out of both for being messed up now im trying to write my own stuff and play my guitar but its hard to pick up where i left off. I think having a hobby is important. Good distraction. I had a horribly vivid using dream last night and it was so bad its gonna take all my resources to stay clean today. My "cravings" are thru the roof. Im physically shaking and trembling cause i want it so bad. If i had gotten straight in my teens i would be a totally different 40 yr old. Goid advice on this thread. Yall please wish me luck today cause its gonna be tough. I wish you luck!!

sorry bout the double post...Hey how did you do that day? Did you make it even though it may have been a struggle? For me its not the really hard days I chalk up as being a major win, but the days that everything is going right and I get complacent in my recovery, and my mind starts thinking, "you know, I am doing so well...I could probably stop at one." But we all know how that ends up.

 

[closeau]

Hey Chef. Thanks for asking. I made it thru alright but came close a couple of times. I completly agree with you on the good days. I know for me sometimes ill come home from a meeting and be realky feeling good and cocky and think, well im doing real good, take an extra Dilaudid. So those are the tests, you nailed it. I am without a car for awhile so my meetings have dropped but im still practicing the core of the program on this site. Im talking to others afflicted with addiction. I have cravings every day. Some are just thoughts and some are full on assaults on me. Ive been using prayer lately. I used to be an atheist, then agnostic in recovery and have always felt weird about praying but sinnce my mom died, ive really relied on it. All it would take isca search of my posts to find out a nasty habit i had around her passing. I stopped and thru prayer and help on this site and meetings ivstayed stopped but i crave that shit everyday. Its said in AA that its a physical allergy coupled with a mental obsession. I believe this. My obsession to drink has been lifted cause after theyvremoved my colon i prayed a lot in hospital to free me from alcohol. Havent had a craving since but im just an addicted minded person so i knew what i did was like stepping in dogshit but i was so distraught i didnt care. I cant abuse anything or it will spark the obsession and cravings. It says in book its every addicted persons dream to use socially in moderation. That idea left me long ago but like ivwas telling OP, im 40 and still struggle. I think Robin Williams is a perfect example. Clean and sober for 20 yrs then BAM, right back to it so for me its a lifelong struggle. Good days, bad days, everyday. Im in recovery but in also on 3 controlled substances so i take them right, no problem but sometimes its hard cause all i gotta do is walk to my kitchen and could get high if i desired. I really have a legitimate need for these meds so i dont wanna screw things up, you know? Anyway, this got long. Thanks for asking Chef. It really means a lot and helps me to know i do have people who care out here. Everything you post i agree with. One minute at a time bro!!

 

[manboychef]

I too am pushing forward. In spite of things that are sad, I am choosing to think of things that give me hope. I know I am setting myself up for failure, but I am maintaining an expectation that I will get to talk to my son on christmas. I know his presents I sent won't be there till the 29th, but I sent him a letter that means a lot to me. I am hoping (against the odds) that my ex will actually open it up and read it to him. He is six...and he has not been around me for a long time so I am trying to slowly teach him about my side of the family...our stories, our traditions. I guess I shouldn't look at it as failure. The only failure would be if I did not try. Wish me luck!

also, in spite of the things my ex has done, and the fact she has further alienated/estranged me from my son...I sent her a gift and a card as well. I mean its a gift card to JcPenny's but it is something to let her know that regardless of how she treated me, and regardless of what she is doing...I recognize that she is the mother of my child, which will never change, and that she gave me the greatest gift of all...my beautiful son. I need only be patient because someday he will want to know me and this side of the family...I hope before its too late and many of the people that love him (his great granny, his great aunt volie) pass on because they both have a wealth of love, kindness, and stories that will help him grow into a good man.

 

[closeau]

First of all chef, good job for hanging in there. Maybe its not exact same situation but i too have a child who i dont see often and havent seen in 14 months. Shes 9 and considering when she was 2 months old i was wisked away to rehab ive seen a lot of her. Im in NC and shes in Wyoming so a long way. She usually comes here in the sumner to visit but couldnt this year bc of my surgery and long hospital stay. So i know its hard bro. Doesnt matter when your stuff gets there you sent stuff and thats the most important.

Now on the ex thing i can relate. Her mom is a constant pain in my ass. I know she talks me down and last time my daughter was here we had a talk and she said, daddy, mommy already told me she left you cause you were a drunk. Took me off guard, lol. She doesnt work and has been good last few months but always needs "help" beyong my child support payment. Lately i just havent had it and we dont fight anymore but shes not one of my favorite people i can tell you that. But, she is the mother of my cild so i always get her a gift card too. I really try. I think my daughter should live with me andvshe may soon but she wouldnt want that now just bc she gets benefits from the state. I know that sounds terrible but its true. Everytime we talk she says she filling out applications but never gets a job. Shes 32 now and i think shes gotten used to sitting around and collecting the help. So our situations are different but simular enough to relatevto what youre going thru. Shit, theres tons of family there with her but 90% of the xmas gifts they get will be from my side of family. I cant fly to go see her cause of my ostomy bag but my cousin is goingbto get her Jun 6th and she will be here all summer so i got that. Shes sad my mom died. Her Grammy was her favorite but its cool. Anyway man, i kinda can relate to what youre going thru. You did the right thing and your son will know all about your familys side. Just takes time and patience. Our children will turn out fine cause they have good daddys like us. Hang tough bro

 

[What was it?]

Ok so let me start with alittle background I have used off and on with oxy for awhile and then at one point I used pretty heavily for about 2 months I snorted around 105mgs a day for 2 months and then I quit cold turkey and I was doing fine no withdrawal suprisingly exept for the want for it and I figured that would pass and it would go away but it hasn't it's bin 2 months sence I quit I did use once 5 weeks ago but idk I didn't count that even tho I should anyways the only problem I have bin having is I am always craving a high either with amphetamines or my oxy and I can't get ahold of them anymore because I'm out and I no longer have a source and I'm dieing from the crave I got to the point of me stealing pills from my grandparents and they where acedamediphene and Hydrocodone and so to get high off them I was oding highly on the acedamediphene and it was hurtin me so I didn't do it more then once and idk why am I still craving this how can I get rid of this crave or suppress it pls help its eating me up and I have not bin able to focus much because I keep craving my high pls any advice would be greatly appreciated

You're mostly still in early opiate addiction and from my experience it's a train that gathers pace and speeds up. I hope this is not the case. I remember my cravings being much worse in the first 2 years of use compared to the last 3. So I feel for you. It'd be tough. My advice to you, take it from somebody who has been to rock bottom based on opiates. I don't even consider myself to have a particularly addictive personality but opiates will get almost anybody in the end. Stop while you are still ahead. Opiate addiction is a metabolic disease which affects a whole range of hormones, the HPA axis and of course the endogenous opioid system within your body. It totally changes you man. Take anything else if you are not done with drugs but keep your fingers off opiates. It will wreck your life and steal your soul. Opioid çhipping'basically doesn't exist for most people and those who do manage often do it with much agony/cravings.

 

[justtakethat]

You're mostly still in early opiate addiction and from my experience it's a train that gathers pace and speeds up. I hope this is not the case. I remember my cravings being much worse in the first 2 years of use compared to the last 3. So I feel for you. It'd be tough. My advice to you, take it from somebody who has been to rock bottom based on opiates. I don't even consider myself to have a particularly addictive personality but opiates will get almost anybody in the end. Stop while you are still ahead. Opiate addiction is a metabolic disease which affects a whole range of hormones, the HPA axis and of course the endogenous opioid system within your body. It totally changes you man. Take anything else if you are not done with drugs but keep your fingers off opiates. It will wreck your life and steal your soul. Opioid çhipping'basically doesn't exist for most people and those who do manage often do it with much agony/cravings.

It works just fine if you realize that its not real happiness and you dont wanna be feeling fake euphoria all the time. Also you take into consideration that if you get addicted withdrawls are hell.

 

[manboychef]

Yeah there is no chipping. Either your on or your off.

 

[What was it?]

Lyrica, dexamphetamine and benzos help me with the cravings but the latter 2 are only a short-term solution. I have been on Lyrica and quit it once - not as difficult as some forums suggest but hey, everybody's experience is different. There is also some research into baclofen helping with cravings. If you know a good and open doctor (I know, they are rare) you can talk to him/her about these or possibly other options. Personally, I don't like the idea of maintenance unless coming off a massive IV habit. This is just an opinion, not medical advice. Always consult a doctor first before taking anything!

 

[manboychef]

your habit is small enough that all you are searching for is a the feeling of wellbeing that opiates cause.

I suggest you seek it in actually living your life.

 

[Erikmen]

I agree with both you guys. Like i said in my post, the earlier the better or youll end up like me. Im 40 and i started early but back in my day it was 40's and joints so i can imagine having an opiate habit in my teens. When i was in rehab last year there were 2 dudes. One was 17 and one was 18. They both just got out of jail and were doing their mandatory rehab then back to jail. I felt terrible for them. Both were banging opiates. I took a liking to one of them. The other was a punk and prob gonna stay in jail his whole life but one was really scared and i shared my experience with him and my advice was same as now to OP. Pray, meditate, get a counceler or go to meetings or whatever it takes to get and stay clean. Once you wait to my age its tough bc drinking or using has been my coping mechanisim my whole life so it makes it really tough to succeed. I have many unfinished projects too. Ive been in 2 bands and got kicked out of both for being messed up now im trying to write my own stuff and play my guitar but its hard to pick up where i left off. I think having a hobby is important. Good distraction. I had a horribly vivid using dream last night and it was so bad its gonna take all my resources to stay clean today. My "cravings" are thru the roof. Im physically shaking and trembling cause i want it so bad. If i had gotten straight in my teens i would be a totally different 40 yr old. Goid advice on this thread. Yall please wish me luck today cause its gonna be tough. I wish you luck!!

I can relate to this as I have also started soon and also because I've lost so many years.
Some of the experiences I have to go through now only shows me that it would have been great if I had not waited for so long.

Fortunately or not, I was on Methadone for almost 8 years and have come close to having a 'normal' life except that I still felt numb. I felt I wasn't really living my life like I should have.

It's pretty harsh to be addicted when you are young even harder when you are on your 40's IMO/E.
I have started this year sober and I believe I have already gone through the worst in terms of physical and emotional distress.

I strongly advise OP not to continue using opiates at this age. I know this is something you hear all the time but think of how much life you are missing and that's precisely when you still growing - not only physically but mentally. That's something you should consider before going any further.

It's easier to stop when you are young. You'll get a lot of support. I'm sure this can totally change your future. Think about it!

Good luck!
Erik

 

[manboychef]

dude there are so many people rooting for you OP.....if you need to talk. Keep on posting. Remember the past is history, the future a mystery...all you really have is today.