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Why do I always do this? Damn opiates..

X

xui

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 5, 2006
Messages
94
I had a supply for two days.

Did 'em both tonight.

Fucking dumbass me, I get to scrape my spoon tomorrow and try to get whats left so I don't end up sick.

we got winter storms and we're gonna be snowed in, too..


so I write..

A needle which pulls not a string
clearly connects not a thing.
It creates holes which meet,
like old friends they greet
your arms 'til they look like the sky.

And push you do soft, with your thumb.
The gradient of blood does become
your dinner for one, red like summer sun,
enlightened: the sum of your journey.

Wretched muscles who play twitch and bite,
deem me sole guard of the night.
The toilet: the treasure, the vomit I measure
comes birthed from my stomach; delight.

Neither prose nor emotion explain
the joy of my substance obtained,
hedonistic pleasure and nihilistic treasure;
the me and the now are what's great.
Click to expand...
 
Thank you..

It didn't take very long, maybe ten or fifteen minutes. usually just think of some cool phrase in my head and start building on that.

I had barely enough to keep me from being sick today.. I don't want to start thinking about tomorrow. fuck!
 
I know all to well how it is mate..
You go and buy a stock with the idea to make it last a couple of days but you can't restrain yourself, lacking selfcontrol so you use way to much and
mumble the words "its alright, i'll get cash tomorrow somehow" in your head.
Live for the day... live for the day.
 
I think any opiate addict has been in this situation before. I couldn't count the times I made the same "mistake". It took a couple years for me to realize the mistake wasn't the using up my stash in one night, but using at all.

I like the poem too, I write some poetry from time to time. If I'm fucked up, depressed, or just have a lot on my mind.
 
I hear ya on that... Not opiates lately, but I used up my adderall supply way too quick and going through mild withdrawals now (but horrible mental instability). Maybe you can give your opiates to a friend who will dole out enough to help you taper...
 
I managed to get ahold of a 40 and an 80 earlier. I don't get high off of them, it just settles my wds you know? I feel a tiny rush but it's nothing as good as doing my norm (160+)..

So the 40 made me feel great and I'll save the 80 tomorrow for sure this time, 'cause I'm fucked up on some benzos and fine herb and of course my oxy-baby

peace
 
I love happy endings.

Why do people even like opiates if you don't even feel them?

I for one would be like "Whats the fucking point?"
 
I am in the same boat as you.

My boyfriend and I blew through 120+ OxyIR 30mgs in 7 days.
Supposed to last us a month.

I'm a fucking smart girl- I can't believe I'm an addict now.
I told/tell myself every day that I'll stop.
But I never do.

Ughhhhhh. I hate it.

I hope you feel better though, =[
Take lots of hot baths and nap.
Get some Immodium if you can.
 
Every junkie does that man. It's so hard to maintain self control, especially when you think that next shot may be the one that sends you into nodland.

It never is though. I was all excited because I had my check from work and bought 6 fat packs of quality dope thinking I could catch a nod. Not even close. Long story short I blew over 300+ dollars on dope in about 3 days and didn't catch a nod once. I don't know why I even do this shit anymore, it's just getting DUMB now.

I'm glad I have my suboxone script. The asshole doctor only gave me 7 pills but thats enough to get through the sickness. One 8mg pill bootybumped will last me like 3 days.
 
that poem is quite nice. it triggered nasty cravings for a few secs though, heh. i'm at 4 weeks clean from that junk, minus a brief messup a week ago.

its better on the other side. the nasty detox journey is worth it.
 
man I feel for you, and I totally know where youre at loving the drug but hating what it causes... but youll have to realize that all youll get is well eventually... why not stop now while you still can... after 6 years of using i realized its better to quit while youre ahead then to stop while being left behind... get some subbys and detox.
 
Idk, I get low and say I'm going to save the pills for a rainy day. Just so happens that the next day is that rainy day...
 
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8ft-Sativa said:
I love happy endings.

Why do people even like opiates if you don't even feel them?

I for one would be like "Whats the fucking point?"
Click to expand...

Even in cases of pain, not feeling them is better than not having them. Perhaps a different story in my case though as I've gone bankrupt on recreational oxy rather than dope even though I had a much better source for tar than oxy as I still maintain refusing to shoot up. The few times I did H was smoked sniffed (sounds much nicer than snorted and less self-deluding than insulfated) or 'plugged' via a teeth whitening 'needle' that yes gives an incredible rush that beats oxy sniffed easy (unless I sniff enough oxy to "burn a hole" in my tongue).

Once you own up to a doc to overusing prescribed painkillers and they fuck with you later down the road for no apparent reason, however, I see how slippery a slope it can be. I have been desperate enough due to pain that I would IV even H if I could at times but now no easy H supply so I don't look for one. I'd inevitably end up in trouble.
 
Step 1: grasp bootstraps with thumb and index finger.

Step 2: Pull self up firmly and deliberately in an upward motion.

Step 3: carry on with no sniveling

I have a friend that is a hardcore H addict. We spend a great deal of time together and the other day he was dopesick with no money and none to come in the near future. I was broke myself (or so I thought) therefore I could not help the poor bastard. We both needed some smokes so I called my banks 1-800 number to see if I had enough to get us both a pack. When the balance came over the line, to my delight there was $400 in there! I had forgot about my holiday pay that went into my account direct deposit. LOL, there my friend lay in a puddle of his own sweat unable to get out of bed and when he would he moved slow groaning looking at the floor. What I found interesting was how fast he snapped out of it when I informed him that I was about to buy us both a couple of stamp bags each. :/ He was up and dressed in no time at all moving quickly and grinning from ear to ear and was fine the whole way to the bank and to the dope mans apartment. He was fine on the way back home but just a little bit anxious.

:/I just found that to be interesting how he was no longer dopesick simply from the notion that we were about to score.:/
 
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Xui, a post like this would be awesome in the Words forum.

Great poem :)
 
A needle which pulls not a string
clearly connects not a thing.
It creates holes which meet,
like old friends they greet
your arms 'til they look like the sky.
Click to expand...

Wow, I love that.

Hope all's going well for you, xui.
 
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