Why do gay/bi people NEED to come out?

[essex boy]

what anybody`s sexual orientation is i consider to be none of mine or anybody elses business.

the only thing i object to is people standing on the platform of sexuality to say they have rights. get fucked.

 

[SmC]

i still dont see why it matters if your friends, or anyone with whom its irrelevant, for that matter know about your sexual orientation.

QUOTE]

Because for example, my mates are always chatting up girls in pubs, and i'm not so comfortable with doing that due to me being gay and all, and unless I say something it'll seem a bit weird me not being sheep and doing the samething.

As I said before, it's a great feeling of relief when you find someone you can trust and be supportive towards you. It's hard for you to understand because you're straight, and you are obviously and never going to understand the struggle gay people still face. Think about that for a while and 'coming out' might make a bit more sense. It's largely to do with religion preaching that it's wrong all the time and nothing should ever change from the tradional ways, this is where the hate starts at, but times are changing, thankfully.

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

I dunno. It's such a personal thing really; and people deal with their sexual awakening in very personal and individual ways.

For me, I've never had to formally "come out" because it becomes blatantly obvious when I'm at parties and whatnot with my friends and then it's casually mentioned that I'm bi... but it's not a big deal. I only come on to people who I'm pretty damn sure are open to it, and even then I've had a few surprises but taken it in my stride.

I'm not (by any means) attracted to just ANY girl and I wouldn't want that to define my female relationships, so I don't make an issue of it.

I guess I don't know what it's like to have the huge thing of stating your actual sexual preferance to your family... I'd be mortified in actual fact to have to say that to my mum and dad, if in fact I had a girlfriend in proper.... I suppose I'd deal with that if it came up though it's not likely to given I'm just about to be married (to a man, yes )

I think I fall in the camp of cautionary discretion, although I understand the need some feel to burst forth with their revelation about themselves... I actually do think in those cases the people you love take it better than you think they will.

 

[Raz]

uhh dude you spelled precursor wrong

oops. *aheh*

thanks dude, all fixed...move along, nothing to see here...

 

[QuestionEverything]

what anybody`s sexual orientation is i consider to be none of mine or anybody elses business.

the only thing i object to is people standing on the platform of sexuality to say they have rights. get fucked.

What exactly do you mean by that?

 

[Tokey-tokerson]

I think he means no one deserves special treatment for whatever their sexuality is. I agree.

 

[tribal girl]

^I think he means gay people shouldn't have rights

 

[wesmdow]

no more rights than anyone else.. thats for sure..

i think thats what he meant, too...

 

[wesmdow]

Because for example, my mates are always chatting up girls in pubs, and i'm not so comfortable with doing that due to me being gay and all, and unless I say something it'll seem a bit weird me not being sheep and doing the samething.

i dunno man.. im straight, and i ABSOLUTELY hate being out in public when my more.... 'manly' friends start to go out and hit on girls.... its just not ME to do that....

so i suppose i see where youre coming from, but then again, since i learned to avoid situations like that myself (and im straight), i dont really see it as that big an obstacle to those who arent..

i mean, if you dont wanna deal with heterosexual interaction.. not to be rude, but TOUGH SHIT. most people are straight, its unavoidable--sex sells and most people are straight. its also not their fault, as raz pointed out earlier, so any sort of resentment towards straight people bothers me.

also, im mistaken for gay ALL THE FUCKING TIME. im very effeminate and set off most people's "gaydar." ive been hit on by more men than women in my life... so while im not actually GAY, im often treated that way, and being fresh out of high school (where it matters a LOT, socially), i DO know the burn of being discriminated against for being gay. the only thing that really PROVES to people that im not is when i have my girl around me.... (and even then i could be faking!)

^in fact, my experiences in high school may be why i think publically coming out is such a bad idea... i mean shiiiiit, based on the way i was treated because people ASSUMED i was gay... id HATE for them to KNOW it!!!

 

[kittyinthedark]

I'll have to go along with the most of the posts here and say that it's more of a personal thing mixed in with a little "correcting the default setting." Since most people are straight, most people assume that any given person is straight. So it only makes sense that you might have to let people know that you're not. I'm bi, but I've only ever really "dated" guys, so I have found it in my best interest to tell those around me that I'm not "just straight" - that way they can hook me up with their sexy lesbo friends! :D And also there's the personal component of knowing that you're not hiding anything about yourself. It sucks when you have to conceal who you are. My parents don't know I'm bi, and unless I marry a woman, I don't intend for them to ever know. It would not be a pleasant conversation, to say the least. They're of that kind that doesn't have a problem with homosexuality when it's other people... dot dot dot...

 

[QuestionEverything]

Special treatment - no - they shouldn't. Nobody should get special treatment over anyone else.

Equal rights - yes - they should. As it is right now they simply don't have them.

I took the post to mean that they shouldn't be asking for 'marriage', which is why I asked. I'm not about to start a war about the topic - it's been done.

I could be wrong but all any homosexual is asking for as far as rights go is equality, not special treatment. If I am wrong please correct me.

 

[QuestionEverything]

i dunno man.. im straight, and i ABSOLUTELY hate being out in public when my more.... 'manly' friends start to go out and hit on girls.... its just not ME to do that....

so i suppose i see where youre coming from, but then again, since i learned to avoid situations like that myself (and im straight), i dont really see it as that big an obstacle to those who arent..

i mean, if you dont wanna deal with heterosexual interaction.. not to be rude, but TOUGH SHIT. most people are straight, its unavoidable--sex sells and most people are straight. its also not their fault, as raz pointed out earlier, so any sort of resentment towards straight people bothers me.

also, im mistaken for gay ALL THE FUCKING TIME. im very effeminate and set off most people's "gaydar." ive been hit on by more men than women in my life... so while im not actually GAY, im often treated that way, and being fresh out of high school (where it matters a LOT, socially), i DO know the burn of being discriminated against for being gay. the only thing that really PROVES to people that im not is when i have my girl around me.... (and even then i could be faking!)

^in fact, my experiences in high school may be why i think publically coming out is such a bad idea... i mean shiiiiit, based on the way i was treated because people ASSUMED i was gay... id HATE for them to KNOW it!!!

And the same should go for someone who doesn't want to deal with homosexual interaction. If you don't see it that way it's quite a double standard.

Your experience is different than that of someone who actually is gay. You're not so it bothers you - that's understandable. They ARE gay and feel like they have to hide it which is the problem. You're being critisized for something you aren't - they're being discriminated against for something that they are.

Sex does sell - but the double standard needs to go. The majority of people may be straight, but there are a lot who aren't.

 

[essex boy]

What exactly do you mean by that?

let me clarify a few things...
i have gay freinds. i probably wouldnt have known a couple of them were unless for the uneducated few who make a novelty out of the situation. a la the "mardi gras". hollywood is a great example. i dont view them as any differant to anyone else.

the thing i dont get is why people HAVE to know. for example, there might be someone who fits the stereotype, and people have to ask the question. w.t.f ? a person at work asked me the other day "is darren gay ?" i returned with "what ?, thats extremly rude, not only is it none of anybody`s business, but why do you need to know ?"

you could say im in to another type of sexual orientation, but it sure doesnt "just happened to get mentioned" in conversation and i sure as hell woudnt wear it like a badge.

to me, your sexuality should be held as sacred.

so, i cant work out why so many of them spend most of there lives "in the closet", some wear it like a badge of honour, and some even use it as a lever for whatever they are trying to gain.

as far as rights are concerned, here is my take on it...

the only people who really and truly have rights in this world are children. once you turn 18 or 21 or whatever the law in your neck of the woods states, you relinquish your rights for responsiblities.

so, what im saying is, are you upholding your responsibilities ? or are you spending, or wasting is more to the point, your time using your sexuality as a platform for your (perceived) rights ?

cos i tell you, ill NEVER listen to that. for one there are a million other more important things in this world to worry about than someone bleating on about "homosexual rights, not heterosexual priveliges".

and if someone can explain to me what rights they (homosexuals)dont have. im not aware of one.

 

[Gavin83]

Special treatment - no - they shouldn't. Nobody should get special treatment over anyone else.

Equal rights - yes - they should. As it is right now they simply don't have them.

I took the post to mean that they shouldn't be asking for 'marriage', which is why I asked. I'm not about to start a war about the topic - it's been done.

I could be wrong but all any homosexual is asking for as far as rights go is equality, not special treatment. If I am wrong please correct me.

I agree that currently hetrosexual's have far more right's than homosexual's and it simply shouldn't be this way.

However, and I don't mind how flamed I get for this, but I don't think homosexuals should be allowed to marry. I agree with some sort of ceremony and for the couple to be given the same legal rights as a married couple, but for actual marriage I disagree. My logic is that marriage is primarily a religious celebration and primarily we have the respect the religions respects in this regard. Since the Christian faith is anti gay I don't think it's fair to rub it in their faces. It's a touchy issue but at the end of the day someone has to be oppressed, and in this case I think it should be the homosexual party. I do think something should be available though for a gay couple to show their partnership, and as I previously said get the same basic human rights as a married couple.

For the purposes of this argument I'm not religious in anyway.

 

[essex boy]

if they want to marry, well... thats thee business.

but as far as "acquiring" children. no fucking way.

and before you screaming lefto`s jump on the homophobe bandwagon, ill tell you this.

enoch powell once said there would be blood on the streets if we went multicultural.
thirty years later he was right. but he got lambasted for being racsist.

gays rasing children will produce the same result for many a reason.

 

[Gavin83]

It's an interesting theory but I'm not totally sure I agree with it. While it could in theory be true, we are essentially denying the development of human society because a core group can't accept the change and I just don't think that's right. As bad as it is to say, I think that's worth spilling a little blood over.

Add to the fact that denying a homosexual couple the right to be parents is just wrong. Who's right is it to say that a homosexual couple can't raise a child as well as a hetrosexual one?

 

[Tokey-tokerson]

Can't gay people already marry?

 

[Tokey-tokerson]

if they want to marry, well... thats thee business.

but as far as "acquiring" children. no fucking way.

and before you screaming lefto`s jump on the homophobe bandwagon, ill tell you this.

enoch powell once said there would be blood on the streets if we went multicultural.
thirty years later he was right. but he got lambasted for being racsist.

gays rasing children will produce the same result for many a reason.

Dude there was blood poring long before intergration. I don't want to get mad, because the rest of your post just looks like trolling.

Why don't you tell us why they wouldn't make good parents?

 

[essex boy]

yeah. fight for what you beleive in. i beleive in children. you believe you have "rights" just because you take part in an alternative sexuality.

well, ok. ill start writing to the minister for human rights to explain to him why i should have the "right" to whatever cos im in to b/d.

ha.

its crazy to think that a small minority of people who cant even produce children themselves, think that they have the right to bestow all that bigotry and homophobia as has just been stated and bestowing and alternative sexuality on a child.that is para paedophilia.
fuck, kids are already confused enough these days, they dont need to be open to any sexuality that young. just cos they see it on t.v. doesnt mean we should let hollywood dictate how we raise our children.

why would you want to do that ? and to the point, what the fuck do you think gives you the "right" to do that ?

then they come up with the argument "oooh, ooohh, but hetero couples fight and abuse thier children".

not only is that argument null and void, its as baseless as it is offensive to say that not only are all hetero couples fallible, but that the institution of marriage (which they want to be a part of) is also.

talk about shoot yourself in the foot.

as far as "out and proud" goes, there is where the shame comes from.

you should never equate pride with sexuality. thats why people wont respect your cause.

 

[essex boy]

Dude there was blood poring long before intergration. I don't want to get mad, because the rest of your post just looks like trolling.

Why don't you tell us why they wouldn't make good parents?

see, this is wear your going wrong. you think you should have all these rights, but if someone opposses you, well, they are trolling ?

bottom line is, no one has the right to impose any form of sexuality on anyone. let alone children. if that is "progressing"society, your fucking kidding yourself.

as far as making good parents goes, it doesnt matter what "kind"of person you are, it comes down to something a simple as this...

try to build a house with all female, or all male joints and it will quickly fall down.

yin/yang. the way we are made. need to simplify it any more ?

saying that you have rights before children is... well, simply fucked.