With Adderall, I was chasing euphoria at times, but it became deeper than that. I convinced myself it had become my identity. I convinced myself it was the only way I could maintain my relationship. The drug lies to you. It was a vicious cycle. I would get my script, feel like life is good and right again for maybe a day or two, then this intense guilt and self-hatred set in. I knew it was backfiring and changing my personality for the worst. Then comes the irritability, isolation and being completely disconnected from the world even while on it. At first, Adderall is the best ever.
I broke free though because I couldn't stand turning into a person I didn't want to be, all angry and guilty because I was still using and knew it wasn't working anymore.
I'm just grateful I decided to cancel scripts BEFORE I broke up with my boyfriend. If I had broken up with him while using, it would have kept the vicious cycle going. When you break up, you feel the drugs are all you have left. Deciding to quit before a break up, could have saved my life. Of course it wasn't planned that way, it just happened thank God.
Once you realize the drug isn't working or that your use has gotten out of control, it's best to quit while you're ahead before you end up with psychosis, in a hospital or dead.
I have ADHD, major depression and anxiety so it was a legit reason to take it, but addiction sneaks up on a majority of people. It fools you into thinking you still have control over it somehow until you get completely honest and realize you don't.