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Why are men typically older in relationships?

MsDiz said:
Because young men are immature. When I was 20 I’d never have even considered dating someone’s my age because men/boys at 20 still act like they are 15.Boys take much longer to mature in relation to girls. Sorry but that’s what I’ve always found to be the case. I have never dated a guy younger than me ever.
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Hey! Thats offensive. Us Older guys can be immature too!
 
"She a nymfo, I wanna fuck baby lemme get ya info, lemme know what you wanna get yourself into, yeah I KNOW THAT YOU GOT SOME DADDY ISSUES"
 
Yep... maturity is definitely a factor. I think also men and women are attracted to different characteristics. A lot of women like scars, experience and gristled weathering, and "good dad" features that are absent in men their own age most of the time; whereas men like softness, prettiness, and are probably hardwired into being attracted to someone we want to impregnate to some extent. Were just another species of animal at the end of the day.
 
i don't know if men staying sexually active longer is the right way to put it, but i hear men's semen tends to work longer than a women will keep her eggs working. like robert dinero supposedly just had a kid with a younger lady and he is almost 80... also like people said in this post older men tend to have money to spend on younger girls.

thinking of history, i heard that back before the 1900's like in the 1800's and before older men would marry girls right when they got into puberty. the men would also bang their slaves and stuff too. so i basically see men as having more power and taking whatever they want. not sure if that has anything to do with younger girls liking older guys now a days though. i'm guessing like a lot of people said there is the younger girls that are more mature and ready for an older guy. i personally don't see that at all. i don't think age reflects maturity. i think i was pretty mature even when i was a kid. whatever though.
 
She is dating a 65 yr old man and likes to flaunt it. I don't really mind. It's not like I am exactly single.

Anyway, she considers herself a "cougar."
 
This is def a thread I needed to read! I’m 44 this year and have fallen completely in love with a friend of mine who is also a coworker on the same ward and is 17 years younger than me. She has quite literally been on my mind since September 2018 when we hooked up during a hedonistic work night out which resulted in me meeting the mother of my future child along with being the woman I would cheat on my then current fiancé with whom I already had a 5yr old daughter.

Yep, things got messy. I went into full hypomania mode around this time, split with fiancé and moved in with new girlfriend to then have a baby with about a year later.

Fast forward to 2023 and I’ve been on my own for over 1.5yrs. I’ve been seeing my eldest daughter 50% of the time and maintaining a beautiful relationship with her. See my youngest once every couple of weeks due to having been through alcoholism and a period of extreme suicidal thinking in 2022 about which her mum is understandably cautious. Working my way towards greater contact. And all the while my friendship and love for the girl I met briefly back in 2018 has been growing. We began working on the same ward at the start of 2022, realise we’re both really into similar things so meet up more and more regularly and get on amazingly. We’re both sober by Feb 2023 so begin going to the odd AA meeting and generally being very aware of the difficulties we both face in keeping out of the way of booze.

Things progress until one eve we’re kissing and it takes me nearly an hour to realise this isn’t a dream and this is really happening. 2 weeks later (around now) we’ve been having incredible sex, realising that we both feel love in a very different way to before and that maybe this could be the start of something pretty massive for both of us.

I’m still on cloud 9 every time i wake up just remembering that she is actually calling herself my girlfriend. That I’m allowed to go round and stay the night and that when I ask if she wants to come over she invariably says “yes”.

I’ve never NEVER loved someone like this and then become completely happy with them being just a friend after telling them I find them hugely attractive and another time that “I Fucking Love you” to then keep going AND THEN have them turn around one evening and actually fall into me and initiate a kiss that led to sex that’s led to an actual relationship.

And as amazing as it all may sound - believe me, she is stunning to me in every way. Beautiful inside and out with the warmest most incredible heart I’ve known and a taste for adventure I only dreamed about in other partners. Plus she’s training to be a mental health nurse like myself and has very similar diagnoses to me - we get each others weirdness and more than that, I think we love those parts too. I’ve struggled so hard to find someone who could see my odd behaviours and put them in the right context as she does it!

So what’s the problem? Yeah, the 17yrs age gap. Well, I only know that to me it has been and it definitely put her off for a while - we’ve spoken about it a fair bit, especially when looking back on why it took so long to finally get it all started.

And I do find that here and there I’ll feel and think I look very old compared to her and then will wonder whether at some point she’ll simply get scared at the thought of me being 70 when she’s only 53.

What does everyone think about this on here? I could do with some advice….I’ve never been in this situation before and want with all my heart for it to have the best chance of succeeding.
 
amnesiaseizure said:
This is def a thread I needed to read! I’m 44 this year and have fallen completely in love with a friend of mine who is also a coworker on the same ward and is 17 years younger than me. She has quite literally been on my mind since September 2018 when we hooked up during a hedonistic work night out which resulted in me meeting the mother of my future child along with being the woman I would cheat on my then current fiancé with whom I already had a 5yr old daughter.

Yep, things got messy. I went into full hypomania mode around this time, split with fiancé and moved in with new girlfriend to then have a baby with about a year later.

Fast forward to 2023 and I’ve been on my own for over 1.5yrs. I’ve been seeing my eldest daughter 50% of the time and maintaining a beautiful relationship with her. See my youngest once every couple of weeks due to having been through alcoholism and a period of extreme suicidal thinking in 2022 about which her mum is understandably cautious. Working my way towards greater contact. And all the while my friendship and love for the girl I met briefly back in 2018 has been growing. We began working on the same ward at the start of 2022, realise we’re both really into similar things so meet up more and more regularly and get on amazingly. We’re both sober by Feb 2023 so begin going to the odd AA meeting and generally being very aware of the difficulties we both face in keeping out of the way of booze.

Things progress until one eve we’re kissing and it takes me nearly an hour to realise this isn’t a dream and this is really happening. 2 weeks later (around now) we’ve been having incredible sex, realising that we both feel love in a very different way to before and that maybe this could be the start of something pretty massive for both of us.

I’m still on cloud 9 every time i wake up just remembering that she is actually calling herself my girlfriend. That I’m allowed to go round and stay the night and that when I ask if she wants to come over she invariably says “yes”.

I’ve never NEVER loved someone like this and then become completely happy with them being just a friend after telling them I find them hugely attractive and another time that “I Fucking Love you” to then keep going AND THEN have them turn around one evening and actually fall into me and initiate a kiss that led to sex that’s led to an actual relationship.

And as amazing as it all may sound - believe me, she is stunning to me in every way. Beautiful inside and out with the warmest most incredible heart I’ve known and a taste for adventure I only dreamed about in other partners. Plus she’s training to be a mental health nurse like myself and has very similar diagnoses to me - we get each others weirdness and more than that, I think we love those parts too. I’ve struggled so hard to find someone who could see my odd behaviours and put them in the right context as she does it!

So what’s the problem? Yeah, the 17yrs age gap. Well, I only know that to me it has been and it definitely put her off for a while - we’ve spoken about it a fair bit, especially when looking back on why it took so long to finally get it all started.

And I do find that here and there I’ll feel and think I look very old compared to her and then will wonder whether at some point she’ll simply get scared at the thought of me being 70 when she’s only 53.

What does everyone think about this on here? I could do with some advice….I’ve never been in this situation before and want with all my heart for it to have the best chance of succeeding.
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Fly high amazing

17 yrs is nothing. Double it and get on my level.
 
For most of my life I've been in relationships with women 5, 6, or 7 years older than me.

Now that I'm 64 I'm looking more at the women in the 45- to 55-yr-old range.

PS-- A good rule of thumb for dating someone younger than you:
They should be no younger than half your age plus 7 years. It works out pretty well.
 
w01fg4ng said:
If I need a calculator to have sex, it's not worth having!
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I wasn't talking about "having sex," I mean for a serious relationship. And it's not that complicated:
If you're 20.....17 or older is OK
25....19
30....22
35....24
40....27
45....29
50....32
60....37
 etc
 
I'm in a serious relationship with someone way outside your boundries.

Sorry if I trigger you
 
I have pretty much always been attracted to older men I really can't help it. I tried to start dating younger guys/guys my age but I just don't really get off on that and they are immature and dont want to raise kids. I gave it a good shot. when I was 20 I had an affair with my piano teacher who was *30* years older than me. the appeal was, then i would assume..daddy issues?? now? not so much. my current boyfriend is 54 and I'm 33 and I could honestly care less about the age gap.
 
I think there are all sort of reasons and exceptions, but fundamentally it's biological. Women become physically (and mentally) mature earlier than men, and then they become infertile much earlier as well. By 40 it's usually getting harder for women to conceive and bear children, by 50 it's nearly impossible. Men can usually conceive well into their 60s if not 80s.

In dating, a lot of men are just starting to figure it out by their late 20s/early 30s, whereas women, if they want to have kids are starting to need to have a stable partner already, for sure by the time they are 35 if they want kids, and a lot of men are still playing at that point.

I don't think everyones necessarily thinking about the biological aspect, but I think we have some deep programming that affects our decisions.
 
Women mature faster usually. My husband was 1 year younger and my current boyfriend is 4 years older
 
amnesiaseizure said:
This is def a thread I needed to read! I’m 44 this year and have fallen completely in love with a friend of mine who is also a coworker on the same ward and is 17 years younger than me. She has quite literally been on my mind since September 2018 when we hooked up during a hedonistic work night out which resulted in me meeting the mother of my future child along with being the woman I would cheat on my then current fiancé with whom I already had a 5yr old daughter.

Yep, things got messy. I went into full hypomania mode around this time, split with fiancé and moved in with new girlfriend to then have a baby with about a year later.

Fast forward to 2023 and I’ve been on my own for over 1.5yrs. I’ve been seeing my eldest daughter 50% of the time and maintaining a beautiful relationship with her. See my youngest once every couple of weeks due to having been through alcoholism and a period of extreme suicidal thinking in 2022 about which her mum is understandably cautious. Working my way towards greater contact. And all the while my friendship and love for the girl I met briefly back in 2018 has been growing. We began working on the same ward at the start of 2022, realise we’re both really into similar things so meet up more and more regularly and get on amazingly. We’re both sober by Feb 2023 so begin going to the odd AA meeting and generally being very aware of the difficulties we both face in keeping out of the way of booze.

Things progress until one eve we’re kissing and it takes me nearly an hour to realise this isn’t a dream and this is really happening. 2 weeks later (around now) we’ve been having incredible sex, realising that we both feel love in a very different way to before and that maybe this could be the start of something pretty massive for both of us.

I’m still on cloud 9 every time i wake up just remembering that she is actually calling herself my girlfriend. That I’m allowed to go round and stay the night and that when I ask if she wants to come over she invariably says “yes”.

I’ve never NEVER loved someone like this and then become completely happy with them being just a friend after telling them I find them hugely attractive and another time that “I Fucking Love you” to then keep going AND THEN have them turn around one evening and actually fall into me and initiate a kiss that led to sex that’s led to an actual relationship.

And as amazing as it all may sound - believe me, she is stunning to me in every way. Beautiful inside and out with the warmest most incredible heart I’ve known and a taste for adventure I only dreamed about in other partners. Plus she’s training to be a mental health nurse like myself and has very similar diagnoses to me - we get each others weirdness and more than that, I think we love those parts too. I’ve struggled so hard to find someone who could see my odd behaviours and put them in the right context as she does it!

So what’s the problem? Yeah, the 17yrs age gap. Well, I only know that to me it has been and it definitely put her off for a while - we’ve spoken about it a fair bit, especially when looking back on why it took so long to finally get it all started.

And I do find that here and there I’ll feel and think I look very old compared to her and then will wonder whether at some point she’ll simply get scared at the thought of me being 70 when she’s only 53.

What does everyone think about this on here? I could do with some advice….I’ve never been in this situation before and want with all my heart for it to have the best chance of succeeding.
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As a 46 year old guy that got off the sauce 4 years ago, this is the most compelling love story I’ve read all year. Keep up the fine work good sir and keep us all posted on how this goes. Booze free life is awesome, and it gets easier with time.

Candidly talking to a friend of mine years ago about her fondness for older men she said that she liked how excited and appreciative they were to be with her. That makes a lot of sense to me.

I dated an older lady once. It was great, but it pressed the social norms and I could feel that it made my friends and family uncomfortable.
 
Guess for it's been the other way around. Only had 2 relationships with a girl younger then me. After that I have always dated older woman.
Lol the age difference between me and my fiance is bigger then the age difference between me and her daughter.
 
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