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Why am I so sensitive?

ErgicMergic

ErgicMergic

Bluelighter
Joined
May 13, 2011
Messages
2,691
Location
CA
Kind of a weird occurrence today. I pulled in to a parking space for a local Chipotle to take some food to go, and immediately this older BMW pulls up with a cute redhead behind the wheel. I look over, but I'm kind of skittish since I've been up for 24h and feel shitty, so when our eyes meet I turn back to adjust my iPod to a new song as I arrange something in the car. A friend comes over with tats and is showing her a new tat as they pop a pill, so I smile subtly at her, as I always wonder what people use.

As I get out, I go to the trunk to get something, and as they walk away from the car, I wanted to get a better look and say hi to the redhead, so I look over as I'm bent over the trunk, but she looks at me in a really paranoid way and says, "it's just weed! calm down!!" WTF??? Yeah, I smelled weed but do these girls (18-19yo, I'm almost 22) really think people give a shit if they smoke weed? Shit, I was a stoner for a good 5 years, I would be the last person to judge.

I froze up, though, although I really wanted to say, "hey, I don't care what you smoke, I was just trying to get a better look at your pretty face," but I couldn't say it, they both looked at me like I was the anti-weed devil or some shit. I was going to say something to her after I ordered a bowl (lol), but she was back in the car, friendless, eating her food. So I hopped in my car, signaled for her to roll her window down, but she just looked at me blankly. So I signaled, "I don't care if you smoke, I smoke too," and she gave a sarcastic thumbs up, not believing me... I signaled back, "do I look like the person who would care if you smoke?" Then she just smiled and laughed and shook her head in a "no" gesture, but by then I was already kinda pissed and just drove off.

I am kind of a sensitive person, so when random people are hostile to me it really gets to me and I tend to over think it later. Maybe she is just a really irritable person, like Bipolar, maybe she was popping pills that made her paranoid, who knows? I have pretty severe ADD, and the high sensitivity could be a part of that; I have trouble sometimes keeping my focus away from unimportant things, like random occurrences in the day such as this, and more on important things, like the witty tattooed girl that was flirting with me in the library 20 minutes before that, or my damn research paper I was supposed to work on for the next few hours.

I just wonder why I'm so sensitive sometimes, maybe it was due to a Dexedrine and heavy caffeine crash rebounding ADD symptoms and making me scatterbrained and focusing on the wrong things? I had taken 20mg spaced out over 15 hours from 9:00pm - 12:00pm, I stayed up since I woke up at 6pm yesterday and was trying to go to sleep at a normal time. That's not a lot at all, 2.5-5mg every 3 hours... and I was like this before trying amphetamines (a month ago), too...

Maybe it was because I was verbally picked on growing up for being fat (not fat now), being articulate/nerdy, having mildly crooked teeth, and other stupid things. I remember during JV basketball practice some kid pulled my shorts down as I was making a layup. I could have totally laughed at myself and it would have been all good, but I just started crying? And I was 12? I've publicly cried around my peers in a reactive manner like this maybe 5 times like this in my child/teenage life, and each time it was something I would have never expected to happen as a reaction. I was always left wondering, "what the hell? why did you cry?"

I'm not sure what the deal was today. I have a lot of confidence now, I can walk up to any guy to shoot the shit or any girl to flirt, no problem. But when they're overtly hostile to me, I have a hard time forgetting about it? I always reacted to their teasing by being sensitive to it, where I could have just laughed at myself and put out their fire instantly, and turned it back on to them. I had trouble making friends because of this, and the friends I made in HS, which I never see anymore as I have no friends now (that's a topic for another thread) learned to put up with my sensitivity since they enjoyed being around me regardless. They just didn't tease me or anything after they learned I was taking it seriously.
 
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I can totally relate, man. It's easy to beat ourselves up over things like that, even if they seem like they should be trivial. I'd probably feel the same way, although it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong or weird. It sounds like you handled it fine and she was the one being odd. For all you know, she probably feels the same way about her own reaction. People are often a lot more critical of themselves than they are of others, even when it doesn't seem that way. Odds are she feels embarrassed, but sometimes when people feel that way, they try to put the pressure on someone else.

You will eventually forget about it, but I can definitely understand. These are the kinds of things that bother me, too. Hell, I'm probably even worse. A lot of people feel very pressured and on the spot by hostility and conflict, even if it's fleeting and passive. Even when the person is actually a generally confident person. It can be very uncomfortable, especially when you feel like you aren't fully understood. For me, I think I've had so many situations like that (and many worse ones), and I've felt so bad about certain things afterwards, that I just don't think I can handle dwelling on them anymore or else I'll go nuts.

But anyway, when you analyze situations like that too much, your perspective on it tends to become a bit skewed and you might be looking at it the wrong way. Again, for all you know, she's a sensitive person as well and feels the same way you do about the whole thing. There's really nothing wrong with being sensitive. It means you're in touch with yourself and your surroundings. As long as you don't let it get the best of you, it's not necessarily a bad thing at all. And yeah, the dexies and the caffeine crash probably have a lot to do with it.
 
Moving this to Sex, Love & Relationships... SLR Mods please PM me if you disagree!

====> SL&R

~ Vaya
 
speed made me a neurotic mess, even if you have "adhd" it can still fuck up your head royally. give it up and in about 2 years you'll be back to normal.

dont people realise amphetamine can be brutally damaging to your mental state.

i swear all these americans are all on speed saying they have adhd then wondering why they dont sleep, feel easily upset and wound up. its the drugs DUH!!!!!!!

sort it out
 
I can be sensitive to negativity from people also, more especially if I am hungover/sleep deprived, etc. Sounds like you need a few good nights sleep and then maybe you won't read into reactions from people you don't know.

Sounds like you do need to get off the amphetamines because they definitely exacerbate hypersensitivity to others.
 
ErgicMergic said:
"it's just weed! calm down!!" WTF??? Yeah, I smelled weed but do these girls (18-19yo, I'm almost 22) really think people give a shit if they smoke weed? Shit, I was a stoner for a good 5 years, I would be the last person to judge.
Click to expand...

Some people like to try and convince themselves that what they are doing is okay by acting nonchalant about it.

Some people like to try and make themselves feel better about themselves, by trying to demean others.

1 out of 4 people will probably not like you as a person, for what ever reason...and out of those 1 in four there will most likely be one whos company you do not enjoy either.

Dont let other peoples ignorance dictate to you your own value, theres is a flawed sense of reasoning to begin with.

People think what they want, letting their opinions add or take away from you isn't fair for who in the end ?
 
+1 to "people are usually overly critical of their own selves"
+1 to "overthinking things like this tend to skew our perspectives"
+1 to "not letting judgment of others affect your judgment of yourself"

i've also felt self-conscious/over-analytical about such incidents before. sometimes the only thing you can do is move on!
 
What were your relationships with your parents like when you were very young? Was either one continually critical or dismissive of you?
 
Criticism is highly inspiring, insightful as to your own and others general outlook and interpretation of life.

Most peoples insecurities are reveled in their judgements of others, from which they usually learn nothing of the experience.

To be someone who does not attempt to criticize others, is to be more of an individual.


_________
second opinions are like ass holes, & a third is like toilette paper...
 
^ What I'm talking about is not "constructive criticism" which is intended to support, but improve, a child's actions.

I'm talking about unfeeling, cruel, dismissive statements that are made by a parent who has emotional problems and who is trying to tear the child down.

Those statements, when made repeatedly, are equivalent in effect to physical abuse.
 
^absolutely...but more often it seems children raised that way, especially a male, will take on that out-ward show of aggression as part of their personality.

there are many sick sad occurrences in this world caused by an individual wishing to complace the pain they felt and feel onto others, as if it is a means of transcending back into time, replaying traumatic events only to feel a false sense of control over the situation again.

the more you can understand the pain of others the more you can understand the hate.
 
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