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Why am I incapable of trust? 3 year relationship still having issues..

F

FreedomCalls

Bluelighter
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
74
So I have an incredible girlfriend who really has never skipped a beat when it comes to trust. A few times we took a "break" because of my selfishness, and during those times she may or may not have seen other people.. but I did too.

I am a 100% hypocrite when it comes to this shit... For a long time I was incredibly loyal but now I can't say I'd pass on an opportunity...
and I do love her I really do.

I'm not trying to play the self pity card but why in my brain do I think this way? Like we have our locations on on our phones and
if anything seems amiss I instantly get so incredibly anxious it's like I can't breathe for absolutely no reason and assume the worst...

Why am I wired to believe that people lie? That people aren't faithful? That she would cheat on me? Why can't I just let this shit go and stop worrying..

because we all know what worrying about something that may or may not happen does.. it's a waste of time and energy and absolutely fucking pointless.
 
Have you been cheated on and done wrong in previous relationships?

When i was 18 i went through it with a guy for 2.5 years. I loved him and was done dirty.the whole time. For ten years after that i couldnt trust anyone. You were guilty til proven innocent. It took me ten years to somewhat get past what had been done to me.
 
You sound like a great guy but sharing your respective locations on phone seems like a stretch . I mean what would you do if you discovered something you didn’t like
 
Medbithead said:
You sound like a great guy but sharing your respective locations on phone seems like a stretch . I mean what would you do if you discovered something you didn’t like
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She can see my location as well, and honestly if I discovered something I didn't like I'd ask her, make a logical decision and if necessary break up with her. I don't think it's that unreasonable I don't check it all that often just say she goes out with her friends or something

Mlgjp8612 said:
Have you been cheated on and done wrong in previous relationships?

When i was 18 i went through it with a guy for 2.5 years. I loved him and was done dirty.the whole time. For ten years after that i couldnt trust anyone. You were guilty til proven innocent. It took me ten years to somewhat get past what had been done to me.
Click to expand...

Yes I have, it was a short relationship not as damaging as the one you speak of, but it still hurt a lot. Trust sucks doesn't it. I'm glad you've broken free from the fear
 
You need to work on yourself, your confidence. I would get involved in therapy. People with trust and jealously issues are usually quite insecure.
 
It starts with having your location on your partners phone & ends up really soon.........
images
 
I am a 100% hypocrite when it comes to this shit... For a long time I was incredibly loyal but now I can't say I'd pass on an opportunity...
Click to expand...

Psychological projection - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org en.wikipedia.org

it's not really that surprising that if you're not trustworthy you'll find it harder to trust other people, is it?

like honestly i don't exactly believe in the goodness of people or have any idealistic notions of trust but i'm able to trust my partner in practice because i know that i have self-control and i'm not a shithead so i'd never do that, and so i believe other people are at least capable of making the same kinds of choices
 
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