Who reads poetry? (feel free to critique)

[(Wordy)]

Who reads poetry?

(rhetorical
________question)

Short answer: anyone
interested in the possibilities,
_______________________toyfulness,
_________the upper flaws
of language
_________& life.

Shorter answer:
____________not you.

You don’t read poetry
because there is no
_________________time /

because your English teacher
never undressed it for you –
you were never versed in the art
of loosening the lacy bra
of poetry, hands trembling
with everything to lose /

or because it’s for faggots,
the artsy pretentious,
loners, depressives /

because you don’t understand it
(and mostly I don't
blame you) – it speaks in tongues
like the tongues freed
________________by chemicals
in the experiment
______________of night
while the city melts around us.

You don’t read poetry
____don’t need poetry
& yet it reads you
______heeds you –

Not you,
_______but the outer reaches
_______________________of you,
far beyond your skin,
____________distantly projected
____& possible.


(c) Stu Hatton 2006

 

[wesmdow]

because your English teacher
never undressed it for you –
you were never versed in the art
of loosening the lacy bra
of poetry, hands trembling
with everything to lose /

or because it’s for faggots,
the artsy pretentious,
loners, depressives /

i think this part straight up kicks ass!

it brings me back to high school-- "hands trembling/ with everything to lose."

i like the analogy...teenage lust.

the intro and the ending... im not sure... i dont like them (as much as the rest) but im pressed for time and cant articulate exactly what (if anything) is wrong...

really a great poem tho.

 

[EntrenchdMentalist]

I don't mean to be a dribbling sycophant, and yet if I say nothing then nothing is said. Nothing.

You know when you're interested in someone, and when they give you the signal that you're in and your heart jumps out of its skin? That's what happened when I read this line:

& yet it reads you
______heeds you –

Kill'd, me.

 

[Mary Poppins]

this was great! loved the idea behind it and the imagery.

minor mechanicals...

possibly in this

because your English teacher
never undressed it for you –
you were never versed in the art
of loosening the lacy bra
of poetry, hands trembling
with everything to lose /

stanza - i would use 'the words' instead of poetry...the word poetry is overused.

also the word toyfulness makes my eye twitch

great though - really enjoyed it!

 

[(Wordy)]

Well, what can I say? This is some high praise for a poem that I think is still in its infancy. Although granted I was happy enough with it to throw it on my blog. But yeah, there are definitely still parts of it that I'm not that keen on.

wesmdow: I think the beginning and the end need the most work also.

Mary Poppins: point taken re overusing the word 'poetry'. I agree. And I take it your eye twitching means you didn't like the word 'toyfulness'?

EM: Cheers! But next time tell me what you really think!

 

[Micia]

Yes, the word 'toyfulness' just sounds...well, fake. I do disagree w/ Mary Poppins on overusing the word 'poetry' though. I like the consistency. The whole peice bounces as I say it out loud and it hold a nice rhythm, too. I enjoyed your work.

 

[Raz]

because your English teacher
never undressed it for you –
you were never versed in the art
of loosening the lacy bra
of poetry, hands trembling
with everything to lose /

I agree with MP and wes, this part is awesome and straight away brings to mind that whole pubescent-discovering-sexuality thing..

or because it’s for faggots,
the artsy pretentious,
loners, depressives /

I love this because it sounds so biting and bitter..

it speaks in tongues
like the tongues freed
________________by chemicals
in the experiment
______________of night
while the city melts around us.

And I love this because it reminds me of the times that I have been so fucking beautifully eloquent on acid, but am never half so much when I'm not, unless I'm writing...

 

[(Wordy)]

Made a couple of changes, mainly to the ending (which still needs work). And I know I need to change the stanza that begins "Short answer", but I haven't worked out what to do with it yet.


Who needs poetry?

(rhetorical
________question)

Short answer: anyone
____who respects
_________the higher flaws
of language /
_____________ the toyfulness
_________of life.

____________(Not you.)

You don’t read poetry
because there is no
_________________time /

because your English teacher
never undressed it for you –
you were never versed in the art
of loosening the lacy bra
of poetry, hands trembling
with everything to lose /

or because it’s for faggots,
the artsy pretentious,
loners, depressives /

because you don’t understand it
(and mostly I don't
blame you) – it speaks in tongues
like the tongues freed
________________by chemicals
in the experiment
______________of night
(while the city melts around us).

You don’t read poetry
____don’t need poetry
& yet it reads you
______heeds you –

Not you,
_______but the outer reaches
_______________________of you,
______________far beyond skin;
____all you taste and see –
__this world is you!
(O taste and see!)


(c) Stu Hatton 2006

"O taste and see" = Denise Levertov

I can't find the full text of her poem online, but here's a discussion of it (and the book of the same name), which includes excerpts:
http://www.english.uiuc.edu/maps/poets/g_l/levertov/taste.htm

 

[wesmdow]

well, now then ending is MUCH MUCH better

if you want an honest answer.. i think it might need a (bit) of work towards the beginning, up untill the word "time"

other than that, kickass man. you inspire me.

 

[(Wordy)]

Well, I've changed the beginning... as well as the title, because poetry isn't just about reading.