I actually just got back from an AA meeting. It was an open speaker meeting like every Friday. For those unfamiliar, this means everyone listens when someone else goes up and explains their story. The woman who spoke tonight mentioned being a victim of a cheating spouse among many of the atrocities she encountered in her dark days with alcoholism. She said she was devastated for a good year and it was hell to go through. Just goes to show you that knowingly being involved in an affair from any position is not good stuff and affects people in a serious way.
The ironic and fucked up part though is you don't need to be told this. You know exactly how dramatic someone's life can be impacted as a result of cheating, because you've had first hand experience with being cheated on. You've been in the same position as this poor woman, yet despite that, you carelessly fuck this dude knowing the pain it can and will cause her.
But then again, we've all fucked up. I'm as big of a fuck up as they come. I would never and have never cheated. Loyalty, honour and respect are very important to me when it comes to friends and loved ones. That said, I've done all sorts of unethical acts in my time that are wayyyy more severe than something like cheating. I've seriously hurt some people in the past, so I'm in no position to judge anyone. I always considered many of the fucked up acts I've done as having a night and days difference between each other in severity when it comes to being inflicted on strangers compared to people I am supposed to care for and respect. I know this isn't the right way of thinking either. I don't like to be too judgemental towards other peoples' acts, based mainly off of my own past. I also think no matter how extreme the action is, everyone deserves to be forgiven and given a second chance... everyone. I can sympathize tremendously with anyone who feels guilty over past mistakes they have made because they were just too naive and absent-minded at the time to truly realize the karma that they were dishing out. You can never know what sort of position someone was in when they did the bad deed. The important thing is whether or not you feel guilty for the "victims" involved, and can take responsibility for behaving negatively. Everyone makes mistakes, and those actions remain buried in the past with no chance of ever reversing them. You just have to realize the repurcussions of what you have done and put a stop to them, then do your best not to go down that path again. Easier said than done though. I have a huge track record of being a piece of shit unfortunately. The important part is to realize that and be honest with yourself. I respect that you were honest about your actions in this thread. Now is the time to do what you know needs to be done. I hope you can manage to make things better... at least as much as is possible at this point. Good luck with this.
