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Nostalgia Who are you missing on Christmas?

notsmokeymcpot42088 said:
I miss my uncle --- that my aunt basically killed by telling his doc he was drinking and getting his meds cut off at stage 4 cancer

Now she is dying though.

I shouldn't enjoy that should I? Fuggem
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The world works in mysterious ways

And there's a 12k year old levitating buga sphere made from combinations of elementals beyond what we even know.
 
My partner Liz who died of a fentanyl overdose Halloween 2022. She was everything to me. It’s getting to the point where she’s been dead longer than I was with her (3 and a half years) and that is killing me. I’ve managed to stay off fentanyl since she passed (I was a little over a year sober off that and benzos when she died) but I raised my methadone dose to 180mg and found a doctor telegraph to prescribe me klonopin that day. The combo worked immensely for the last 3 years especially with all that sober time under my belt. Really careful to not raise my klonopin tolerance. But now here I am 3 years later back on RC chems trying to stretch my klonopin because I got robbed buying a bunk script online and am still arguing with the guy…don’t think it’s going to get resolved…I know I got scammed don’t know why I’m even putting more time into this shit. So now I’m desperately trying not to lose everything because l will if I test positive for these RCs at the clinic….sorry to rant I’m in a bad spot….2 weeks off work and I can’t stand this condo where we had so many happy memories together….
 
RuffSamurai said:
My partner Liz who died of a fentanyl overdose Halloween 2022. She was everything to me. It’s getting to the point where she’s been dead longer than I was with her (3 and a half years) and that is killing me. I’ve managed to stay off fentanyl since she passed (I was a little over a year sober off that and benzos when she died) but I raised my methadone dose to 180mg and found a doctor telegraph to prescribe me klonopin that day. The combo worked immensely for the last 3 years especially with all that sober time under my belt. Really careful to not raise my klonopin tolerance. But now here I am 3 years later back on RC chems trying to stretch my klonopin because I got robbed buying a bunk script online and am still arguing with the guy…don’t think it’s going to get resolved…I know I got scammed don’t know why I’m even putting more time into this shit. So now I’m desperately trying not to lose everything because l will if I test positive for these RCs at the clinic….sorry to rant I’m in a bad spot….2 weeks off work and I can’t stand this condo where we had so many happy memories together….
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Of course my wonder wonderful grandparents who never judged me through the worst of my addiction something they never understood but they never stopped loving me…I was lucky enough to be their care taker the last years of their life but I was in and out of rehab. It was hard. I got 11 months with my best bud grandad before he passed and I am so so grateful for that…
 
My parents and best friend mostly. Then my extended family who im estranged from. A mother close friend who im also estranged from. This coming year I must try to right the wrongs and repair these relationships. My mental health rely on it.
 
Who do I miss? The me of yesteryears, happy go lucky me, no fucking worries me, very little bullshit back in the day, good trusting friends and I never worried about money, food, a car etc. I can't wait to get the fck out this hell hole called earth. I'll be 68 in June and I'm so done here. It wasn't always this way either. This era sucks. One example of my times in the 70s. The local Pigs pull us over with a 12 pack of beer cruising on a nice summer day. They pull me over, were all drinking and puffing weed. We're all underage too..even though the drinking age was 18 then. Cops take our unopened beers and let us go. The end. So yeah, I miss me - the old me. ( Pun) Lol. Signed, The Dumbass Boomer. Thats what we get labeled these days now right ? and every problem is our fault? All I fkn did was commit to a career, worked my ass off, saved some money and then partied just as hard. "Work hard, play hard." I thought that was a good life back then and wasn't fucking any future generations over. But for whatever reason, now it's the Dumbass Boomers who started all the problems in good ol Murica'. It kinda pisses me off.
 
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Jen X said:
My late husband. Life hasn't been right since. And my parents. Lost both in the past couple years.
Hug and visit your loved ones because one day you'll regret not visiting them enough
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I lost my brother. He was 17, I was 15. I'm 67 now and after all those years my life has never been the same, never will be. Probably why I've self-medicated (to some degree) my entire life. It hurts Mothers the worst, imo. I hate being stuck on this earth sometimes. Too much pain and suffering. They say its some place to learn shit. Well, I'm fkn done learning shit. get me the fck out of here.
 
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This year I've been missing my dad's folks- both of them passed away over the summer and my grandma's birthday being on NYE dug some of that grief up raw during my first holidays where I couldn't even call 'em.
 
marcoman said:
I lost my brother. He was 17, I was 15. I'm 67 now and after all those years my life has never been the same, never will be. Probably why I've self-medicated (to some degree) my entire life. It hurts Mothers the worst, imo. I hate being stuck on this earth sometimes. Too much pain and suffering. They say its some place to learn shit. Well, I'm fkn done learning shit. get me the fck out of here.
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A lot of times in my life I felt the same way. Stuck on Earth. Can't live, can't die. As a suicide survivor, meaning the EMTs got to me just in time to save me, I've tried to take myself off this earth. Too much pain and suffering. I couldn't let go amd just let things be as they are. The tougher I fought, the worse it got. Just know you're not alone. A lot of people, weather they ad m it it or not, have felt as you do. But leaving Earth is permanent. Its definite. Whatever pe I plus beliefs systems are you never get back yourself once its gone. Im sure you can't remember the last time you shined. But I bet it was only yesterday. Try to find the good qualities you have. You must have something. We all do. Sometimes its buried down deep within us. Try to find it. Takes a lot of courage to tell people how you feel. I appreciate your honesty. If you ever need to talk, vent, whatever, im here. You can message me anytime.
 
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