Who Am I?

I really do not see the point in seeking guidance regarding mental health when the motive is simply to hopefully somehow become what society considers to be a normal and productive member of society. Society is so messed up in itself, so why would anyone want to fit in or become a part of it? We are what we are. If the way we choose to live our lives does not directly effect others in a negative way, then where is the harm? When they effect others negatively in an indirect way of course.
In my experience and from what I have gathered from others, a person can only truly change if he or she truly wants to. After all of the pain and suffering I have caused myself and others, I still do not truly want to change. I want things to change but can not find it in myself to do so. I want what has already proven itself to be impossible. As good of a person as I would like to think I am, In actually reality I am an empty shell of a human being. Selfish may be an understatement.
They say everyone has damage. Everyone carries some kind of pain with them, many more then others. I know who I am and desperately want to be that person, but many things hold me back that I am not willing to give up. And this is because I cannot be myself without them. See the contradictions here are quite clear. This to me seems proof that I have not a clue or what it is I actually am besides just another random character in the natural phenomenon that is existence. A tool used by those with more power in society.
I want to be free, I have got to be me, but what if being me is wrong? I am lost you see.

 

The point of seeking guidance is to help you get to a place where you can make the positive changes that you have struggled with for so long.

"I want things to change but can not find it in myself to do so."

It's in there. The right help..whether it be a psychologist/psychiatrist, meditation, yoga, some other spiritual guidance etc, can help to get you where you need to be in order to move forward.

If you have been unable to manage this alone, then getting some help surely can't hurt. Use all the tools at your disposal to live your life in the way that you want to. No one can make you change - they can only help you to identify and move past whatever it is that is holding you back.

 

The point of seeking guidance is to help you get to a place where you can make the positive changes that you have struggled with for so long.

"I want things to change but can not find it in myself to do so."

It's in there. The right help..whether it be a psychologist/psychiatrist, meditation, yoga, some other spiritual guidance etc, can help to get you where you need to be in order to move forward.

If you have been unable to manage this alone, then getting some help surely can't hurt. Use all the tools at your disposal to live your life in the way that you want to. No one can make you change - they can only help you to identify and move past whatever it is that is holding you back.

Hey Mel, this is my first time reading this, I haven't been in blogs in a while. An old post obviously, but it's still very relevant to my life right now, moreso then ever. I really appreciate your response, and I think I am going to see someone this week. It's clear based on the way my life is going now, and my interactions with some of the people here on Bluelight, that I can't do this on my own...I don't want to do this on my own. Thanks