Who am I?

[The Hebrew Hammer]

I have been struggling with addiction for years now. And it has become progressively worse with each relapse to the lifestyle. I wish I would have listened to those people who I thought I knew better than.

Anyways, the point of my post is that I used to have a lot of hobbies and always was so buisy that I often was wishing there was more time in the day so I could have enough time to do everything I wanted to do.

Now I do not get any joy at all from any of the activities I used to enjoy. Its as if I am forcing myselft to go through the motions of a hobby of mine not getting anything from it. Not just one hobby though, like , EVERYTHING I used to do has completly lost anny appeal to me. (other than drugs of course, but they even are not at all like I used to enjoy them)

This has led to me sitting arround withdrawaling with nothing to do to pass the time. Not only does this make withdrawal worse, but I am worried that not being interested in anything will set me up for a relapse down the road.

I have only 1 friend that I can hang out with, and he is also an addict, but he has his life more under control than any other friends of mine addict or not.

My recent girlfriend of two years broke it off with me but we continued to live together for a few months until recently when she finaly booted me out.

Now all the while I had a great job up until about 2 weaks before she kicked me out. I actually quit my job because I was noticing how my life was lacking any thing joyous and I was getting very depressed which led to me missing work and deciding to quit to seek help via mental health professionals.

So now I live with my parents again and am trying to get and stay clean, but I am terrified of failure because of my lack of interest in anything.

Does anyone have any advice on how to begin to enjoy things again? (I know it sounds fucking lame, but everyday when I wake up my eyes fill with tears when I ask myself "what should I do today?" for I realize that no matter what I do I wont enjoy it.


Sorry for the hard to follow writing style, I hope it is clear enough to understand what I am trying to say.

 

[n3ophy7e]

First of all, congratulations on making the decision to quit again. That is something to be proud of, not to be ashamed that you relapsed. Those negative types of perspectives are only going to lead you down the path of relapsing again. You need to stay positive

Secondly, I think that once your brain and body are healing from the drug use/abuse, in time you will be naturally more capable of enjoying things you once did. Your body would just be in survival mode at the moment so once it starts to feel more normal, it can concentrate on having fun again.

Are you getting professional help yet? Best of luck, I know you can do this. Keep us updated

 

[The Hebrew Hammer]

Thank you for the response.

I am seeing both a psychologist and psychiatrist. So far I havent really noticed any help, but im giving it a chance with an open mind as I know what happens if I approach this problem the exact same way as I have in the past.

I really hope that in time I will begin to be able to enjoy things again. I am worried about this because I have not really enjoyed anything that Ive done in over a year and I dont think it is just from detoxing, but maybe the drugs were causing problems too. Like maybe when I was flooding my brain with opiates there was no appeal to do anything, and now that im detoxing nothing is enjoyable yet either. I hope in time it comes back.

 

[sid3]

I've been feeling the same way. I have been reading a lot about low thyroid symptoms caused by using opiates for too long. Something worth looking into.

 

[JayJohnson]

Stay positive - the good feelings come back. Your mind/body need time to recover, to get back to normal, now that the drugs are gone.

Sounds like you've got `anhedonia` - the inability to feel pleasure. The good news is that is extremely common for people recovering. And it passes, trust me it does pass, you just need to be patient and stay positive. What you are feeling will not last forever.

For me the best thing to do when I'm where you are, is exercise. You aren't going to want to, but start to force yourself to do some kind of exercise daily. Do that, try and eat healthy, do some research on supplements to take for someone recovering from your DOC, and you will improve FAST. After a week or two of exercising 4 to 7 times a week I am feeling great!

Pretty soon, you will get re-interested in your hobbies and take pleasure from them again. That's a great place to be, and looking forward to it can be your best motivator to staying clean, exercising and eating healthy. We don't form our addictions overnight, and recovery doesn't happen overnight either.

I don't know how you feel about recovery programs/meetings - but if you aren't opposed, find some AA/NA/CA/MA (whatever A suits you) meetings to go to. It helps to waste some of that time where you don't know what to do, and you can find some friends who have been where you are and can support you to get through it.

Good luck to you, you can do it!

 

[n3ophy7e]

^^ Great post, thank you Jay

 

[Znegative]

hey man, good luck! I really used to have this problem too. I've always loved drawing, but once opiates entered my life, all my passion for art and music (and pretty much anything else) went down the drain. The only thing that really helps this is forcing yourself to do things that you used to enjoy. I know it sounds corny, and its hard to be motivated to do anything when your misserable, but I promise that that passion will come back, and it will be stronger than ever!

I've been relapsing for a few months now, but have been lucky in that I've kept my drawing together. I'm actually more succesful career wise than ever! Just give it some time. That self confidence and interest will come back.

 

[The Hebrew Hammer]

I know what you mean about forcing yourself to do it. It is amazing how much more you feel like doing something after you force yourself to do it. Its like some kind of perpetually increasing energy source that starts in your mind and works its way to all aspects of you as a person.

Its just so fucking hard to get it going.

im starting to get pretty pissed off and discouraged as its already been a week and i know I still have probably 3 more to go as this detox is from suboxone.

2 months ago I detoxed from oxy in a matter of 8 days or so. Granted, it was much more difficult withdrawal then, but this time its just lasting so long, It is hard to keep the motivation to stay clean. Luckily I have absolutly no assets that can be used to obtain more drugs so I will continue this detox as planned unless that mythical drug dealer my teachers warned me to watch out for comes and gives me some freebies, you know, that guy who mysteriously appears on the kickball field as he steps on the kickball, mid-game, and opens up one side of his trench coat to reveal all the different kinds of drugs he has to give for free to eager children.8)

Fuck im sick of feeling uneasy. I dont even really feel terrible when I annalyse my state of being. I just feel so unsettled that I cant be comfortable.

 

[hobhead]

for what it's worth : i have struggled with addiction/abuse issues since leaping headlong into the arena 44 years ago . the "how to begin to enjoy things again?" philosophical question remains to this day .
i have substituted many things that have had lasting value and that have grabbed me up to this day but i still find that they fail when depression sets in . i have gone, geographically, to the furthest removes to lessen the odds that i fall on my old ass .
i have a suggestion but not a recommendation to psych docs and psych talk docs . my estranged son somehow (think ex-wife) began the loser path to heroin addiction 10 years ago .
he is for the second time and now staff at an opiate addiction recovery outfit that is far different in operation to north american standards . this doesn't have much effect on meth or the other common scourges but proves to be demonstrably effective with smack .

take a gander if you might ---- http://www.awakeninginthedream.com/index.html
p-docs and talk docs, social workers and methadone did nothing for me and this may be the real deal . on the face of it, it would seem new age/hippy-dippy but he got his life in order and is not financially involved (other than a few pesos in wages).

 

[The Hebrew Hammer]

Well, I caved in today and decided along with my psychiatrist, psycologist, and parents that my best chance for recovery is long term bupe maintenance, along with regular visits to my psych docs as well as family therapy sessions.

The strange thing, which I'm not at all complaining about, is that as soon as the sub kicked in and I was out of the very minimal withdrawal that had been lingering, I immediately regained motivation and desire to clean my room, make some music, go socialize with old friends, and begin thinking about my near and distant future and what steps I can do to work on getting there.

I've decided to wait until I am in a stable living situation in which I am capable of self sustaining before I even begin to taper off of the subs.

I guess this thread can be closed if you mods would like to close it.