months away from turning 30. i hate the thought of it. it's meant to be this milestone birthday, but really im dredding it. i feel so incomplete. who am i? i don't really know. i'm not anyone who's proud of themselves. i'm just someone who's n this planet but i don't know why. i'm lost without a cause.
i'm a lost fucking cause. my own worst enemy. i manage to put on a fake smile and try to be happy most of the time, but then there's times like this where i just lay in bed exhausted. tired from the fake smiles and prtending to be happy when the raw truth is, i'm miserable as fuck.
i feel like a no one. maybe it's this expectation i put on myself to be someone, i don't nknow.
stuck in the same cycle. i'll feel miserable for a few days then get over it. back to pretending everything's great, insteadin of actually doing something different to try and make it a real happiness.
but really who the fuck wants to be with someone who doesn't even like themself? i mean, how can i expect anyone to like or fall in love with me, when i don't even love myself. you can't.
something has to change. i am so stuck. stuck in this endless and poinstless routine of going back and forth. it's the same old story yet i keep doing the same thing around and around. but here i am, turning 30 and no better off. am i stupid? am i just too damn stubborn? or maybe there's a part of me that enjoys being miserable. maybe there's a part of me that enjoys destroying my own happiness. can't be too happy for too long, that ain't right - be careful, you're happy, time to back off.
i'm a lost fucking cause. so god damn stuck. yet i don't have the fucking balls or belief to actually do something new, do something different. am i just a fucking pussy? a spoint little pussy.
agh i'm probably just being silly. feeling sorry for myself. boo hoo. i'll get over it. life goes on. tomorrow's another day. i'm a live, what more do i want?
i'm a lost fucking cause. my own worst enemy. i manage to put on a fake smile and try to be happy most of the time, but then there's times like this where i just lay in bed exhausted. tired from the fake smiles and prtending to be happy when the raw truth is, i'm miserable as fuck.
i feel like a no one. maybe it's this expectation i put on myself to be someone, i don't nknow.
stuck in the same cycle. i'll feel miserable for a few days then get over it. back to pretending everything's great, insteadin of actually doing something different to try and make it a real happiness.
but really who the fuck wants to be with someone who doesn't even like themself? i mean, how can i expect anyone to like or fall in love with me, when i don't even love myself. you can't.
something has to change. i am so stuck. stuck in this endless and poinstless routine of going back and forth. it's the same old story yet i keep doing the same thing around and around. but here i am, turning 30 and no better off. am i stupid? am i just too damn stubborn? or maybe there's a part of me that enjoys being miserable. maybe there's a part of me that enjoys destroying my own happiness. can't be too happy for too long, that ain't right - be careful, you're happy, time to back off.
i'm a lost fucking cause. so god damn stuck. yet i don't have the fucking balls or belief to actually do something new, do something different. am i just a fucking pussy? a spoint little pussy.
agh i'm probably just being silly. feeling sorry for myself. boo hoo. i'll get over it. life goes on. tomorrow's another day. i'm a live, what more do i want?