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which substance causes you to make the worst decisions?

i'm the odd one out here, fine on alcohol, benzos, psychedelics, but pot makes me do retarded things I regret, I become a fucking junkie.

and mephedrone.
 
Right now....IV meth, I am very clean with everything so thats not the problem but my partner doesnt know I still use IV. Its usually one like 1 shot every few months, over the past year or so the most ive used is like a few shots 2 weeks apart, every other time its a lot further apart. Ive been with my boyfriend for about 4 months now and ive used twice in that period, maybe 3 times not sure and if it was three times then twice I had one shot and last night I had two shots(300mg+200mg). I do feel pretty bad but its not something that I feel is really bad coz its so infrequent, ive never shared a needle and I dont use around him at all, ever. He's tried ecstacy with me too and knows I smoke pot sometimes but not the IV speed/meth. I do feel like I have a bit of a problem with it, I crave it often though I dont give in most of the time. It probably has changed me because I used to use a fuckload of the shit when I was 17-18 and early 19, ill be 20 in a month and been on the methadone program for about 10 months now and ive only used opiates twice since then, very early on and they didnt work obviously coz of the methadone. But yeh meth is a bit of a worry for me at the moment.

Back when I was using a lot of oxycontin and xanax id take like 6mg of xanax sometimes and I was told that I called a 10 year old girl a little slut and other nasty things and I cant remember it at all. Luckily I knew the little girl and I sincerely apologised and told her I was on drugs and didnt mean it(obviously this doesnt excuse what I did, but thats if I even did it, she could be lying). This ended my relationship with that family, they were also my Oxy, MS-Contin, Xanax and Ritalin dealers too so it hurt.....Man, I used to do all kinds of pseudo-speedballs...thats another story thoug. But I started getting scared that I was really going to hurt someone or myself and not remember it, thats if I was alive to remember it. Luckily I stopped. It was all simply because I was taking such high doses and the fact that I was quite addicted and using most days. And even though I took Oxycontin at doses up to 160-240mg once or twice a day I could still remember my day and I never felt I was going to hurt someone or do anything stupid, though Oxy had other nasty drawbacks and downfalls. Hence why I m now on methadone.

Does anyone else find that compared to Alprazolam/Xanax, that Diazepam/Valium is much less likely to give you memory loss and the other messed up things that other benzos do to you or make you do? I cant say coz the last time I took valium I was either not taking xanax often or it was before I got deeply habituated, but I do remember it being so much more calmer, less sleepy, less confusion and cloudiness of the mind and it was just the purest state of relaxation and a glow in the way you feel. I do like both but nowdays I think id rather choose a lot of valium over xanax, the only thing is that I need like 40-50mg of valium to feel good and that is 8-10, 5mg valiums! For some reason I only need 2-3, 2mg xanax's to get pretty wasted. Anyway enough rambling for me.
 
@ketaman - Xanax seems notorious as far as the common benzos go for causing the most memory impairment / judgmental lapses, so what you're saying makes sense. Perhaps that's also why it's considered more recreational than most. Still imo, even xanax is nothing compared to the nonsense that drinking can cause.
 
Methamphetamine for me, just because I become an insatiable gambler on it. I literally have not been able to stop if I start gambling on shards, until I'm out of money. Last time I played, I lost over $1000 in one night until my bank wouldn't let me continue withdrawing money. On the way home I wanted to drive straight into a pole; the feeling walking out of there is indescribable.
 
^ This. Ambien is really bad, because it completely destroys any common sense you might have, and it blacks out your memory at the same time. Benzos can do that too, but in my experience Ambien ALWAYS does it. I refuse to take it anymore because of the trouble that it's caused me in the past...
 
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I have to say alcohol or alprazolam, haven’t really done something stupid on alprazolam yet but some very random things without thinking them over.
 
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