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which drug has changed your life?

Buprenorphine has kept me off alcohol for nearly 10 years now.

I've always been some one who when they have opioids, chose not to drink because I didn't have the desire or a craving to drink. Mostly because alcohol is a shitty buzz. I would say this is a good thing since alcohol is more toxic on the brain & organs than opioids.

Tramadol is what originally got me hooked on opioids in the first place. Went through tramadol withdrawal every month for 10 years. That was definitely life changing.

Heroin was life changing. Not necessarily for the better or for worse. I find having opioids improves my quality of life, but not having them makes me a miserable dysfunctional bitch.

Dextromethorphan trips helped me work through a lot of my emotional & mental issues, like anger, jealousy, etc.. that can be life changing I suppose.

Weed kept me from offing myself multiple times when I was a teenager. I was literally teetering on the edge of doing it & then my brother would come in my room & ask me if I wanna smoke a bowl & then once I was stoned, I'd be like "wow, I can't believe I was about to do that". I guess that could be considered life-changing.
 
Hey guys, with all due respect, I'm gonna shift this on over to Drug Culture, home to the world-famous Bluelight-Drugs-Experience-Circle Jerk. In all seriousness, this is an interesting topic.

I would argue Alcohol changed my life the most. It was not ever written in stone that I was going to get involved with drugs at such an early part of my life. I grew up with a verbally/physically abusive Alcoholic/Cocaine addict father. I'm not gonna get too far into the nitty gritty, but suffice to say I've watched my Dad slug my Mom with a closed fist on at least a few occasions.

My mom would beg us boys not to ever drink. As early as 7-8 years old, my Mom would tell us boys with a black eye on full display "don't ever mistreat women. Do not ever drink". Repressed memories, now I'm remembering a time when my Dad slammed the oven door so hard it shattered and I ended up with glass in my eye. I was then screamed at for being in the wrong place at the wrong time and for not minding my own business.

I say this because, I was decidedly anti-drug. I thought drugs and Alcohol were the worst, most vile things ever put on this planet. They ruined my childhood, ruined my mom's life and led to, in my opinion, a new generation of emotionally-vacant Alcoholics trying to erase the pain of watching their Mother get beat and not being able to do anything about it. I remember for years, I doubted my manhood for not challenging and vanquishing my Father.

Well, I started my first job washing dishes when I was 13, almost 14. I ended up at a party. I was only 13, but I made a point of telling everyone I had indeed been drinking for years already and that I was practically already an Alcoholic They knew I was full of shit so they gave me 3-4 shots of vodka in a water glass and told me it was a shot. To this day, I feel the fact that I consumed so much Alcohol in one go, on my first attempt, primed me for a life of seeking outrageous highs.

I was so disgusted by the taste. However, the warmth that came over me a minute or two later... well, I knew what it was all about. I could see why someone would throw away their life and soul for a substance. I had hated my life from as long as I could remember. I had suicidal ideation from a very, very young age. I wanted to escape the terror of my family life. I felt like there was no escape besides death.

In Alcohol, I saw an alternative to dying. I understood why people make such a choice. Do you suffer in a pointless, vapid life until you die, kill yourself outright or maybe just try to live using substances to make the sharp edges of life a little more blunt. It was this early experience with Alcohol that primed me for a desire to consume any and everything that would erase the feeling of pain and misery in my heart.

Yea, I was a troubled kid haha. It all worked out in the end though didn't it? Not really.
 
Keif' Richards said:
Hey guys, with all due respect, I'm gonna shift this on over to Drug Culture, home to the world-famous Bluelight-Drugs-Experience-Circle Jerk. In all seriousness, this is an interesting topic.

I would argue Alcohol changed my life the most. It was not ever written in stone that I was going to get involved with drugs at such an early part of my life. I grew up with a verbally/physically abusive Alcoholic/Cocaine addict father. I'm not gonna get too far into the nitty gritty, but suffice to say I've watched my Dad slug my Mom with a closed fist on at least a few occasions.

My mom would beg us boys not to ever drink. As early as 7-8 years old, my Mom would tell us boys with a black eye on full display "don't ever mistreat women. Do not ever drink". Repressed memories, now I'm remembering a time when my Dad slammed the oven door so hard it shattered and I ended up with glass in my eye. I was then screamed at for being in the wrong place at the wrong time and for not minding my own business.

I say this because, I was decidedly anti-drug. I thought drugs and Alcohol were the worst, most vile things ever put on this planet. They ruined my childhood, ruined my mom's life and led to, in my opinion, a new generation of emotionally-vacant Alcoholics trying to erase the pain of watching their Mother get beat and not being able to do anything about it. I remember for years, I doubted my manhood for not challenging and vanquishing my Father.

Well, I started my first job washing dishes when I was 13, almost 14. I ended up at a party. I was only 13, but I made a point of telling everyone I had indeed been drinking for years already and that I was practically already an Alcoholic They knew I was full of shit so they gave me 3-4 shots of vodka in a water glass and told me it was a shot. To this day, I feel the fact that I consumed so much Alcohol in one go, on my first attempt, primed me for a life of seeking outrageous highs.

I was so disgusted by the taste. However, the warmth that came over me a minute or two later... well, I knew what it was all about. I could see why someone would throw away their life and soul for a substance. I had hated my life from as long as I could remember. I had suicidal ideation from a very, very young age. I wanted to escape the terror of my family life. I felt like there was no escape besides death.

In Alcohol, I saw an alternative to dying. I understood why people make such a choice. Do you suffer in a pointless, vapid life until you die, kill yourself outright or maybe just try to live using substances to make the sharp edges of life a little more blunt. It was this early experience with Alcohol that primed me for a desire to consume any and everything that would erase the feeling of pain and misery in my heart.

Yea, I was a troubled kid haha. It all worked out in the end though didn't it? Not reallyI think
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I think there may have to be some dissatisfaction with one's life to begin with to have a desire to change said life with drugs. If everything were hunky dory would we have a desire to change? IDK my life was not hunky dory so I cannot answer that question.
 
M!$TER-ED said:
I think there may have to be some dissatisfaction with one's life to begin with to have a desire to change said life with drugs. If everything were hunky dory would we have a desire to change? IDK my life was not hunky dory so I cannot answer that question.
Click to expand...
Maybe. Some drugs make good things even better, and plenty of people can use drugs occasionally while having fulfilling lives.

I'm not one of those people. But they certainly exist.

For me I'd say every drug I have done has changed my life in some way. Some for the better, others for the worse. For example i would say that alcohol, SSRIs, and tramadol all lowered my quality of life drastically and taught me a lot about mental states and drug dependences I don't want to have. On the other hand methadone helped me get my life back when I was strung out on heroin, MDMA and MDA helped me resolve some traumas, and even drugs like DXM, mushrooms, and opioids (seriously!) helped me better appreciate other people and learn how to understand their mental states - I'm autistic so the whole "theory of mind" thing and emotional intelligence never developed naturally for me. weed (which I don't even enjoy anymore) had a beneficial effect in that it got me curious about altered states of consciousness and to start researching drugs online before doing them.
 
complex question

For good (life changing)

Valium helped me big time in moments of severe crisis. Also in moments of anxiety where I felt like I was going to have a stroke.
Dexamphetamine and vyvanse meds helped me with my quality of life
Paroxetine helped me once upon a time get through bad depression
Tri- mix helped me get boners I otherwise can't get

Not life changing but useful

Oxycodone helped me with pain when I had spinal surgery
Magic Mushrooms helped me see all my faults and hate myself some more
Finasteride helped me thicken and keep my hair

For bad

steroids caused me depression erectile dysfunction, infertility, acne, no balls and cholesterol and liver issues
coke caused me addiction and depression
meth caused me severe depression
extasy caused depression

but meth, ecstasy and ghb also caused some of the greatest nights of my life too with memories I will never forget
 
Keif' Richards said:
Hey guys, with all due respect, I'm gonna shift this on over to Drug Culture, home to the world-famous Bluelight-Drugs-Experience-Circle Jerk. In all seriousness, this is an interesting topic.

I would argue Alcohol changed my life the most. It was not ever written in stone that I was going to get involved with drugs at such an early part of my life. I grew up with a verbally/physically abusive Alcoholic/Cocaine addict father. I'm not gonna get too far into the nitty gritty, but suffice to say I've watched my Dad slug my Mom with a closed fist on at least a few occasions.

My mom would beg us boys not to ever drink. As early as 7-8 years old, my Mom would tell us boys with a black eye on full display "don't ever mistreat women. Do not ever drink". Repressed memories, now I'm remembering a time when my Dad slammed the oven door so hard it shattered and I ended up with glass in my eye. I was then screamed at for being in the wrong place at the wrong time and for not minding my own business.

I say this because, I was decidedly anti-drug. I thought drugs and Alcohol were the worst, most vile things ever put on this planet. They ruined my childhood, ruined my mom's life and led to, in my opinion, a new generation of emotionally-vacant Alcoholics trying to erase the pain of watching their Mother get beat and not being able to do anything about it. I remember for years, I doubted my manhood for not challenging and vanquishing my Father.

Well, I started my first job washing dishes when I was 13, almost 14. I ended up at a party. I was only 13, but I made a point of telling everyone I had indeed been drinking for years already and that I was practically already an Alcoholic They knew I was full of shit so they gave me 3-4 shots of vodka in a water glass and told me it was a shot. To this day, I feel the fact that I consumed so much Alcohol in one go, on my first attempt, primed me for a life of seeking outrageous highs.

I was so disgusted by the taste. However, the warmth that came over me a minute or two later... well, I knew what it was all about. I could see why someone would throw away their life and soul for a substance. I had hated my life from as long as I could remember. I had suicidal ideation from a very, very young age. I wanted to escape the terror of my family life. I felt like there was no escape besides death.

In Alcohol, I saw an alternative to dying. I understood why people make such a choice. Do you suffer in a pointless, vapid life until you die, kill yourself outright or maybe just try to live using substances to make the sharp edges of life a little more blunt. It was this early experience with Alcohol that primed me for a desire to consume any and everything that would erase the feeling of pain and misery in my heart.

Yea, I was a troubled kid haha. It all worked out in the end though didn't it? Not really.
Click to expand...
I grew up in a household like that one thing to say beating my father almost to death at 16 was such a big relief as such was a burden on my mind for years but it solved it all.
“If words don’t work, the stick will.” As they say to my country.

I think ppl with such intense childhood are more prone to be addicted to opioids they bring they safety and the warmth that we didn’t have and they also set the warning alarm off that we always have on subconsciously.

Good
Steroids made my accomplish some life goals in military and made me have lots of confidence and lay with lot of girls

Weed I say was good to me until it wasn’t it was calming my down from me deep buried anger and was keeping me at bay

Benzos have been good to me managing my anxiety after all these intense years in the SF and in rough childhood and teenage years. They’re functional they’re prescribed and I use it like I suppose to.

Opioids have been good thus far giving me moments of pleasure and relief when I desperately need it after months/years seeking it however I don’t make a habit for them who knows in the coming years what will come but I know I have a strong willpower.

MDMA I lived legendary moments and partying on this substance when I was a teenager I really enjoyed it.

Bad

Cocaine made me burn money just for the sake of it I didn’t even like it.

Alcohol made me take stupid decisions lot of times , got me stabbed , crash car , and end up in police station.

Psychedelics made more mentally sensitive and more soul sensitive and bring some unstable ground they were bad for me cause I had a very rough mindset and soul come by from this childhood and years in the SF. However I feel as the years come by my rough soul and mentality come slowly back.

Weed did me bad from a point onwards made me angry paranoid maniac etc.
 
Methylphenidate made me realise the severity of my ADHD and helped get through a lot of grief of me “wasting my potential” or not trying hard enough.

I connected the dots that I had tried so hard to the point it was a detriment, and that realising your brain quite literally sub optimally no matter how much meditation, exercise and yada yada.
 
@cnnka I definitely resonate with your post. I can tell, even in so few words that we have shared a lot of similar experiences and emotions. When you mentioned almost beating your Dad to death at 16... man I hear that. I had always been very afraid of my Dad. What do you expect as a child, Mom is getting beaten, you're being screamed at to the point you're almost pissing your pants? When I was 14 I hit my Dad for the first time. I remember the fear in my body instantaneously turning to pure rage as I ran full speed at him, tackled him and started punching him in the face. I was still too small to really do anything. However, that was the day that I became a man... Bar Mitzvah be damned. I had felt powerless. The fear I felt made me feel like a little bitch. I loved my Mom so much, but I couldn't/wouldn't protect her. When I finally snapped, it was a totally liberating experience. My Dad went from confident to panicking, crying and saying to my Mom "there is something wrong with him, can you believe he just attacked me for no reason?" or something to that effect

We all know how crazy and irrational we can be when we are in active addiction. It made total sense to my Dad that I should be punished severely for hitting him "for not reason", but that his violence was not ever to be acknowledged or discussed. I told my Dad next time I would kill him and I was totally freaking the fuck out, crying, screaming and making animal noises as I tried to bring my rage down. I'm not even an angry person. I have problems like every human, but anger is just not one of them. In that moment, I guess I was feeling how people feel who can't control their anger, because I felt like the rage was filling my body from head to toe and if it weren't released I would just explode.

I wish I could remember specifically, but my Dad never hit my Mom again. It was either that day or directly after, the violence ended. The bad behavior continued, but my Mom was safe and I felt like I had done the right thing.\

My Dad stopped drinking when I was 16-17. This was due to an ultimatum from my Mother. He was arguably just as bad, worse or perhaps just bad in a different way after he stopped drinking because he was a dry drunk. He didn't seek help, try to do anything for his heart or his soul or try to find happiness. He just started locking himself in his office, smoking weed all day and becoming more isolated than ever.

When I was out of the house and in college, that's the first time my Dad asked me to get him drugs. The first time, it was just weed. My Dad was giving me a ride back to my apartment. He then pulls out a syringe and says "so, what is this for?". I naturally assume I'm about to get rumbled. I look down in shame and say "painkillers" (not Heroin). He just says, "you can't be doing that shit man". The conversation then turns to how he "used to really love smoking weed"' - mind you, he has been smoking weed for my entire childhood and way, way more since he started drinking. I mean, you would have to be some kind of stupid not to pick up on these things. I humor him.

He says he is going on a trip and just wanted to try it one last time. He then takes out $300 cash and says 30% of it is mine, ostensibly for me to also buy Cannabis with. In reality, we both knew full well that I would be using that money on Heroin. Also in reality, I would sometimes take a bit more than my 30%.

I ended up getting Cocaine a few times. I was a junkie and laser focused on my dope at that point in my life. I apparently didn't care that my Mother was still at home with my Dad and that I was essentially giving him the fuel he needs to terrorize my family. I feel like this is one of my worst acts as an addict. I took money from a man that is a hop, skip and a jump away from being my nemesis and I am enabling the problems that have caused my Mom, whom I love, pain.

This arrangement went on for years. Bear in mind, this is ~2008-2013ish. Weed was not legal and people still murdered each other over it just like other drugs. For someone with a career or anything to lose, a Cannabis charge could certainly ruin a person's life. A good friend of mine, back in that era, caught a Felony for Cannabis possession while in Arizona and oblivious of the law. But, I digress.

Now that my sob story is complete, some closing statements. Like I said, @cnnka I enjoyed your response. I believe that as children, we are always looking for safety, love etc. The world is so massive, but as a child, your world is as big or as small as your guardians dictate. When your environment is just a house, there is nowhere to hide. I remember just wishing I had a little secret place, a crawl space or something, where nobody could find me until I knew the shit was over. I remember wishing so badly I had a place to hide, but there was nowhere to hide in that world. The insults and verbal abuse were a way of "take your Dad's abuse with you wherever you go! So convenient".

Opioids were that hiding place. Heroin was the hiding place. It's like the feeling of your Mom holding you as an infant and knowing you are safe, you're loved and at least in that one moment, all of the love is for you. You are swaddled, warm, protected, being held by the person who loves you more than anything or anyone else. I know, I'm a big fat Mama's Boy. Talk shit all you want. If you had my Mom, you'd be talking about her all the time too; she is really that good. She has been the runner up for the "RedBook: Best Mom in America" competition twice. If RedBook didn't hate Jews, she would've won

What are we even talking about? Aliens?
 
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