Where is my drug use taking me and to what extent am i putting my health at risk?

[fluffybudzz]

Ok, so been a member for a while, and as the title says I want to know how negative my drug use is becoming for my health and life in general? If I'm posting in the wrong place, sorry mods and move if necessary.

I've been using drugs since about the age of 15, but it has gotten much more frequent recently:

Amphetamine paste (very pure though) mostly just to study also some times when drinking on weekends. Only since about January, once every week or two. I'm stopping this completely now though.

RC benzos: etizolam earlier in the year quite consistently, I then had a seizure which I relate to a week or two of daily use ~6mg/day, so I stopped. Recently clonazolam use on the weekends. Had a stupid binge last weekend, though my weekend use is mostly characterised by binges...

MDMA: once every two months or so. All dutch highest quality crystal. Pretty bored of this, doesn't really do anything for me anymore.

Mephedrone: 3-4 times in the last 4 months at parties. Also stopping this though. I was used to pre-ban when we used quite alot around 2010. Lost it's magic for me though.

Mushrooms: I've been eating these every couple of weeks recently. Last weekend a friend and I consumed some clonazolam and then ate over 20 grams of dried PES Amazonian mushrooms each in a blacked out state. Very bizzare shit went down, I am aware that this kind of dose is stupid, and would never eat this much with a conscious frame of mind. Luckily I had friends nearby to help us out! But I was blacked out completely for most of the trip...

I also smoke weed every day, all high quality indica strains. Sativa makes me anxious.

I drink once per week, to the point of black out pretty frequently.

I go to the gym 4-5 times per week, feel very fit, eat well and don't smoke tobacco. Though my heart does feel a bit edgy when I smoke (usually certain strains) or use stimulants. I get decent grades at uni but I'm quite concerned. I'm pretty sure I have a poly-substance addiction. I think about drugs quite frequently...

To make matters worse my little sister, whom I care about a lot is a recovering heroin addict. I want to be a good brother to her, though my use just makes me feel like I'm betraying her or just not helping her situation at all. I'm very honest with her, she actually came to the hospital with me when I had this seizure and she knows what happened too. She also knows that I've always been a trouble maker, kicked out of school when I was a kid, raving, festivals etc.

Honestly I feel like it can only get worse from here on in, unless I stop all chemicals, particularly benzos. At the moment I'm avoiding everything till I graduate this summer, except weed, alcohol and benzos.... I really feel psychologically addicted to them. The problem is I love how care-free they make me feel. I use them only on weekends, some times I go two weeks or more without use, and have never felt any w/d's per say except for this seizure last December! I've read a lot about w/d's and addiction, and am just keeping use to 1/2 days per week. I am planning to use them even less, as they really fuck with my memory and I usually end up eating em like candy for a day or 2.

I know I need to clean my act up. I feel I've been using drugs for a long time, pretty much everything worth doing except heroin, crack and meth. I don't have any desire to use these substances either.

I guess I should also mention I'm planning on moving for a job to a country with some of the harshest drug penalties in the world next September, so am planning to stop all drug use then.

I dunno, where I'm going with this, maybe I already know the answer to my question but just want to talk to someone about this. Any help would be greatly appreciated Sorry if this is confusing, I don't post too often on BL these days!

 

[TheLostBoys]

You should taper down over the summer so you don't feel sick/bad moving to another country. Moving to a country that is very strict with drugs can be a good thing, but that all depends what kind of life style you want to live.

You will be away from your family & friends, which in itself is very stressful. The new job better be well worth this life change.

Look at it this way, you will come back a changed man, & your sister will admire you for it.

Just don't become an alcoholic because you won't have any other drug.

 

[《Plasticity》]

Bdd -> tds

 

[neversickanymore]

I drink once per week, to the point of black out pretty frequently.

I would lose this one right off the bat. Esp since you are drinking to BO and even adding on speed to drink more.

Red flag there. If your saying to yourself nfw.. red flags then. quite addicting, harsh on the body, causes violence, turns people into half wits or worse, dangerous, has wicked withdrawals, legal hassles.

Up side.. not much IMO.

alcohol and benzos...

If your going to do one of these then i would pick one and drop the other.

Really quite a vicious pair together. Can really spiral out of control fast. Dangerous on so many levels.. double dependency, insane behavior and death from OD are only a few.

With the pot, benzo, alcohol only regiment many people end up using all three everyday.

Just my TC.

TDS --> HL

 

[fluffybudzz]

Awesome thank you for the responses, very helpful. I also think I should taper down too. I don't think it'll be hard as my use is strictly weekends, I could just l take a milligram or two of clonazolam on weekends, and taper down from there.

And yes alcohol and benzo combination is definitely not good, perhaps this is why I black out so much. I don't get drunk and take benzos, but often have a beer or two with em for potentiation.

I've also been using benzos for dissertation interviews. They've worked incredibly so far, but I barely remember what the last interviewee even looks like. Luckily I recorded everything, and it went very well, but it's not normal that I can't remember her face.

This memory thing happens a lot with me. I often meet people when drinking or on benzos, only to meet them sober and have no idea who they are. Pretty embarrassing to say the least! Are there any memory supplements perhaps that'd be helpful to my situation? I'm sure this is thanks to benzos and alcohol, both of which I need to learn to use in moderation!