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Where do I fit, psychologically?

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geoffreychaucer

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 18, 2010
Messages
117
Location
Chicago
So I think I can finally come to the conclusion that there is something "wrong" with me sexually. I really don't mind since this is how I've been for a while and I'm functioning normally so that's why I put the quotes there. But undoubtedly I fall under some DSM categorization for a disorder and I want to hear what you think.

Simply put, I have no interest in having sex with anyone. I feel sexual feelings when I see attractive, in my case, women, but I really don't have any desire to have sex with them. The whole idea of sex with women just seems incredibly mundane. I don't have a lot of sexual experience but enough to know this is true with a degree of certainty. Furthermore, I realized a long time ago that the common response men had to women being sexually aroused was arousal themselves. For me, women's sexual arousal has absolutely no affect on my own desires. During my past sexual encounters I felt completely flat emotionally as I fucked women who were moaning with pleasure. I just don't really care if the woman is enjoying herself, this probably has something to do with my fetishes which are completely objectifying of women. Let me be clear, my sexual and non-sexual mentalities are completely separate, outside of my sexuality I am absolutely against this same objectification. But anyway, my paraphernalia occupies my mind wholly during masturbation and I'm satisfied this way.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe every guy feels sex is mundane compared to their choice fetish, but it doesn't seem that way. It seems like the majority of heterosexual men want to have sex with women. So I'm just going to assume I'm in large minority of sexual deviants. My question is how is this kind of thing generally categorized and do any of you feel the same or have insights?
 
Think you're in love with masturbation, simply. And I wouldn't say it's normal functioning either really. You know you have an issue, you wouldn't have posted asking for clarification otherwise. All I can offer you is that you're not broken, you can fix yourself, and you should do it.. treat yourself with more respect, you deserve to feel during fucking man for christ sake.. you're missing out on something great.
 
No need to pigeon hole yourself. You don't need labels.
You also don't need to "want to have sex" all the time. It's perfectly fine. You also probably haven't met someone who you really want to have sex with.
 
OP, I think we'll all find it easier to reply if you explain what your fetish actually is? There's no judgement on this forum.

It's no uncommon for people with very specific fetishes to only enjoy sex when they get to act these out. Have you ever actually done the things that turn you on with another person, or was it only in fantasy while masturbating?
 
geoffreychaucer said:
So I think I can finally come to the conclusion that there is something "wrong" with me sexually. I really don't mind since this is how I've been for a while and I'm functioning normally so that's why I put the quotes there. But undoubtedly I fall under some DSM categorization for a disorder and I want to hear what you think.

Simply put, I have no interest in having sex with anyone. I feel sexual feelings when I see attractive, in my case, women, but I really don't have any desire to have sex with them. The whole idea of sex with women just seems incredibly mundane. I don't have a lot of sexual experience but enough to know this is true with a degree of certainty. Furthermore, I realized a long time ago that the common response men had to women being sexually aroused was arousal themselves. For me, women's sexual arousal has absolutely no affect on my own desires. During my past sexual encounters I felt completely flat emotionally as I fucked women who were moaning with pleasure. I just don't really care if the woman is enjoying herself, this probably has something to do with my fetishes which are completely objectifying of women. Let me be clear, my sexual and non-sexual mentalities are completely separate, outside of my sexuality I am absolutely against this same objectification. But anyway, my paraphernalia occupies my mind wholly during masturbation and I'm satisfied this way.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe every guy feels sex is mundane compared to their choice fetish, but it doesn't seem that way. It seems like the majority of heterosexual men want to have sex with women. So I'm just going to assume I'm in large minority of sexual deviants. My question is how is this kind of thing generally categorized and do any of you feel the same or have insights?
Click to expand...

Hi, same here!

I've had a few sexual encounters but the women always initiated, the thought simply doesn't come up, I appreciate the beauty, the emotions, different views and experiences. I've even declined a few times on the basis of your definiton; I felt the sexual tension but no desire whatsoever to act upon (heck... desire? I'd call it no need!)

I've always dated older women, had a few encounters with men (was boring), crossdressed(exciting!), BDSM (:D) and various oral/anal/toys/yadayada.
I do get sexually excited in domination/submissive:) but that leaves me satisfied for so long... Dominant women can be exhausting haha. I tried all this because I too thought there was something wrong with me but in the end I simply realized this is a reaction I am oblivious to.

Never had any enduring/longlasting relationships though. The last one ended because she was a nympho (in a good way for most), interesting experience being nearly non-sexual(?) though.

Do you masturbate, OP? If I don't remind myself to masturbate months pass without me noticing. All my fantasies would fall under "deviant" behaviour but I can honestly say i've never fantasized about just having sex with a wo-man. Heck I've even attributed this state of mind to dopamine deficiency because, I agree, orgasm feels good but quite mundane, no :)?

Don't overthink and read too much, sexuality is a strange thing just remember to have fun, no matter what you enjoy (or don't).
 
how long do u spend watching porn a day? how many times to you jack off a day?

if your unhappy with whats going on with this atm. you can always try cutting out the porn and masturbation for a while.
 
Well what's this fetish you have? Perhaps if you could explain it there would be greater insight into your "issue."
 
llama112 said:
No need to pigeon hole yourself. You don't need labels.
You also don't need to "want to have sex" all the time. It's perfectly fine. You also probably haven't met someone who you really want to have sex with.
Click to expand...
This.




geoffreychaucer said:
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe every guy feels sex is mundane compared to their choice fetish, but it doesn't seem that way. It seems like the majority of heterosexual men want to have sex with women. So I'm just going to assume I'm in large minority of sexual deviants. My question is how is this kind of thing generally categorized and do any of you feel the same or have insights?
Click to expand...
As far as the is regular sex 'mundane' vs. my sexual fetish?
I think some of that has to do with sensitivity and desensitivity.
Like if you are totally clean, 20mg oxycodone might put you in a great space and 80 might make you sick... but for an addict 20mg is 'mundane' and they need 80 just to feel normal.

Same idea if you obsess with a fetish and constantly push the limits of your sexual interest in that direction.
Sometimes the body/mind needs a few weeks off from sex to reset.
 
my guess would be asexual or just does not enjoy any part of vanilla sex..u actually need a fetish in order to get aroused...there are people hat need a lot to get aroused, simple foreplay and kissing and other things does nothing to these people..nothing gets activated..
 
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