So these have been some of the most extreme months regarding changes in my life, following a year of very big changes. As the rest of my blog shows my, now former girlfriend, and i going into heroin addiction and getting out of it for the better. It is with a strange feeling in my heart that i say, we have decided to leave the old life behind and see what is out in the world for us. It is a nice way of saying, we arent dating anymore? Or more aptly put "we have decided to remain best friends as we do not have anyone else but we have lost our sexual contact as heroin had made it dwindle and in a sense not much has changed"
She keeps trying to tell me that I accepted it so readily because we haven't been in love for a while; i fully disagree. I know the reason i accepted it so easily is its time for her to take all that we have learned about ourselves and apply it to the world. Our relationship started off wonderful, went into the depths of heroin addiction and all that comes with it, only to come out the other end the both of us better for it. For the first time in my life i can literally look back and say i have changed so much.
My relationship with my former g/f has taught me things i never knew about myself. For years we held a relationship based on love together even though crippling opiate addiction through all the fighting, she never had a job so i 100% paid for her, everything we went though we made it out fine. We made it out so fine that we actually became better because of it. I never thought i would have a relationship end and i would think:
How can I be upset, when we met we were both terribly depressed individuals who had nothing but years of self loathing and confidence shattering experiences. We are both really gifted in the fact we are intelligent and very caring but that only serves to make one more upset when they are young in a world with an opposing view, now we have matured into our own. I can fully understand her desire to go out into the world and not have to view me as the source of everything, as i am sure she did coming to rely on my paycheck for dope even to shoot her up as she does know how. I want her to be her own person and she can only do so by going out into the world. I hold the believe that if its meant to be something will bring us together as we obviously still really care for each other.
I am having a hard time organizing this in a coherent and easy to follow manner for some reason i guess i have a lot to say on it and no one other then her to talk about it with. But i did say this to her in an email "its ok because for the first time I am happy i feel like viewing it objectively look at how much better we are, we grew into confident strong individuals becasue of being with each other. Because of my relationship with (her name) I now know who i am, the things i am capable of doing for love, the amount i would be willing to struggle to make a loved one happy the fact that in the end I knew our love for one anther would make it out alive, and it did. It worked so well i understand the final phase is seeing the world respond to us, to you, and everything we are now. I dont want to hold you back I want you to make the final transformation into a confident and take no shit person you should be and I know the final step is time off."
Then we had the talk about how if we do sleep with other people and get back together we wont hold it against each other. We must be really special people to take a terrible heroin addicted couple and turn it into two distinct people with life goals and dreams and the ability to change the world through the struggle of two, something they say is always one sided. Even if we never get back together i am forever thankful for i would not be who i am today without her.
She keeps trying to tell me that I accepted it so readily because we haven't been in love for a while; i fully disagree. I know the reason i accepted it so easily is its time for her to take all that we have learned about ourselves and apply it to the world. Our relationship started off wonderful, went into the depths of heroin addiction and all that comes with it, only to come out the other end the both of us better for it. For the first time in my life i can literally look back and say i have changed so much.
My relationship with my former g/f has taught me things i never knew about myself. For years we held a relationship based on love together even though crippling opiate addiction through all the fighting, she never had a job so i 100% paid for her, everything we went though we made it out fine. We made it out so fine that we actually became better because of it. I never thought i would have a relationship end and i would think:
How can I be upset, when we met we were both terribly depressed individuals who had nothing but years of self loathing and confidence shattering experiences. We are both really gifted in the fact we are intelligent and very caring but that only serves to make one more upset when they are young in a world with an opposing view, now we have matured into our own. I can fully understand her desire to go out into the world and not have to view me as the source of everything, as i am sure she did coming to rely on my paycheck for dope even to shoot her up as she does know how. I want her to be her own person and she can only do so by going out into the world. I hold the believe that if its meant to be something will bring us together as we obviously still really care for each other.
I am having a hard time organizing this in a coherent and easy to follow manner for some reason i guess i have a lot to say on it and no one other then her to talk about it with. But i did say this to her in an email "its ok because for the first time I am happy i feel like viewing it objectively look at how much better we are, we grew into confident strong individuals becasue of being with each other. Because of my relationship with (her name) I now know who i am, the things i am capable of doing for love, the amount i would be willing to struggle to make a loved one happy the fact that in the end I knew our love for one anther would make it out alive, and it did. It worked so well i understand the final phase is seeing the world respond to us, to you, and everything we are now. I dont want to hold you back I want you to make the final transformation into a confident and take no shit person you should be and I know the final step is time off."
Then we had the talk about how if we do sleep with other people and get back together we wont hold it against each other. We must be really special people to take a terrible heroin addicted couple and turn it into two distinct people with life goals and dreams and the ability to change the world through the struggle of two, something they say is always one sided. Even if we never get back together i am forever thankful for i would not be who i am today without her.
