Where can I get help?

[Abject]

Okay, so I'm not entirely sure how to go about this post.
I've been on Sertraline (Zoloft) for 4 weeks now, and I've come to realise it is no help.
I went to my GP today, as I discussed 4 weeks ago, to touch base.
We discussed this, and agreed that there was no harm in continuing it for a bit longer.
She also suggested I see a psychologist, as I've been to two otiose psychiatrists in the past.
I really am willing to give everything a try, and I am an open minded person, but I do not see any resolution to this.
There's nothing that will give me ambition. There is nothing that will give me the will to live.

I feel the dissonance/simultaneous opposites play a massive role in all of this, things that are connected, things with correlation, things that all contribute to something bigger (me) which are constantly opposing each other.
There is no balance or harmony, it is all out of line and chaotic.
Yet it's so perpetual, so natural, so... inherent.

There's no meaning to any of this, it is so senseless.
I don't belong here. I don't want to be here.
I know that there is the potential for me to do so in the future, but right now I honestly don't give a fuck about that.
I am allowed to take away from my future self, that's the reality of reality.

I'm not ready to throw it away yet, even if it is worthless to me.
Maybe I will find worth in it while I still have it, maybe I won't.
I haven't lived life enough to know these things,
I shouldn't feel this, existence should not disgust me like this.


Anyway, enough of that.
I was wondering if I could get some input on things that have helped people, be it yourself or someone you know.

Thank you in advance.

 

[spork]

I'd recommend that you see a psychiatrist to work on medications with you and even more importantly, follow up the advice your GP gave you and see a psychologist as well. A psychiatrist will be more qualified to prescribing medications that are right for you since that's what they are trained for. For me, therapy with psychologists has helped me more than any medication ever has. Sometimes just talking things out helps to see yourself more introspectively and you'll have some "a-ha" moments. A psychologist should also be able to help you with suggesting coping mechanisms that will work for you. Another thing to consider that helps me is to write about how you're feeling. You can journal using notebook and pen or use an online journal or blog (there's a Blog feature here on Bluelight even), you can write for an audience or just have it all be private, you can even destroy what you write afterwards. Just write, it does help. With all of this, patience will go a long way. Depression doesn't go away overnight and it can take some time to feel like yourself again. Just have faith and trust that in time, things will get better.

 

[Obiez]

Hey op, what is your age? Sounds like my generation and under (born 1985, do the math) and later seem to have this kinds of thoughts quite a bit more then older generations. The problem, as I came to understand it, is the fact that we have constant external stimuli, everything is at our finger tips, we spend most of our time indoors, and so on. Anyhow, what seems to develop is an almost scizophrenic inner dialogue that makes everything worse or cynical if you know what I mean? Like this world is chaos yet everything is amazingly connected like the fibbonacci sequence, or I'm not even going to try at this because I am X. Am I hitting a chord, or am I wrong? I don't want to ramble on this subject if I am missing the mark.

 

[Abject]

If my GP is willing to prescribe me medication, I see no need for both a psychiatrist and a psychologist.
I know that some people need to have realisations encouraged by counsellors/therapists/psychologists, but I don't. I also find no relief in expressing things.
I used to write a bit, not for any therapeutic reason but because I felt the need to. It doesn't even help with the need to say something, let alone the issues I talk about when I do so.

I don't want to give off the wrong impression, as I do appreciate the responses, I just don't want to create the premise that certain things are beneficial when they're not.
Could you please elaborate on these 'coping mechanisms'?



Yes, I am young obiez.
The world is chaotic, and amazingly interconnected.
I do see where you're coming from, and it may be an issue for our generation, but personally, it is not an issue for me.
This is not a matter of thought processes, but emotions and will.

 

[Obiez]

Sounds very similar to cyclohemia to me, a milder version of the scary "bi-polar disorder".

You don't need, at least this is my unprofessional opinion, anti-depressants, you just need a mild mood stabilizer so you don;t crash into the lows. I was on some for a couple of months and it did wonders for me. In fact I wish I never stopped. It doesn't make you as impulsive, there is no "might cause a psychotic epsiode" on them. They are fairly mild. I can't diagnose you, I can only say what helped me when I was going through that.

 

[RobotRipping]

i think you'd honestly benefit far more from therapy than any meds. I've been there and now i'm completely out of that dark place and things are much much different and better. I took the therapy + medication route, the medication works much better after therapy. You are dealing with existential issues we all face, the fact there is no meaning in life or whatever.

Try working all day long, going home relaxing and going to sleep, you aren't going to think about these issues any more. You can work your ass off, work towards something you care about or put your all into something. That is exactly what worked for me, i made a plan in therapy and followed through. Now i have no time to think about the meaning of my life or what worth it has and i don't really care to.

 

[grubbo]

What have the psychiatrists and GP had you on? Psychologist sounds good; some psychotherapy rather than drugging alone might be beneficial. I've been waiting 6 months now on CBT after being non-responsive to citalopram and mirtazapine (which rendered me quasi-comatose for 24 hours). Also you may want to get back with a psychiatrist as they ought to be more knowledgeable in this area and freer in prescribing more creative options. GPs in my experience are very conservative and definitely will not prescribe things like lithium, MAOIs or low-dose antipsychotic which might well do you good, especially if you're suicidal.

To address your remark: "There's nothing that will give me ambition. There is nothing that will give me the will to live." I think this is the depression talking and completely untrue. 24 hours ago I said precisely the same thing and felt beyond help, but then had the good fortune to come upon some beautiful fungi which after a few hours totally reversed that position. The effect has lasted throughout today. Depression is a sickness and one of the worst forms of suffering one can experience and this power it has to block out the light and turn everything black is one of the most insidious things about it.

 

[spork]

Could you please elaborate on these 'coping mechanisms'?

Personally, therapy helped with coping mechanisms to help control my impulses, regulate my emotions, and just generally have a more positive attitude and to be at peace with myself and my life. The biggest thing that helped me was learning to practice mindfulness. You can read more about mindfulness here. I understand that you might not think that therapy is for you (it took me years to figure out it's what I needed myself), but if you do have access to it, I would strongly suggest trying it with an open mind before completely knocking it off.