where are you now (continuous)

[fatallyflawed]

staring off into the darkened night

wishing someone would hold me tight

I have so many things to say

but the walls wont answer back anyways

I lay in bed for that sense of warmth and desiree

Im sorry for all that has transpired

You lay here with me,but Im in hell

sometimes you feel like an empty shell

hold me,love me,do that thing that you do

make me feel those words of "I love you"

 

[Jabberwocky]

i liked this. It is Universal. I enjoyed the empty shell imagery. Have you ever though on elaborating more on your emotional descriptions. Its apparent that you have deep emotions but i think that you have a world of unexplored metaphors to help guild you through the turmoil

 

[fatallyflawed]

can you elaborate just a bit on the emotional part??

 

[IndoleDreamStudies]

I enjoy short, well-written little poems. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Jabberwocky]

the idea or subjective nature of hell could allow you perhaps through metaphone to connect other hellish aspects to your experience.

the uncomfortable burning hot intense things like that. it would be a good excersize for you i think to write just more descriptively im left invariably with wanting more. which is good

 

[KnightMetal]

ILLinois

 

[fatallyflawed]

more to this poem...if I can get a mod to put (continuous) on the thread,i think this will be kinda
a reaccuring theme for me for a while

dont turn your back on me,wheren't you the one to say

that if you truly loved me, then you would have to stay

justt because your body is present, and I can feel your touch,

if your heart isnt here, then that doesnt say too much

you spin a web of lies, your thread is deciet,

It's hard to be strong, to stand on these two feet

"till death do us part", that vow is true,you will see

that even if I breathe,the death is inside of me

I have cold tears to cry and to make such a fuss

when all I see,in our faded memories, is a ghost of us

input is welcomed guys!!