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When you have a crush on someone, is it already too late?

IAmJacksUserName

IAmJacksUserName

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I look back on all the relationships (and even casual hookups) I've had, and each one of them happened spontaneously, without any foresight. Doesn't mean I didn't think the girl was hot before, but I always went through all the motions of getting to know someone without thinking about why, and then one day, BAM, we hooked up and things went from there.

Meanwhile, I have never 'crushed' on someone and ever had anything come out of it. I think it's because when I realise that I have feelings for someone before things are consummated, I stop acting on my best instincts and get unnecessarily nervous, and then I overanalyse shit and try to make things happen unorganicly. It got so bad that I actually managed to stop having crushes, and when that happened, my luck turned.

Anyone else have this problem? How many of your relationships started as crushes, and how many just sort of happened without any foresight?
 
Yeah, I tend to have that problem as well - if I start developing a crush I'll tend to overthink things and that rarely leads to anything good. That being said, my current boyfriend is someone I had feelings for for months before we got together way back at the beginning of high school. The trick really is to just force yourself to chill out when you're around that person, don't treat them too differently to how you would anyone else...easier said than done I know, but it's definitely something that can be worked on.
 
I had a crush on my first boyfriend for a while before we started dating.
With my boyfriend, we just started hanging out and then got together, didn't have time to "crush" on him beforehand.
 
crushes have never worked for me either. :\

i think the pressure just leads to either overbearing stalker behavior or rabbit in headlights blinded by the hotness. neither of which are conducive to a normal relaxed relationship between two people
 
^^^I'm currently the rabbit blinded by the headlights of hotness.

Who knows if its conducive to a good relationship but god damn, god damn through the motions is amazing.
 
i've only dated one young woman that i didn't have a crush on hell i didn't even know her name i just knew she was my friends gf she had a mutual friend of ours ask me to be her bf and she was pretty so even though i didn't have any feelings about her i dated her cause she was pretty and there was of course a chance that we had enough in common to enjoy each other when it's just us talking or shit like that
but back to the point i don't ask a woman out unless i'm crushing on her at least a little and they only have asked me out cause of (i'm assuming) me having a crush on them even though i'm a little shy around a woman i'm crushing on but that seems to make me seem more attractive i think it's because i've always been like the "bad guy" so my shyness shows a sensitive side of me
 
Boupstarnm said:
^^^I'm currently the rabbit blinded by the headlights of hotness.

Who knows if its conducive to a good relationship but god damn, god damn through the motions is amazing.
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as long as you can talk to them its fine, but i've been blinded to the point of everything being awkward and stilted. which didn't work well for me
 
Hadn't thought about it like this before but it makes a lot of sense to me.

My last relationship ended in 2008 and since then it's been all casual hook ups, none of which I've formed any emotional attachment with. My issue is that during this time I've come to realise that I'm actually really into one of my best friends who I've known for almost 10 years. I suspect that the feeling is mutual too (based on pretty solid evidence, eg. the way she acts around me, we've had sex on several occasions), but when you take away that spontaneousness it changes the game entirely, it's now something that requires a lot of thought, because there is more to lose. I gave up thinking about it because it wasn't getting me anywhere, I would second guess every decision I made that I thought was right and could never settle on what I should do. Now though, I'm faced with dealing with it again because we recently moved in together (arguable a bad idea, but I've since come to terms with the idea of nothing ever happening between us) with two other people, and this weekend we fell asleep together and she basically embraced me all night - now there's casual hugs and there's real, heartfelt embraces. If you can't tell the difference you must have missed the boat but they're real and I'm sure this was the latter :p So now I'm back at square one. Oh, and she has a boyfriend now.

Moral of the story: it becomes a fuck load more complicated if you've known the person a long time before any feelings develop.
 
I've had crushes on people - hooked up and spent an hour with them, a night with them, a few weeks with them etc. Sometimes the life / sex that you imagine with the person simple doesn't work that way in reality. Sometimes it does though :)
 
pofacedhoe said:
i think the pressure just leads to either overbearing stalker behavior or rabbit in headlights blinded by the hotness.
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This was exactly how I was YEARS ago (I mean years... before even my ex boyfriend). I'd get so obsessed over one guy and I definitely never actually stalked anyone but I'd find out anything I could about him :P lol. I guess that was more high school. I like to think people mature over the years. When you're young, your hormones are kinda crazy, and I already have/had OCD, so that didn't help.

My boyfriend and I didn't have crushes on each other, we just kinda hung out and hooked up and that ended us up in a relationship :P
 
My biggest crush ever was this guy I knew about 11 years ago. We hung around a group of friends that we had in common. I would frequently see him out at the bar or parties. His best budddy was a friend of mine so we saw each other at his house too. It seemed like everytime we might have gotten together one or the other of us was dating someone else. We kissed a few times in public places over the couple of years we knew each other and wow, we had chemistry like no other! There was just something there. He told me I kissed him like no other female ever had. We just didn't want to just "hook up" though and ruin things. Timing was never right, either like I said we were involved with others or one or the other of us weren't in a. Good place to be in a relationship. We absolutely loved to flirt, there were some nights we sat and talked all night long.

Anyway, he moved to another state somewhat unexpectedly. We kept in touch by occasional phone calls and he would come back "home" every couple of months and would let me know he was coming. We would party. One night we came very close to being together and both backed out..didn't want to mess things up..no way either of us would do the long distance thing. I went a couple of months without hearing from him (which happened occasionally). Then bam, middle of the night got a phone call...he had died.

We had always said when the time was right that we would be awesome together and that one day...

Suddenly there was never a chance to be. My heart still hurts when I think of him even years later. So if you think it might work, just go for it. We never know what will happen tomorrow. It is one of the biggest regrets of my life.
 
missmeyet? said:
My biggest crush ever was this guy I knew about 11 years ago. We hung around a group of friends that we had in common. I would frequently see him out at the bar or parties. His best budddy was a friend of mine so we saw each other at his house too. It seemed like everytime we might have gotten together one or the other of us was dating someone else. We kissed a few times in public places over the couple of years we knew each other and wow, we had chemistry like no other! There was just something there. He told me I kissed him like no other female ever had. We just didn't want to just "hook up" though and ruin things. Timing was never right, either like I said we were involved with others or one or the other of us weren't in a. Good place to be in a relationship. We absolutely loved to flirt, there were some nights we sat and talked all night long.

Anyway, he moved to another state somewhat unexpectedly. We kept in touch by occasional phone calls and he would come back "home" every couple of months and would let me know he was coming. We would party. One night we came very close to being together and both backed out..didn't want to mess things up..no way either of us would do the long distance thing. I went a couple of months without hearing from him (which happened occasionally). Then bam, middle of the night got a phone call...he had died.

We had always said when the time was right that we would be awesome together and that one day...

Suddenly there was never a chance to be. My heart still hurts when I think of him even years later. So if you think it might work, just go for it. We never know what will happen tomorrow. It is one of the biggest regrets of my life.
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this is so sad.

all i can say is learn from this and go for it especially if both parties are keen
 
its hard to say...

i have had so many crushes in my lifetime and only 2 resulted in a relationship. i think though, if i had been more honest and kept pursuing the other crushes maybe something could of came out of them.
 
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