When will shit stop moving? (been 5 months, with anxieties)

[shaddi]

I've done acid 6 times last semester (from oct - dec), all being small doses each time (1-3 tabs). I've also done mushrooms 3 times in that same period, (about 1/4oz together). I was doing these I guess you could say every other weekend, just about.

Ever since I'd say the night i did 3 tabs, i dont think ive fully come down. Things looked really 'high-def' outside for 1-2 months. That's sort of died down now, but still when im outside its really not the same. Sure it looks a little better (everything seems wider, a little disproportioned distance between objects, filled w/ color..), but it's different and I miss how things are supposed to look. Everytime i walk outside i think im on acid or something...i know life isnt supposed to look like this. and i think about it everytime i walk outside...and inside. my room looks different and its not the same. i just want to return to how things should be

when i stare at something for a few seconds, things start moving slightly. I'm not sure if you would call these flashbacks, because I can basically make it happen EVERYTIME i stare at something, whatever it is (i do it more indoors). even if im not trying it will happen sometimes. I'll find myself staring at shit watching it move, wondering when this will go away. It is worse in the dark (and ive also seemed to have really lost my night vision..).

Also I seem to see white noise (like when looking at the white wall across my room, i dont see a solid white, i see 'white noise'). This bothers me too.

so it seems to be 'stuff moving' indoors, and 'whoa things are still in HD like im on acid' outdoors, which constantly makes me think about acid. is this just a form of psychosis?


These things give me anxiety and I really wish I never took acid in the first place. I feel like I'm not longer the same person....instead im a complelty different person, or just a 'nothing' now that ive taken this drug (im pretty sure its the acid that has done this, not mushrooms btw)

During winter break I had an episode of depression, and i believe it was because of this. I slept 12 hours a day, and all i could think about is how shit was still in hd, things are moving and how ive ruined my life.

I guess my symptoms relate to hppd, but im unsure. I figure I wouldn't get it cuz im not doing high doses. It SEEMS to have slowly died down after 5 months (its definitely still there), but maybe im just becoming more adjusted to it. Is that normal to still have affects that long after (by normal, i mean NOT attributed to hppd). its pretty easy to 'reproduce a flashback'. all i need to do is stare at letters on my screen and then suddenly theyll sort of be swaying around slightly.


I guess this isn't really anything to cry about compared to ppl who ACTUALLY have hppd bad, which i dont think id be able to ever handle, so props to them. I just maybe need some support. even though i was more depressed/anxious in my high school years (16-17) before i did drugs than i am now (18 ), i think id go back in time and never even start, just so i wouldnt have these anxieties about it (ive thought about acid every single day since i stopped using....i cant get it out of my head cuz its everywhere (in my vision))

ive felt pretty alone about this. i live w/ my family and ive never told them about my drug uses, im not sure how they will take it. everytime i got in the car w/ my mom i wanted to tell her that ive done acid (she has told me that shes done it) but i think she would just be disappointed and things might be awkward. (and of course she'll tell my dad). i really for some reason feel like i need to 'get it off my chest' and tell my family that ive done acid 6 times and shrooms 3 times, but they willl probably never look at me the same (i dont look at myself the same)....just so i dont feel like im hiding anything (hiding these anxieties). or maybe im just a sissy who has to tell mommy everything

 

[ChronicHD]

First off, welcome to Bluelight. You came to the right place. This is a community where you can get actual insight when you pose questions like this.

I definitely feel for you man you're in a tough spot. Maybe this is more in your head than you think, and that could mean that talking to people about it would help. If your mom has done acid, then I'm assuming she's pretty open minded. It might be a good idea to tell her about this in confidence. Maybe your anxieties are more related to the act of having taken the acid and being a "different person" than to actual hppd symptoms. Talking to people about shit like this is the first step towards getting better.

 

[shaddi]

First off, welcome to Bluelight. You came to the right place. This is a community where you can get actual insight when you pose questions like this.

I definitely feel for you man you're in a tough spot. Maybe this is more in your head than you think, and that could mean that talking to people about it would help. If your mom has done acid, then I'm assuming she's pretty open minded. It might be a good idea to tell her about this in confidence. Maybe your anxieties are more related to the act of having taken the acid and being a "different person" than to actual hppd symptoms. Talking to people about shit like this is the first step towards getting better.

Thanks, I think you're right. I had plans to tell her, but then again I don't really see a reason to since all I'll feel is guilt, and it's not like she (or anyone) can actually help my hppd symptoms.

 

[Ramirez]

Well, I can tell you that you're definitely not alone, while I don't really notice the whole HD aspect, I get what you're saying about the minor visual distortions. Even while I was reading your post, I could see paragraphs shift ever so slightly (Incidentally, my last go at acid was about 3 hits) but nine times out of ten it's just my imagination playing tricks with me.

However, I'll also get this hallucination where I randomly see flashes of light; earlier, when I was reading a book, I kept seeing a flash of blue light - faint at that - out of the corner of my eye. Even last night, I noticed the tree in my neighbor's back yard was moving around inconsistent to what a breeze would normally do. Generally, I don't think much of it. However, the other night, I even got faint CEVs.

However, I haven't done it for as long nor to the extent you did it so it makes sense that for me, it'd be much milder.

Since the distortions and stuff have subsided gradually, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I'd say it's mild HPPD (which I hope it's not, because that would mean I would get it with heavy acid use...) but I'm not a professional or anything. I think that flashbacks occur because you think about what it's like, or you see something that reminds your subconscious of an acid trip. However, your scenario is this almost vicious circle - because you still saw shit long after the trip ended, you kept thinking about acid, and if thinking about it triggers flashbacks, you flash back more often and so on.

I personally haven't dealt with what you're dealing with to the same scale, as in seeing stuff moving and general acid-like visuals for months on end and the like. But at the same time I get what you're talking about.

 

[shaddi]

Well, I can tell you that you're definitely not alone, while I don't really notice the whole HD aspect, I get what you're saying about the minor visual distortions. Even while I was reading your post, I could see paragraphs shift ever so slightly (Incidentally, my last go at acid was about 3 hits) but nine times out of ten it's just my imagination playing tricks with me.

Well, I'd like to think its my mind playing tricks on me, but sometimes i stare in awe as i try to understand how im able to see it move that obviously. It seems to worsen when I haven't slept (not sleep deprivation hallucination, since ive never gotten this during my all-nighters during HS)

However, I'll also get this hallucination where I randomly see flashes of light; earlier, when I was reading a book, I kept seeing a flash of blue light - faint at that - out of the corner of my eye.

well ur not alone w/ that one, either. ive gotten that a few times. its rare and only seems to happen when suddenly go into complete darkness (turning off a light). Also I get annoying after-images when shifting my vision from a light source (example: look at tv, then at the wall, its still bright and i can still see a shadow of what i just saw on tv..especially during the night)

I think that flashbacks occur because you think about what it's like, or you see something that reminds your subconscious of an acid trip. However, your scenario is this almost vicious circle - because you still saw shit long after the trip ended, you kept thinking about acid, and if thinking about it triggers flashbacks, you flash back more often and so on.

yea its hard to not think about it when its painfully obvious right in front of you. ive gotten better w/ it though in learning to ignore it, but it still has always been there

I personally haven't dealt with what you're dealing with to the same scale, as in seeing stuff moving and general acid-like visuals for months on end and the like. But at the same time I get what you're talking about.

yea it really only seems to happen when i look at something for a few seconds (this is prob because thats one of the main things me and my friends did on acid...we'd sit down outside and literally stare at shit and watch everything turn and morph into cool and weird shit...isnt that what everyone did?) the elaborate morphing has died down, now its just slight moving/bending

 

[ethnobot781]

it's not like she (or anyone) can actually help my hppd symptoms.

A doctor may be able to help if it's bothering you enough to confide in a good one. It depends if you feel comfortable admitting your drug use to your doctor though. Good luck whoever you decide to tell. Give yourself time to make the right decisions and above all be good to yourself!

Peace, Ethnobot

 

[shaddi]

A doctor may be able to help if it's bothering you enough to confide in a good one. It depends if you feel comfortable admitting your drug use to your doctor though. Good luck whoever you decide to tell. Give yourself time to make the right decisions and above all be good to yourself!

Peace, Ethnobot

perhaps. ill consider this once ive gotten my own car so i can drive secretly to my doctor in peace

 

[ethnobot781]

I've pm'd you

 

[internettoughguy]

It's hard to gague how extreme this visual effects you are witnessing are.
After my first acid trip 4 years ago i started noticing patterns breathing which looks like someone dropped a drop of water on it and it is rippling from that spot.
At first I thought it was due to the acid and it may have altered my brain. But the more I talked to people about it, with people who have done acid before and people who have never taken any hallucinat drugs I came to learn that it is common in both types of people. That I had just not noticed it before until after my first acid trip and I realized that the our eyes can play little 'tricks' on us.

You should definitely talk to some people about it, not just online on Internet forum. It's a start but you should talk about it with the people you do acid with and see if anyone else has made any realizations.

 

[shaddi]

I've pm'd you

thx =)

 

[shaddi]

It's hard to gague how extreme this visual effects you are witnessing are.
After my first acid trip 4 years ago i started noticing patterns breathing which looks like someone dropped a drop of water on it and it is rippling from that spot.
At first I thought it was due to the acid and it may have altered my brain. But the more I talked to people about it, with people who have done acid before and people who have never taken any hallucinat drugs I came to learn that it is common in both types of people. That I had just not noticed it before until after my first acid trip and I realized that the our eyes can play little 'tricks' on us.

You should definitely talk to some people about it, not just online on Internet forum. It's a start but you should talk about it with the people you do acid with and see if anyone else has made any realizations.

hmmm, well ive gotten that same rippling effect i think that u describe as well, after i stare at something. i.e. if im staring outside, grass in my peripheral vision no longer looks like detailed grass, instead it looks like a blurry wave of green. my first time ever seeing this effect was the second time doing acid when i learned that i can get that effect by staring off for a bit. ur saying maybe after staring my eyes move a little or get blurry? that may be the case..but i can make things on my screen move very easily (slightly, but constantly and actively), with little efforts if i try (or something dont try, maybe dont notice) within a few seconds.

 

[toomuchtv]

I think what you have is nothing to be alarmed about. I have never taken acid, but have taken mushrooms, salvia, 2ci, 4acodmt. I have similar effects that you describe, but sounds like mine are less severe. I think these are effects in our vision that everyone has and have always had, but our brains just learn to filter it out. But taking psychs you alter or destroy that filter. Eventually if given enough time, the filters will likely rebuild themselves and you will be back to "normal". I personally prefer life this way, so long as it doesn't become too annoying.

After images from looking at oddly colored or bright items is completely normal as are trails on moving objects and white noise. It just become more pronouced after taking psychs. You are just noticing it for the first time in a long long time.

Take a 6 month break, relax, and don't worry about it (unless it gets worse, then Go see a doctor), and you will probably be back ato "normal" in no time.

 

[shaddi]

I think what you have is nothing to be alarmed about. I have never taken acid, but have taken mushrooms, salvia, 2ci, 4acodmt. I have similar effects that you describe, but sounds like mine are less severe. I think these are effects in our vision that everyone has and have always had, but our brains just learn to filter it out. But taking psychs you alter or destroy that filter. Eventually if given enough time, the filters will likely rebuild themselves and you will be back to "normal". I personally prefer life this way, so long as it doesn't become too annoying.

After images from looking at oddly colored or bright items is completely normal as are trails on moving objects and white noise. It just become more pronouced after taking psychs. You are just noticing it for the first time in a long long time.

Take a 6 month break, relax, and don't worry about it (unless it gets worse, then Go see a doctor), and you will probably be back ato "normal" in no time.

thanks bro, that makes me feel better. appreciate it

thanks for all the responses everyone. after writing this and thinking about it ive come to sort of just accept it. i only stress about it when im stressing about other things (staying up 30 hours studying for finals) so im glad thats all over

 

[zebigmonst3r]

I've recently had the same concern as you. I also started using acid recently, and have had the same visual disturbances after only my second use, which was 6 hits. I think the biggest part is just accepting it, and once you learn to accept that it's there, plain and simple, you won't notice it as much, and it will eventually subside. I realized that the more I worried about the fact that I had the visual disturbances, the more I noticed them.

 

[wook]

could it be PTSD?

 

[shaddi]

I realized that the more I worried about the fact that I had the visual disturbances, the more I noticed them.

i guess this is sort of true, ive found this to be the case.

could it be PTSD?

how does that change the fact that there is a CONSTANT NOTICABLE change when im outside. when im outside it literally look like a complelty different world than what it used to be before the drugs, and im sure of that. and its a 24/7 thing (no movements, just brighter, colorful, more hd, wider, distance shit), even when im not thinking about it. i dont think it has to do w/ a traumatic event, cuz ive found my trips to be relatively pleasant (yes i was anxious a lot during them, but i was anxious before my drug use, during, and after). i guess im just a fucking nervous guy.....

 

[pharmakos]

stop caring and it will abate faster.

 

[Mercury (Hg)]

I notice these things and the only tryptamines I've done were DMT once and LSA a few times.

If I stare at an intricate pattern (carpet, ceiling, etc), I can control the rippling and waving. I think this has to do with pattern recognition and movement perception. Your visual field is comprised of at least two systems, one detecting color, saturation, luminescence, etc, and the other detecting patters, motion, boundaries, and lines. The more I focus on certain things, the more apparent the "wave" effect becomes. Several examples of things I'm able to do this with are: grass, blinds, speaker grills, window screens, cloth, etc.

I'm also prone to visual noise. It's always present, and becomes more so with certain drug use. It manifests itself as CEV and OEV when amplified. I can see it now "through" my computer screen.

I wouldn't fret over it. Just because you're different than you used to be does not mean you're not "normal."

 

[Pimp Lazy]

I'm a musician that has done too much acid (along with plenty of psychedelics) and I also have tinnitus. I was actually thinking about this today when I first did acid it was a huge, ridiculous dose. I wasn't right for a long time. I remembered sitting in the bathroom at work and the gray tiles changing to black and the grout being imprinted long after I stopped looking at it, swirling when I did, and changing dimension just like an acid trip. The whole wave thing. It's gotten better over time and I don't really notice it much, but if I'm tired or particularly high after not smoking for a bit or popcorn style ceilings all give it to me. The brain fills in most of the pieces of what you think you see so it might well be a biological change in that part of the brain, but no one really knows. You're fine and you will be fine. I remember getting fairly depressed about this and thinking, "What've I done to myself?" I luckily did enough acid to gain so much from the experiences that the minor HPPD I do experience doesn't bother me. Take care of yourself and don't work yourself up. You might notice it always, but if you don't think it is a big deal it won't be.

 

[RainbowWarrior]

I miss how things are supposed to look. Everytime i walk outside i think im on acid or something...i know life isnt supposed to look like this. and i think about it everytime i walk outside...and inside. my room looks different and its not the same. i just want to return to how things should be

Well first off you should realize that there is nothing like reality or perception of reality "like it's supposed to be"...

Let me ask you why did you take acid? just for fun or did you want to open up your mind? because it sounds to me like that's what happened - sure you can call it hppd, go to a lot of doctors and take a lot of crappy pharmaceuticals, or you start accepting the new reality you woke up to and start using your opened up mind...

If that's not possible for you then i would advise you to stop with any drug intake and try to ignore those effects and just live your life, after a while you will forget...

and yeah i know what you are talking about, but for me this is rather progressing than neg. side effects, but also if i want to percieve a wall or something as solid it will be solid, but if i concentrate and focus i can activate a more vivid perception...

come to know yourself and above all: don't be afraid!

in any case i would look into meditation, it's a really great way to integrate psychedelic experiences in your life...

good luck in your future life