Heroin When will I feel ME again? Normal? Fuck.

[dopaminefiend]

I'm 19, and about 1 year ago I had my first shot of heroin... needless to say I loved it. I had been using pills for a while, started with tramadol (haha) taking a few pills at a time ( my friend had a subscription she bought off someone) and quickly escalated to 40 mg opanas... then came the heroin and the dilaudid and everything else. My boyfriend had already been to rehab for heroin so it wasn't hard to get re-submursed back into the lifestyle. We weren't using THAT much, for come January I had lost my job and he had to support both of our habits. Around March/April our addictions were in full swing because I had gotten my job back, and we were buying multiple bundles per week. Around early July he went back to rehab, and minus a week or two of using still and a few more nights with opanas/oxys I haven't touched dope since (about 3/4 months). The physical withdrawals have definitely gone away, but its early November now, and my mind is still so fucked up. I am not happy with ANYTHING... constantly still trying to chase the next "fix" of whatever it may be.... A year ago so many little things excited me, made me happy... Even before my habit was bad I found joy in little things. Now I feel so empty. I smoke a lot of pot, but due to money issues can't buy as much as I'd liek. I definitely "replaced" heroin with pot in a way, but I've always loved pot. Now it feels like I need it though. I was happy about being clean at first, but lately I have been wanting nothing more than to get high. Luckily, I moved to another state, so I haven't been able to find much, but I'm so unhappy, and i KNOW that any kind of opiate will instantly make me happy again. This all sounds a little stupid, but really my point is that my BRAIN IS FUCKED UP. I'm not normal.. I miss being normal... I miss being happy. I miss thinking about things and doing what I like and now i'm just consumed by.... depression.. I guess. Will I ever feel that way again? Comments and replys are greatly, greatly, appreciated

 

[Alex000]

If the depression is not fading at all, you might want to look into buprenorphine (Suboxone/Subutex) maintainence. It is a good drug, better than methadone for maintainence IMO.

 

[shady4091]

Hey man, have you read much about PAWS, or Post Acute Withdraw Syndrome? You're definitely not alone in feeling like you do, in fact, it's totally normal. It's something that all recovering addicts will have to go through. The most important thing you need to do to start crawling out of your slump is to break free of your old routine. There's a good chance any of the things you were interested in before, are not going to make you happy anymore. You need to find new hobbies, new interests and get away from anything that reminds you of using. You're at a vulnerable spot in your life right now, try to not let the depression get the best of you. Unfortunately three or four months is usually not enoguh to get back to your old self, especially if you just keep waking up everyday doing the same thing. It's going to take time and it's going to take effort on your part. I would not worry about smoking pot for the time being. You need to do what you have to do to cure the boredom and take your mind off things. Going from daily heroin use to daily pot use is a fucking win in my books.

Here's a link I think might help you. I hope it does anyway.

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/553020-How-do-you-deal-with-PAWS

Stay strong man, you've done a hell of a job so far, don't make it for nothing!

 

[verso]

Stay strong man, you've done a hell of a job so far, don't make it for nothing!

For real... three or four months? That's fucking impressive.

I would explore all your options; maybe an anti-depressant would help, or maybe bupe maintenance... But please, please do not get discouraged, man. You've come a long, long way.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

There is a lot of difference between people when it comes to PAWS. I didn't feel normal again for about a year after abstaining from heroin usage. I was only snorting heroin for about a year. Your experience will differ from mine, but nonetheless, I hope you get through it soon.

 

[K88ABY]

Are you still with the fella??

 

[K88ABY]

Well regardless of that 3/4 months clean is outstanding. I never kept the bitch away for that long. I can relate to exactly what you say about how you feel. I've always believed that situations (whatever) are easier to see from the outside, and after even a few weeks abstinence you wonder what the hell to do with your life. I also think this might make me sound like a huge wanker, but I honestly believe that exercise is a huge way forward. I bought myself a horse when I withdrew once. I promised myself I'd save what I would've spent on gear on the one other thing I was passionate about. It took me 2 weeks to save enough to make my childhood dream come true. Basically babe.. the possibilities are endless, and I think anti-depressants should be a last resort ;-)

 

[King Hop Head]

You are experiencing the wonders of PAWS, what I'll have to put up with sooner or later.

As Verso said, an antidepressant may be helpful. I have found Paroxetine (Paxil/ Seroxat) to be helpful, it even gave me bit of a buzz.

Exercise is a big yes yes, whether its going down the gym or long distance running, cycling or swimming. This will make you feel better than well, for at least that day.

Some herbal remedies may be helpful, look into Passiflora, Damiana, Kava, Brahmi and Siberian Ginseng

Additionally make sure you have a good diet with plenty of complex carbs, protein, fruit and veg. Supplements such as Tyrosine, DLPA, Omega 3 will be beneficial.

Hope that helps

Al

 

[OxyMedic]

If you're craving a sort of anti-depressant effect like opiates effected you maybe try kratom I use it about twice a week at night and it has kept my cravings down significantly and also giving me the mood boosting effects
DOC did. It to me is the lesser of the two evils atleast im not sticking needles in my veins anymore. So for the time being kratom os helping me distance myself from my old life style and helping me build new one in the time being.

 

[Pegasus]

I found that it fades away over time in waves. I'm sure you've had some waves already and soon they'll be more constant. Once you notice you're progressing, I don't think it's nearly as bad. Just pay attention to the good/ bad waves.

 

[regulator1]

I feel hypocritical in the fact I.don't touch opiates anymore but now I like.stimulants during my days off. I need 50 posts, I am a buffet of self induced addictions.
Like others have said,
there is 8ft bd 1cc syringe following us junkies everywhere we go.

I am glad you have some cleantime, walking out of the.haze with your dopamine receptors getting use to not being flooded.
If your.feeling.unmotivated and disconnected like all people facing paws there is good meds out.there. my shrink knows about my drug love and has helped the past two years.
Here is what I took

Buproprion/Welbutrin nri taken regularly in the a.m I noticed goose bumps and a nice kick of energy.

Cymbalta/snri I was content and less compulsive upbeat
Naloxone/rivera- seeing as how your initial wd is gone this pill will completely stop dope dreams and cravings. Eat them cause if you do fall off the wagon. You wont get high. IF you took it within 2days.
Uncomfy is.coming off that cymbalta or any snri
titration to a ssri worked.

See you a psych and mention rivera to them. You don't want methadone or any agoniest like that your to far in to go back.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naloxone

Why not TRY and give yourself a safety net click that link

 

[k3rn3ll]

i can definantly relate to the paws... as ive gotten clean a few times and sometimes they can be worse than the actual detox period. Ive have depression issues on top of my opiate addiction but my ssri's do help. I was on zoloft for years and it stopped working and lead to a relapse... but anyways i got clean again 2 weeks ago and am now on prozac .. I did try naltrexone the last time i got clean and it helped alot with cravings. But I think your best bet would be to see a psychiatrist and therapist because anti-depressants truly do help in the recovery process with all of our receptors being so fucked up. I dont think its necessary to try suboxone or methadone as you are clean there is no reason to start your body on the whole addiction process again... Im sorry but ithink that is bad advice cuz that will just lead you down the wrong path... A good thing would be tio find people that are goign through the same thing you are around you that you can talk to.

 

[ms4104]

I dunno if you are down.. a lot of people are not.. but I recommend some support. Either maybe an outpatient.. you go once a week, get drug tested (voluntarily) and you ahve group discussions/therapy and individual congantvei therapy is always good. Personally..I like NA. Where you are at is a miracle but you gotto keep it going. Don't giev up all you've worked for.. seriously you don't know how godo it is to have accomplished what you did.

Your life is at a fork in the road and you are going to have a great life.. had you continued to use you will have a horrible life (mine lol). I envy you.. hopefully i'll be where you are in a few months.

 

[wvboarder]

Stay strong- I found art amd music helped me sort out my mind issues-Iwas the same age amount situation and everything. It sucks but it wil get better. KeepUrHeadUp!