when the biggest thing youve ever known falls apart

[amber ::]

after the longest two years,
it was all as simple as you go your way,
and ill go mine
a phone call from time to time
a minor catch up on things
who im fucking, what drugs im taking
all in spite of the fact that you know the answer
im better now, that im lonely i guess.
i revel in the mourning of our better days,
life is funny like that.
how love sours down to a struggle
a struggle to hold yourself together,
and the inability to keep conversation
anymore more than incidental.
you think where’d it go wrong,
when it didn’t fall apart
better to believe it was a long term dream
and here in this seat i haven’t moved in weeks
my best friend was in disguise, the entire time
and with clean veins i justify,
the way luck leaves you as a monument to a forgotten saga.
i remember, quite vividly,
the day i quit loving you.
and its been every day since,
a certain torment, as if none of this had ever been right
and that page we could never land on
from a distance, was more of a dictionary,
and we were its example of forlornness
a quite joke,
after the longest two years,
we quit laughing.
quit caring, we wont be forlorn

 

[E-girl]

Without a doubt, the best thing i've read in a long time.
Not that we dont have so many talented writers in this forum, but this was one of those poems that not only grabbed me poetically,

but hit me where it hurts.

So, without being overdrawn and long-winded, bear with me while i comment this line for line. B/c i cant bring myself to just comment on one piece of this masterpiece.

after the longest two years,
it was all as simple as you go your way,
and ill go mine
a phone call from time to time
a minor catch up on things
who im fucking, what drugs im taking
all in spite of the fact that you know the answer

2 years is how long I've been with my current boyfriend too. And sometimes, it looks like it will come down to that. He's the type of person who's too strong to let the world know something means something to him.... and if we ever DID break up, i dont think anyone would ever see him falter. He would face the world just as strong. And me... i would probably fall apart. It would have to end that way -- yeah, we'll still be friends. Keep in touch. See you around. I would want to crawl into a ball and cry at his feet, but i would see him standing there expressionless, and i would force myself to hold back the tears and walk away.

And i dont think it gets much sadder than that. Two years... its such a large part of your life when you're only 24. It doesnt seem it... but that's over 700 times you went to sleep next to someone, and woke up at their side. And with time.... its something that becomes part of your routine.

[i really hope that day never comes]

all in spite of the fact that you know the answer

I talk to my ex-fiance about once a year since we broke up. We can always pick up the conversation right where we left off. And there is so much unsaid on both ends. But i know he still hasn't changed. And he knows everything i dont say. It will probably always be like that.

i revel in the mourning of our better days,
life is funny like that.
how love sours down to a struggle
a struggle to hold yourself together,

As humans, we naturally force ourselves to remember the good times. They say once you've loved someone, you never really stop loving them. Even if you grow to hate them. Part of you never lets go. I dont think my boyfriend and i struggle to make this work... but sometimes, i have to think to myself that there may be more to him that i dont know, and i give him the benefit of the doubt.

you think where’d it go wrong,
when it didn’t fall apart

Yeah, sometimes i think i knew where my relationship with my ex fell apart. I always see this vision of him and i on my front porch at my old house, and the look in his eyes when he said he'd come back, and we'd work things out... and the way i knew he never would. I think back and i think i can see all those things i know now, but didnt then, and how i could have changed things. But that's life... you cant. You live and learn. Some things cant be fixed.

my best friend was in disguise, the entire time

More and more everyday, i realize that too. Danny's not just the person i'm in love with... he's my best friend, who i'd do anything for, tell anything to. If you cant be in love with your best friend, who CAN you trust?

i remember, quite vividly,
the day i quit loving you.
and its been every day since,
a certain torment, as if none of this had ever been right

This really grabs me. I beleive this... i believe you can know the exact moment when you think you stopped caring about someone. When you are looking them in the eyes and they lie right through you... or when they hurt you that one last time... or when the only time it mattered, they didnt come home to you... Yeah, i think you will always remember that moment with clariyty. And every day after, the feeling only intensifies. Just like love. But you cant have regrets. Regret is an even worse feeling than any other i've ever known.

and that page we could never land on
from a distance, was more of a dictionary,

... this is just beautifully poetic. Great lines.

after the longest two years,
we quit laughing.
quit caring, we wont be forlorn

A fitting end.

 

[.dR spgeddi]

my best friend was in disguise, the entire time

often we feel like this when a relationship folds... but its not necessarily true.

whenever i have parted from a relationship i hope i've lost a lover and gained a friend. good luck there.

 

[amber ::]

i really appreciate your indepth comment. i hooked my old computer up last night and found all this poetry i had written last year. im glad you can relate to it. i remember all the nights i used to sit up trying to sort everything out, writing that shit, sobbing all over my keyboard. its all just emotion backed up with some words. i didnt think it would be well received.

 

[up all night]

I knew E-girl would love this because there's such a similarity in the emotions the two of you express. Although I'm sure you've probably already done it, I suggest you go look up some of her earlier work... it will be well worth your time.

 

[neverwas]

definantly worth the read...*sighs*