Hopeless when it's time

[anonymouse77]

It's hard, my mom rejected me my whole life then when dad died she wanted a closer relationship, probably just lonely.
She would never take responsibility for the past and when she died I had guilt that I did something wrong for cutting her out for years.
It's definitely not easy when the person who should love you the most don't
My inbox is always open

Thank you for your reply and kind words. Sorry to hear your mother rejected you also. My father died just over a year ago now and it's very complicated in that my parents were divorced and my mother remarried but my mother got info and "intel" on our father from the other 2 brothers. She would tell me and laugh about some crazy thing my father would say (allegedly). She would say one of the sons/my brothers told her. I found this heartless. She left him and remarried but she just couldn't stop being "involved" or needing to know everything. And she would run him down to anyone and everyone her whole life. So our dad's death didn't affect her in directly in her day to day life like it would if they were together. BUT she holds this resentment towards him and even now he has passed it's like I remind her of him and she projects that hatred onto me. She offered no basic support to me when he died except to say how he was luck to live to the age he did. Then when his will was settled she caused all this trouble by accusing me of spreading "personal business" of the middle adopted brother to his ex-wife!!! I don't even talk to this brother so it turned out it was about the will money which I didn't tell her anything of. I rang her after our dad died to tell her (haven't spoke to her since as I could tell she didn't care) and I was drinking heavily at that time and bereft. I didn't tell her about any will money as it took 6 months for that to even be finalised and distributed from his death.

Thank you for reading and listening and your kind offer.

 

[kiely]

I am sorry to hear you are not feeling the best right now. How long have you had your new cat for now?

Thank you so much.

I can't remember how long the kitty has been here for. My head still feels kind of weird and a little bit hurty.

I appreciate that.

The end of August I think and he was the tiniest little thing ever. He was as light as the air. loool.

I am out of all of the otc medicine and I didn't ask anyone to pick some up for me today.

It's going to hurt.

 

[kiely]

Anyway don't ever commit suicide because she went through all of that trouble to give birth to you and it will just make her even more mad at you, or just even more mad in general.

People like that just don't know how to talk to others. Yet. A lot of times they just don't even know what they are talking about or how to say anything productive and in a helpful manner. They just think it's all about them because they think they are the ones that are hurt and everyone owes them something. She probably doesn't even mean anything by it at all. She just doesn't know how to say it right. Or even learn how. And that's it.

So please don't let it bother you too much then. You will feel so much better when you realize it. You will really feel a whole lot better when you just don't let it bother you and just go do other things when she tries to feed off of you like that in a feeding frenzy. I'm being so serious. They aren't worth it really when you get other things going for yourself instead.

You will stay busy and find a way. Maybe try to find something to do to try to avoid her or don't spend to much time around it all. Please. Smileys. Catnip on it. What do you do with people like that. lol. I donno. k

So how old is your kitty cat ? Mines' growin. Ours. Omg such a responsibility for all.

Ya'll come back now !!!!!!!!!!

 

[xaddictx]

Thank you so much. I tried it with one picture so will see how this goes. This is the adoption photo I stole from the adoption place as it was so cute and it's hard for me to get a good photo of her myself. She is a tortoiseshell named Holly.

She's adorable!

 

[washingtonbound]

I feel it's time to check out. I just want to get my will organised and make sure it is used instead of a home will kit I did years ago and is with my mother. I have a feeling she will try to push that will as it favours her grandkids rather than my current wishes.

Also I can't really afford to get a new will done until some money I have matures next April. Last quote I got was about $400 for a will to be professionally done. I don't even have that much so I wonder if it's worth it. I'd rather just do drugs with my money and die that way.

Thank you for reading.

I have been feeling the same lately, only thing that keeps me from pulling the plug is that I know how devastated my mother would be, as I’m one of the few people in her life. She was divorced six years ago so I figure losing a husband and a son would be too much.

I realize it’s not about me, rather the extreme emotional scars it would cause others if i went through with it.

 

[anonymouse77]

honestly this just keeps the game going - If you want something from her then she keeps the power and on goes the game that you are desparate for a break from

you don't need that in order to start to heal - don't limit yourself in that way - you're worth more than that - you decide, not anyone else

Thank you for your reply and good advice. I did phone her and she answered. We might catch up for lunch but I can tell she will always be cold towards me. I either accept it and put up with it or walk away.

 

[anonymouse77]

She's adorable!

Thank you!

 

[anonymouse77]

I have been feeling the same lately, only thing that keeps me from pulling the plug is that I know how devastated my mother would be, as I’m one of the few people in her life. She was divorced six years ago so I figure losing a husband and a son would be too much.

I realize it’s not about me, rather the extreme emotional scars it would cause others if i went through with it.

Thank you for your reply. There is always a reason to go on and the bad feelings will pass. At least your mum will be devastated. Mine just tells me that only I can do anything about it if I express being suicidal (meaning kms).

 

[washingtonbound]

Thank you for your reply. There is always a reason to go on and the bad feelings will pass. At least your mum will be devastated. Mine just tells me that only I can do anything about it if I express being suicidal (meaning kms).

That sounds harsh. I’m an only child, so that would contribute to the devastation I imagine, having no kids to speak to at all

 

[-=SS=-]

I phoned my elderly mother yesterday for the first time in months and she was as cool as ice. The radio silence where she barely answers back and yet with others she is outgoing and talkative and people think she is this wonderful person. But it's not how she is with me. I told her I loved her and she just said nothing except asked how my cat was. Then when I asked her if she loved me she barely answered. I got lectures of "...when you're *nice*!" That she likes me when I'm nice, etc. Always a condition and if I speak up for myself in any way then I'm abusive and nasty and she wants nothing more to do with me. She barely wants anything to do with me as it is. Her coldness towards me has just gotten worse in her older age.

It's tremendously difficult dealing with parents who should love you unconditionally but don't, can't, or won't. I have the opposite problem with my father. I get along with both my parents, and I know we all love each other, but my father is incredibly difficult to reach on an emotional level. I think he has a lot of pain from his early life, and despite my attempts at trying to get him to open up he just can't. He has dealt with his emotions via alcohol and smoking his entire life instead. It's frustrating because I know I'll never be able to know, I can't force him to open up.

The only thing we can do is try to ensure we don't do the same to others.

 

[anonymouse77]

It's tremendously difficult dealing with parents who should love you unconditionally but don't, can't, or won't. I have the opposite problem with my father. I get along with both my parents, and I know we all love each other, but my father is incredibly difficult to reach on an emotional level. I think he has a lot of pain from his early life, and despite my attempts at trying to get him to open up he just can't. He has dealt with his emotions via alcohol and smoking his entire life instead. It's frustrating because I know I'll never be able to know, I can't force him to open up.

The only thing we can do is try to ensure we don't do the same to others.

Thank you for your reply and sharing about your family.

That is the thing with me - I don't even really know what that means. What I mean is I don't think I can relate at an emotional level either because being how I was brought up I am so out of touch with my emotions and feelings that I don't know what they even are to express them. I am quiet around others and don't talk much and I realise this is from the very unhappy and anxious family environment with constant shouting from my mother and father and 2 older males (one 17 years older so also an adult male and the other 5 years older). So the abuse has made me a mute in real life. I can type on here and express things but beyond that I am not good.

 

[anonymouse77]

I am very sad and crying and want to die but don't want to leave my cat. I have my dentist apt today (its barely 4am here) and very scared as they will be doing work but I am not happy as they admit I have decay and cavities but took no xrays so I am a bit reluctant to let them fill the tooth if they won't xray today at least.

I started the medication nuvigil on saturday and i thought it was the answer for my chronic fatigue syndrome and depression but it's making me sad now. i just want to get my money out and party with it and go out in a blaze of glory.

 

[kiely]

I am very sad and crying and want to die but don't want to leave my cat. I have my dentist apt today (its barely 4am here) and very scared as they will be doing work but I am not happy as they admit I have decay and cavities but took no xrays so I am a bit reluctant to let them fill the tooth if they won't xray today at least.

I started the medication nuvigil on saturday and i thought it was the answer for my chronic fatigue syndrome and depression but it's making me sad now. i just want to get my money out and party with it and go out in a blaze of glory.

Good Luck with your dentist appointment. Believe me you will feel a lot better when it's done !! I just had a medium cleaning. After about three days it will be rewarding and refreshing and healthy.

Just keep rinsing with mouthwash or salt water. You will be fine. Cleaning will do wonders.

Say hi to Holly. I mean it meow meow.

The dentist office is nice. Even if you just small talk with them. Tell them you are a bit nervous but you are trying your best.

A teeth cleaning will work in the long run.

CYS cee ( ya soon !! ) head up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[kiely]

They can give you a mild anesthesia as well. And it's NOT BAD at all.

Don't be scerd. Enjoy it.

 

[kiely]

There is a Regular, Medium, and Deep Cleaning.

I got mine in time. But if you keep up with it when you can you can just keep it as a Regular.

Healthy practices and clean when you feel it's good timing.

You don't always have to go though. Just keep up with it all.

Take care, it takes a while getting used to. ttyl

 

[anonymouse77]

They can give you a mild anesthesia as well. And it's NOT BAD at all.

Don't be scerd. Enjoy it.

Okay thank you so much. I am just over everything. You know what this 17 year older brother said to me the other day about my dental issues? He said the dentist probably thought I have been smoking ice or smoke ice! I have never even see ice in my life. I think that's what they call meth in Australia - I don't even know! I literally have chronic fatigue syndrome and sleep a lot - if I was on stimulants I don't think I'd be having that issue. He is such a piece of shit he said that to make me feel like shit and a junkie even though it's not even true. I hate his fucking guts.

Oh you know what else? He asked me for $600 for a new computer chair!!! I told him to use a kitchen chair like I do! Then after this I found out he and his daughter went to see Paul McCartney live AND he's bought tickets to see matchbox20 lol. He can do what he wants with his money but to ask me for money for shit for himself is wrong and show's how little respect he has for me.

 

[kiely]

Okay thank you so much. I am just over everything. You know what this 17 year older brother said to me the other day about my dental issues? He said the dentist probably thought I have been smoking ice or smoke ice! I have never even see ice in my life. I think that's what they call meth in Australia - I don't even know! I literally have chronic fatigue syndrome and sleep a lot - if I was on stimulants I don't think I'd be having that issue. He is such a piece of shit he said that to make me feel like shit and a junkie even though it's not even true. I hate his fucking guts.

Oh you know what else? He asked me for $600 for a new computer chair!!! I told him to use a kitchen chair like I do! Then after this I found out he and his daughter went to see Paul McCartney live AND he's bought tickets to see matchbox20 lol. He can do what he wants with his money but to ask me for money for shit for himself is wrong and show's how little respect he has for me.

He probably just said it to get a jab at you at the time. And then thought oh I should try to get her money too.

He really has a daughter. I mean is it his. Anyway we should leave the kid outta it but . . . he sounds like he's on something. Or drunk or a medical problem.

I bet his kid just keeps her distance too. But what a bucketmouth. Omg. I bet he gets a lot of laughs ?? With his ridicule power ?

He shouldn't be laughing at people that are hurting then ??

What if you aren't feeling well because of your med's. What's his problem. Some people like to be arrogant and I don't know why.

Maybe it's just convenient for him. Don't you have another brother ? Or just one ? He's enough.

Omg you have to get through the dentist now too.

k ttyl.

 

[anonymouse77]

He probably just said it to get a jab at you at the time. And then thought oh I should try to get her money too.

He really has a daughter. I mean is it his. Anyway we should leave the kid outta it but . . . he sounds like he's on something. Or drunk or a medical problem.

I bet his kid just keeps her distance too. But what a bucketmouth. Omg. I bet he gets a lot of laughs ?? With his ridicule power ?

He shouldn't be laughing at people that are hurting then ??

What if you aren't feeling well because of your med's. What's his problem. Some people like to be arrogant and I don't know why.

Maybe it's just convenient for him. Don't you have another brother ? Or just one ? He's enough.

Omg you have to get through the dentist now too.

k ttyl.

Thank you for your reply. Yes he really does come across as someone who's mentally slow if I said the way he carries on and the things he says but the reality is he's fairly intelligent. Probably slightly above average intelligence even. He has 2 daughters and I don't want to say much there but they go near him and his wife (their mother). He really did go to the concert - he's a huge Beatles fan and also matchbox20. We went to see matchbox20 years ago (I went with him once). He asked about the chair before I asked about him seeing paul McCartney as I knew he would want to go. I do wonder if he just says these things to get a reaction out of me (seems to work) and to me that makes it evil.

I do have another brother but this brother is my only other biological sibling. The other brother is adopted and was more a physically and verbally nasty bully to me. This bio brother plays more mind games like what I described with asking for things whereas the other brother is a bully physically and just calls me nasty names, shoves, yells, etc.

Yes I have the dentist and then tomorrow I have some fire safety inspection on my place and I feel like I am not coping.

 

[anonymouse77]

The fillings been done about 1 and a half hours ago and i think he said the numbness would last 2 1/2 hours (I think) but it's still very numb on my front lip as it was the two front top teeth that had the worst cavities he filled. Can someone please say if he fucked my mouth up with the numbing injections? It feels not right and beyond just numb and I was worried that guard thing they put in to hold the lips back might have done some damage or something. I am freaking out. It's just after 2pm here.

I was just going to try to take some paracetamol to keep ahead of the pain but i can barely sip water and scared to even try to take the pills. I tried to sip water with a straw and it was weird and confused me and freaked me out.

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

The fillings been done about 1 and a half hours ago and i think he said the numbness would last 2 1/2 hours (I think) but it's still very numb on my front lip as it was the two front top teeth that had the worst cavities he filled. Can someone please say if he fucked my mouth up with the numbing injections? It feels not right and beyond just numb and I was worried that guard thing they put in to hold the lips back might have done some damage or something. I am freaking out. It's just after 2pm here.

I was just going to try to take some paracetamol to keep ahead of the pain but i can barely sip water and scared to even try to take the pills. I tried to sip water with a straw and it was weird and confused me and freaked me out.

I think you’re okay, he may have had to numb you pretty good which can definitely last a while depending on the kind of novacane they used & how much they had to use
Try to take some deep breathes & take it easy as possible okay, you did good today amiga
Hugs