Your Vagina Grows It's OWN Dick...
(Graphic...so...you've been warned...)
Since it's February and the stench of St. Valentine's carcass still putrefies the air, I thought this tale might be an appropriate one.
Plus I wanted to get it off my taint.
Scientists say there are 279 brazillionteen nerve endings in the vagina.
I have about...fifteen: ten broke, 2 are not speaking to each other and 3 seem to be wandering around lost...
Their reaction to being touched or licked is usually, um...startled, followed by creeped out until one of them vaguely remembers these are Authorized Interactions and attempts to locate the documentation and how-to manuals...
Since there are no genuinely viable nerve endings, I thought I'd spruce up the place and get some jewelry. That way, if it didn't increase sensitivity, at least it would be pretty…I got a hood piercing. So lovely. So stupid.
Raise your hand if you know what a "skin tab" is. Put your hand down, silly. I can't see you. For those of you lucky ducks who have no idea, go eat a chocolate or listen to your favorite song or something. They are also known as "skin tags" and also, "holy fuck, what is this grody shit thingie?"
Basically, it's a gross tiny flap of unnecessary skin just growing wherever the fuck it sees fit, like on the back of your arm, or your eyelid…or, say, the top of your hood piercing, like a teeny cock.
….and I still can't feel a damn thing. So now, I have a piercing, a dead vagina, and an itty bitty dick. And nowhere to put the AAA batteries.
Anyone know how you normally get rid of these tabs? You just take a hair from your head and tie it as tight as you can around the base. It cuts off the flow of circulation, the tab dries up and falls off. Gone in 1-2-3. No big deal right?
WRONG - itchiest fucking thing in the goddamn world! It felt like a bullet ant fireball disco party in my clithole.
If my vag had a face, I woulda punched it. Suddenly, there's nerve endings. An entire East Coast electric company of fucking nerve endings and they're all taking a shower with a toaster.
After 4 days of something I can only mildly describe as 70,000 mosquito bites, shaving rash, new hair growing back, crotch critter, twat ripping agony, the damn thing finally falls off.
And then everything goes right back to dead.
Awesome.
St. Valentine is a hateful tunt.
(Graphic...so...you've been warned...)
Since it's February and the stench of St. Valentine's carcass still putrefies the air, I thought this tale might be an appropriate one.
Plus I wanted to get it off my taint.
Scientists say there are 279 brazillionteen nerve endings in the vagina.
I have about...fifteen: ten broke, 2 are not speaking to each other and 3 seem to be wandering around lost...
Their reaction to being touched or licked is usually, um...startled, followed by creeped out until one of them vaguely remembers these are Authorized Interactions and attempts to locate the documentation and how-to manuals...
Since there are no genuinely viable nerve endings, I thought I'd spruce up the place and get some jewelry. That way, if it didn't increase sensitivity, at least it would be pretty…I got a hood piercing. So lovely. So stupid.
Raise your hand if you know what a "skin tab" is. Put your hand down, silly. I can't see you. For those of you lucky ducks who have no idea, go eat a chocolate or listen to your favorite song or something. They are also known as "skin tags" and also, "holy fuck, what is this grody shit thingie?"
Basically, it's a gross tiny flap of unnecessary skin just growing wherever the fuck it sees fit, like on the back of your arm, or your eyelid…or, say, the top of your hood piercing, like a teeny cock.
….and I still can't feel a damn thing. So now, I have a piercing, a dead vagina, and an itty bitty dick. And nowhere to put the AAA batteries.
Anyone know how you normally get rid of these tabs? You just take a hair from your head and tie it as tight as you can around the base. It cuts off the flow of circulation, the tab dries up and falls off. Gone in 1-2-3. No big deal right?
WRONG - itchiest fucking thing in the goddamn world! It felt like a bullet ant fireball disco party in my clithole.
If my vag had a face, I woulda punched it. Suddenly, there's nerve endings. An entire East Coast electric company of fucking nerve endings and they're all taking a shower with a toaster.
After 4 days of something I can only mildly describe as 70,000 mosquito bites, shaving rash, new hair growing back, crotch critter, twat ripping agony, the damn thing finally falls off.
And then everything goes right back to dead.
Awesome.
St. Valentine is a hateful tunt.
