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When it rains, it fucking pours.. Drugs, WD, Got dumped and arrested twice in 2 days.

Mandii

Mandii

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 18, 2014
Messages
2
So,
I'm new to this site, I've always read peoples posts but never actually posted anything but here we go..

I'm 22, 5'3 about 110pds and I'd like to just vent a bit so thanks in advance for reading :)

Ever since I was about 15 I have been self medicating and over the years obviously it has escalated (as expected) most recently doing up to 10 bags of D a day (snorting) plus I take Wellbutrin, Lunesta, Ambien, Valium, Xanax, Kpins, pain killers of any kind but mainly oxy 30's and mixed in there is some yay, hallucinogens, weed and drinking. Pretty much anything I could get my hands on..
I decided to get clean about 3 weeks ago when I destroyed my 5 year relationship with my boyfriend. We used to get high together and had pretty good control over it for a good part of 3 years, just getting high on weekends ect. But once spliting one Oxy turned into doing 3 each and not even getting high and from doing them only on Fridays turned into Thursdays and then Saturdays too we decided to take a break, reset our tolerances if you will. Little did we know the hell we were in for. That's when we discovered Kratom online. We decided to order a few bags of Bali to help with the WD, and oh boy it did.. Gave us a nice buzz but if anyone here knows about Kratom, your tolerance rises EXTREMELY quickly. My boyfriend went with the toss and wash method and I went with making capsules. (Sorry trying to keep this as short as possible)
Eventually I wasn't feeling the buzz I craved anymore so I went into extracts (UEI specifically) at this time my boyfriend was still using bali about 10mg a day. He continued this for about 5 months in which he was just taking it to not feel like shit. I on the other hand would do oxys one day then Kratom the next then maybe be clean the next day and just pop a few lunesta/ambien and do it again (bad idea). Again eventually nothing was getting me high and that's when I did what I promised my self I would never do, Heroin.
This went on for about 3 months as my BF was tapering off his Kratom doses. I should mention that through all of this I was working a full time job and doing it well (most of the time not high at work however I would take Suboxon in between the oxys and bags just to not be sick at work(and yes I know it was effecting my highs, or there lack of))
I absolutely hated being sober (still do).. I ended up losing my job and my boyfriend got a job that same week luckily.
I am a huge gamer so when he started making money I figured I worked for a long time and I deserve a break so I took a break from work and would just do drugs and play games all day.
When I was unable to get drugs I found other ways to get a buzz, mainly talking to other guys on xbxox.. this did not end well.
One day my boyfriend was working a night shift and I met up with a guy I met on xbox and I cheated on my boyfriend (that night I picked up a bun and 3 xan bars).. Long story short I was talking to this guy through the app KIK and one day my BF got home from work and I had passed out from the drinking and drugs, phone in hand.. app open.. and a hell of a conversation.
I ended up getting kicked out and dumped and moved in with my mom temporarily, my boyfriend and I are trying to work things out now but everything is still crazy right now. I stayed at my moms for about 5 days and now I moved in with my grandmother.
It has been about three weeks since that incident and I have used oxys and H I think 3 or 4 times since, I am trying to get clean. I am still on the kratom and I still take my sleeping pills and my boyfriends Valium.

SO a few days ago I got pulled over for my headlight being out and I couldn't have gotten pulled over in a worse town.. Cop said he smelled weed in my car (which was a complete lie) ended up asking my to show him my purse and pretty much empty it out for him.. He saw my lunesta prescription bottle and asked to see it so I passsed it to him not realizing my BF had put 5 of his Valium in there so I ended up getting arrested for having a schedule 4 CDS in an improper prescription bottle and about 5 tickets (fucking asshole).. so after being cuffed to a bench for 4 hours and fingerprinted and mug shots were taken he brought me home. OH by the way I should add I was pulled over in front of my house right as I was pulling in my driveway.. so he confiscated all my pills for "evidence"
So the next day I went to Walmart to pick up some food and some personal things and I got caught shoplifting.. stupid me
I was banned from the store but I was not arrested, they let me go and I went home. Two days later I get a summons to appear in court for I guess what is considered petty theft.
So now here I am with no sleeping pills or Valuime or money or drugs..All I have now is Kratom and this really sucks
Prior to this I had no criminal record and being sober fucking sucks..
Just praying I don't get jail time.. BTW I'm from NJ
/End rant

Any advice is appreciated, sorry didn't get into detail about everything but feel free to ask if your curious..
Thanks BL,
Lost lost girl
 
I think a good place to start is try to get a lawyer who can help you with both your cases. The drugs aren't helping you and will only continue to cause problems. Are you planning to stay at your grandma's? Concentrate on getting sober and finding another job. Wish you luck and welcome to Bluelight!
 
Def try to get a lawyer. Also try to.taper off all the shit... you need to be clear headed with all these decisions. I know easier said than done. Put you first, you are young right? Plenty of fish in the sea.
 
Thanks for the replies and yes I know I shouldn't have cheated, biggest mistake of my life. I wouldn't be in all of this mess, Karma's a bitch.

Yeah I am working on getting a lawyer now though..I think I found a pretty good one who will take both cases for $1350 which seems reasonable I guess.
Also yes I am planing on staying with my grandma at least until I'm on my own two feet again..

I guess I have just been self medicating for so long I just cant imagine life with out all of it, I know that sounds horrible..
 
I'll ask in advance that you consider this constructively. You are in a place of support.

Your problems are substantial, there's no way to diminish that. Between the cheating and your legal troubles, you're not in a great situation. Bluelight does not allow specific questions on matters of the law. I believe it is, however, allowed, to ask you to consider very seriously the advice of an attorney.

I am a huge gamer so when he started making money I figured I worked for a long time and I deserve a break so I took a break from work and would just do drugs and play games all day. When I was unable to get drugs I found other ways to get a buzz, mainly talking to other guys on xbxox.. this did not end well.
Click to expand...

Allow me to get this in order. You didn't feel that your boyfriend was supportive enough. You weren't making money on your own, because you "took a break from work" because you "felt like you deserve(d) that". You couldn't obtain drugs, so you talked with other guys online. You cheated on your boyfriend, you stole from Wal-Mart (of all places), and now you're asking for help.

I'm glad that you did. Help is available to you. If you place as much effort into your self-worth as you do into manipulation, I think you'll come out of this OK. I wish you the best, and I hope you will move forward.
 
def worth getting the best lawyer you can afford... or if you know someone who nows someone who has connects in the criminal law biz, use that. After, see a psychiatrist who specialises in addiction, i don't know where you are eaactly, even here in an open minded country to a certain extent, allthough less than many of our neighbouring countries regarding drugs/abuseable pharms, waaaay more tolerant than the US... Here it's free, in your case it may be very expensive, or depend on your insurance etc. but an outpatient program, get on methadone or subs, breack the cycle of addiction, no more ups and downs, aquire a certain stability, same with benos, when you feel ready taper slowly... all this can take years and takes a large investment from your part... if you want to get out of your current situation, it's the best chance you have

good luck brother, hang in there!!! :)
 
You might also consider getting into therapy and taking a good, hard look at yourself and what's causing all this. Rarely do things just "happen" to us. I don't believe in a higher power, but I have a good idea about some sort of balance and pattern in the universe that makes things happen when they need to in order to offer us an opportunity to take a hard look at ourselves. I just got one of these recently and I am grateful. Many community resources offer therapy for free or on a sliding scale... I strongly recommend that you look into it. Treating the symptoms and taking care of the things that have already happened is not going to significantly change anything for you (though of course it's a good place to start).
 
I'm sure most of us here have been in situations as bad, and worse. You'll be ok.
Since you have no record, you'll probably get PTI and maybe some probation. Worse case, maybe forced inpatient somewhere.

And why shoplift? If you're a young girl and like to flirt, just put a sob story on some guy outside a store and flash your best sad face. You'll get whatever you need.

btw- always glad to hear from anyone in NJ.
 
Be glad things didn't get worse. Snorting a bun a day is a lot easier to deal with than shooting nearly double that. All I can really tell you is that if you want to get clean, you have to be committed and find ways to fill the void that drugs filled. This is the hardest part of recovery, in my mind at least, because of the immense amount of time and energy put into procuring and using drugs. Without that, what is there in your life? For me, there wasn't/isn't much. I was clean for a substantial amount of time, 2 years to be exact, and was successful in that time by keeping busy constantly. This was especially important in the first few months. I don't recommend you repeat what I did, but I decided to replace heroin with lots and lots of alcohol. Then after a few close calls with alcohol poisoning, I swore that off and only smoked pot from then on. It was truly less that then it was keeping occupied with a new job and new friends. Any time spent idle, I would think about getting high and avoiding that was priority #1 for me.

Also, like the previous poster said, always good to see another poster from NJ. I take it you live in a suburban town by your description of it being a bad town to get pulled over in. I live out in the boonies and the way cops treat you out here compared to say Newark is very different. In a small town, they love to nail anyone with a drug arrest. I imagine it helps both via fines for the municipality and possibly through increased funding for drug enforcement.
 
Your legal problems are pretty minor IMO so don't freak about those. Like everyone else said consult some criminal attorneys and get an idea at what your options are. The unknown is the scariest part of any legal situation. After that I suggest some kind of drug treatment. It will look good to the courts and will but you some breathing room with family and friends. Also try to find some kinda work it will help pass the time and put cash in your pocket. Sounds to me that you have 2 options. Continue on the
Opiates and benzos until you are stopped forcibly by the cops your family or death. Or take at least a break and put your shit in order then decide what you want to do. The drugs will still be there in a few months that's a promise!
 
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