When is it OK for a man to hit a woman?

[Anic118]

Rather than hit a woman you could just get her to make another sandwich. And this time cut it into triangles

Throw in a beer and you got a deal!!! Lol


In all seriousness though I have never ever been in a situation where violence was necessary or made anything better. You can break it down and figure out the right answer for each hypothetical situation, but when it comes down to it just don't hit people period. There's always a point where you can just walk away and not even put yourself in that situation in the first place.

 

[LuGoJ]

If i was attacked by a woman, was unable to restrain her by other means and felt that my life was in danger then i would not hesitate to do what's necessary to protect myself. The same goes for a confrontation with a man, i will always try to restrain before striking.

 

[little BIG Pecker]

If i was attacked by a woman, was unable to restrain her by other means and felt that my life was in danger then i would not hesitate to do what's necessary to protect myself. The same goes for a confrontation with a man, i will always try to restrain before striking.

Well said young LuGo

 

[ATLL765]

Throw in a beer and you got a deal!!! Lol


In all seriousness though I have never ever been in a situation where violence was necessary or made anything better. You can break it down and figure out the right answer for each hypothetical situation, but when it comes down to it just don't hit people period. There's always a point where you can just walk away and not even put yourself in that situation in the first place.

That's not always the case though. You can't always avoid it. You might be a reasonable person, but not everyone else is.

I've had a girl hit me with real force a couple times, but even then I did nothing because she was 5' and 90lbs. Though I'm only 5'5" and 105lbs, there was no way in hell I was hitting a girl when the cops being called was a legitimate concern. I know for a fact no man is getting the benefit of the doubt from the police in that situation. Funny enough, she ended up getting arrested for dv after calling the police one day. To give you an idea of the kind of plane of reality she was living on, she called the police because I wasn't doing exactly as she said and had asked her why exactly she wanted me to drive somewhere after she had called the cops on me 20 mins earlier for locking her out of my car after she poured a cup of coffee on my head. That was where I tried to "walk away", but the cops there were more interested in getting two people in an argument off of mall property than they were with what was going on, so back in my car she went. She only called the police the 2nd time after she had punched, bit and scratched me. The fact that she was in the back seat while I was driving made it hard to imagine that I was doing much in the way of harming her, which is why I think I didn't get arrested that day. I still have a scar on my hand 4 months later from the bite so it wasn't like she was just fooling around or was a little mad at me for understandable reasons.

While I didn't hit her then, she once told me she would cut me open while there were a few knives within arm's reach and had she grabbed one, I might have actually had to hurt her. Though I would definitely attempt to restrain before actually hitting her, I wouldn't be too keen on letting her stab me just because I didn't want to hurt a girl.

Had arrest not been a concern, this girl wasn't a close friend of mine and I'd not been more concerned with not bleeding all over my expensive coat, I might have hit her the first time she became violent with me, lol.

 

[MyDoorsAreOpen]

I have a different take on this, and I'm going to touch a nerve here.

I think this endless controversial debate is actually a proxy, or even red herring, for an issue that's surprisingly much harder to talk about frankly, and tends to make the mood much more awkward. I'm talking here about the social fiction we keep up in society that being a potential physical threat no longer has any bearing on a man's social status. Well, as a man of slight build and gentle nature, I've been shown numerous times just how much a fiction this is.

Reread One Thousand Words' post on page 1. Show me any man who says what he says with true conviction, and I'll show you a man who is probably big, obviously strong, and has many subtle physical and personality traits of a high testosterone male. This is not at all incompatible with being kind and loving in deeds and words -- as many women will conclude when they dig deep, "I want a nice guy made of badboy material." Such guys have nothing to prove to anyone, since just one look at them is all it takes 95% of people to know subconsciously that angering them is a bad idea. It's all about potential, not actual, violence. You either come off to people as someone with the unrealized capacity to do them harm, and you automatically get a good bit of respect, or you don't and you'll always have something to prove.

When a woman physically assaults a man, his status in the hierarchy of who has the potential to kick whose ass gets put into sharp focus, both for him and for others who witness or hear about the attack. For a clearly potentially menacing male who has nothing to prove to other men, simply refusing to take the female attacker seriously (let alone fight back) is the obvious solution. But for a man who isn't potentially menacing to anyone and has been differentially singled out for mistreatment at various points in his life, he's in a bit of a lose-lose situation. If he hits back, then he's showing everyone just how lowly and insecure he is. If he refuses to hit back, he stands an actual chance of being injured (most women are not THAT physically weak, especially ones who'd initiate a fistfight), or at the very least probably won't be able to deflect her attack gracefully on a moment's notice, and makes people think, "Wow, he's so wimpy even a girl can beat him up!" (And/or, "Wow, he's such a fool that he's an ass to people who are clearly willing and able to beat him up!")

So yes, while I agree that women are on average less physically threatening than men, I reckon that nine times out of ten, a man self-righteously enshrining this bit of chivalry is actually indirect advertising that he's top dog. And due to this indisputable general fact of sexual dimorphism, no man can say anything but nod in agreement, lest they both challenge the alpha male, and make themselves look lowly and depraved, in one fell swoop.

I'm against physical violence in general, always have been. I generally do my best to not do anything to anyone that would make most people angry enough to hit me. Or maybe I've just opted to run in social circles where people have too much to lose to resort to physical retaliation 99.9% of the time. But apparently I learned this lesson a bit too well. I was too people-stupid to realize that even in a world where actual physical violence is rarely seen, the perceived potential you have to bring physical harm on those who've wronged you still remains a key ingredient to how others regard and relate to you, at least as a male.

This is really the key to understanding my darker side and why I'm paradoxically both a humanitarian and a loner. I've got more of myself to give, and a deeper well of compassion, the less navigating of human (especially male) hierarchies of dominance I endure.

 

[little BIG Pecker]

I think it's wrong to hit a man to if you're physically superior to the guy as well. Its much easier to grapple and contain someone if you're a lot stronger. I'm only hitting someone if I feel like I really have to, and that would be someone that was a true treat.

This same concept would apply to an animal that attacked to. If I had a weapon, I might use it on a charging pit bull, but I wouldn't use it on a smaller dog.

I'm still trying to picture a man being in a fist fight with a woman (& justifying it) and I just can't picture it. Maybe if she physically more dominant and he had to protect himself.

 

[SOMECHiCKk]

Even they do deserve it... You know what the outcome would be... So I would suggest stop seeing this person cause the day that you hit her more then likely your gonna be dealing with a DV case... My friend recently went through something like this.. His baby mama fly kicked his ass and started beating him up for being a few minutes late to pick up his kids...he tried to scare her so he had in his van his kids water toy gun and pointed it at her... She knew it was fake but she called the police and said he hit her... Long story short she has a restraining order on him and he can't see his kids for three years they can only talk to him on the phone but his baby mama don't even pick up the phone....

 

[ParappaTheRapper]

...

 

[little BIG Pecker]

I'm reminded of ryan dunn fighting that kick boxer.

Anyway, the whole thread concept seems a little sexist to me. What about like kill bill. Or, i dunno. Anything like that. Or a superhero. Obviously these are fake, but, i mean, we just...dont...like martial arts orrrr?

Plus, not to stir up any bad vibes, but; what about women who will only respond to getting hit??

And. What about like, two lesbians, raising...maybe a 11 year old boy. They very well may likely hit eachother.

I could think of a thousand other examples.

Or the tom boy who eggs on a friend to drink then pushes him and makes him sound violent to just speak his mind.

I still believe in grappling and using submission holds over striking. I'm not sure what I would do if a raging meth-head woman attacked me & wouldn't give up. Luckily for me, I stay away from situations like that. Even talking your way out of a fight can be effective. I've done this to men who I knew I could clearly kick their ass; but I'm not a prideful guy, and I don't care about proving a point or gaining recognition.

I guess if the woman was more alpha than the man, then maybe the man has a right. I'm always wrestling, not striking.

 

[RollYourBoat]

As a lady, if I ever hit anybody, I would thoroughly expect for them to swing back, man or not. It's ridiculous for us to think that we can go around throwing punches, and get no retaliation because of some "fairer species" crap.
That being said, she didn't hit you, and obviously you didn't hit back. If you had, then I'd fall middle ground on it. If you seriously thought she was a threat, self defense all the way. But if you didn't, I'd find it a little excessive, because a hold/restraint would have been just as effective.
Nonetheless, I wouldn't be all pissy about it. We are a fight or flight species, and men generally fall in the fight range. Besides, maybe next time she'd think about who she was trying to throw down with

 

[realtalkloc]

never hit someone weaker than you. You're not a man if you're going to hit someone weaker than you, whether it be a guy or a girl.

 

[Psychonauticunt]

never hit someone weaker than you. You're not a man if you're going to hit someone weaker than you, whether it be a guy or a girl.

I don't believe in this, because some people will use this to their advantage. I have never done it, but the threat of it has made it stop. If a girl expects that you'll hold up to the code and then hits you, that's abusing your stance. One time I'd had enough I threatened then and there to walk out on the relationship, making it very clear that if she believed that I would retaliate, she would never hit me, because that wouldn't end well. I told her that I'd rather leave, but that if I didn't and she proceeded to do it again, I'd hit her back. Not with full force, obviously, but not a slap either.

Nobody is allowed to hit anyone, and the stronger party is especially immoral if he/she abuses it, but I also reserve the right to self-defence. I always prefer a non-violent solution but I am not going to condone unilateral violence. Being smaller or being a girl does not give you the right to physically abuse others while enjoying full inviolability of their own body.

 

[ParappaTheRapper]

...

 

[Draven26]

I definitely don't agree with laying your hands on a women because I tend to be old fashioned. But now.. it doesn't mean I haven't thought about it! lol shit one time I was dating this bitch who was married and lied to me about it.. and we were kidding around and I told her I didn't think she was going to punch me in the face.. so she did and made my lips bleed. So it wasn't a big deal, didn't hurt or anything. I went to go wash my mouth and she comes at me calling me a pussy and telling me I shouldn't cry about it. Holy fuck I snapped at that bitch! My exact words were, "I didn't say a fucking thing you dumb cunt.. you really calling me a pussy right now? How about you take your 2 cent nasty ass self and go back to your husband because you were only a hole that my dick wanted to dive into.. go back to your husband right now before I knock you the fuck out. I'm way too young and good looking to be stuck with a nasty hoe like yourself.. and I got bitches texting me left and right so I'm not wasting another minute on you.. get the fuck out of my house now!" The look on her face was priceless! Now I respect women.. and I adore them! But if it's one thing I hate is women who are conniving, heartless, liars who try to use you for sex.. fuck that.. not on my watch! I've been hurt way too many times and I got sick and tired of being the nice guy! Bitches be trippin!

 

[Corazon]

I'm talking here about the social fiction we keep up in society that being a potential physical threat no longer has any bearing on a man's social status. Well, as a man of slight build and gentle nature, I've been shown numerous times just how much a fiction this is.
....

I'm against physical violence in general, always have been. I generally do my best to not do anything to anyone that would make most people angry enough to hit me. Or maybe I've just opted to run in social circles where people have too much to lose to resort to physical retaliation 99.9% of the time. But apparently I learned this lesson a bit too well. I was too people-stupid to realize that even in a world where actual physical violence is rarely seen, the perceived potential you have to bring physical harm on those who've wronged you still remains a key ingredient to how others regard and relate to you, at least as a male.

Interesting that you say that. Having gone from a guy who was a good athlete and physically more dominant at that time than all but the strongest males, to having 2 open heart surgeries and an array of health problems, I really notice the whole male-dominance posturing now. I do not participate, and when I see it now, I tend to be annoyed(especially if said male mistook me for being in that social posture dance and starts to encroach my personal space) and as a defense mechanism I tend to start thinking of the person as primitive or low-class. I try to just see it as natural but that can be difficult.

Anyway back to the question - Any time self-defense is necessary.

 

[little BIG Pecker]

I don't believe in this, because some people will use this to their advantage. I have never done it, but the threat of it has made it stop. If a girl expects that you'll hold up to the code and then hits you, that's abusing your stance. One time I'd had enough I threatened then and there to walk out on the relationship, making it very clear that if she believed that I would retaliate, she would never hit me, because that wouldn't end well. I told her that I'd rather leave, but that if I didn't and she proceeded to do it again, I'd hit her back. Not with full force, obviously, but not a slap either.

Nobody is allowed to hit anyone, and the stronger party is especially immoral if he/she abuses it, but I also reserve the right to self-defence. I always prefer a non-violent solution but I am not going to condone unilateral violence. Being smaller or being a girl does not give you the right to physically abuse others while enjoying full inviolability of their own body.

I don't believe in this, if someone is significantly weaker than you, it is a sin in my book to punch them in their face. Using submission moves, take-downs, head locks is all that is needed to contain the fight. You're being the better person by not fighting. And I believe it takes a true man or a woman to talk their self out of a fight (even if you know you can clearly kick their ass).

Seems like these days, you have too many punk kids wanting to fight everyone (Generation Z kids), both men & women. It seems like everyone is so prideful & self centered about getting recognition (especially around their friends).

Everyone is so worried about getting punked or looking bad, so they revert to fighting

I've actually talked myself out of fights with drunk guys in bars. I'd say I'd end up befriended them, and sometimes even buying them drinks.

 

[Psychonauticunt]

I don't believe in this, if someone is significantly weaker than you, it is a sin in my book to punch them in their face. Using submission moves, take-downs, head locks is all that is needed to contain the fight. You're being the better person by not fighting. And I believe it takes a true man or a woman to talk their self out of a fight (even if you know you can clearly kick their ass).

It is also a sin in mine, but that is completely independent of the fact that it is also a sin for a weaker person to punch you in the face. And let's not get it twisted; if an average woman takes a proper, pissed-off swing at your face, it does actually hurt.
The way I see it, I did talk myself out of the fight. Sure, you can overpower them without hurting them - restraint, submission - but that doesn't calm them down, and even that is getting physically confrontational. It also reinforces the "I will now physically overpower you" aspect. Instead, I basically said "You're not allowed to do that, and technically I have some sort of right to retaliate, even - but I'm not going to, because I'm against violence. I'm not going to be in a relationship with any kind of physical violence - if you start getting violent, I am not going to put up with it by physically restraining the situation, because that's not a long-term solution - no, I'm going to walk out." You're being the better person by restraining them instead of punching them, but you're being an even better person by not using any form of physical force.

Also to clarify, I didn't mean "I'm walking out of this house right now, and if you hit me again, I'm gonna clock you right in the jaw." I told her that if she continues pulling this kind of shit - ie. throwing heavy objects and hitting me with a closed fist - and I force myself to stay in this situation, then at some point it'll go too far and I'll throw one back. I wouldn't have, because the whole point was that I would rather pre-emptively leave than face that situation.

I wasn't so much defending the right of men to hit women - and I really hope that's not what you took from my post - as much as I was criticizing the inference that a select few women draw from this: that they are allowed to use violence, but you are not. Nobody gets to punch anyone, or else I'm leaving.

I have never hit a woman and will always run from a fight if I can, or try to talk it out. I just felt that it was a pretty concrete way to clarify my stance on violence and the future of the relationship: either both commit to non-violence, or I'm outta here. If you can't promise not to hit me but justify it with the fact that I'm bigger, then that's not a relationship I want any part in.

Seems like these days, you have too many punk kids wanting to fight everyone (Generation Z kids), both men & women. It seems like everyone is so prideful & self centered about getting recognition (especially around their friends).

Everyone is so worried about getting punked or looking bad, so they revert to fighting

I've actually talked myself out of fights with drunk guys in bars. I'd say I'd end up befriended them, and sometimes even buying them drinks.

I have noticed the same thing and it pisses me off; when I was a kid, I had both respect and fear for my elders - I wouldn't start running my mouth on the street to guys that are taller than me, have facial hair and tattoos and shit. I've also never thought of it as anything other than intelligent and respectable to run from a fight.

Summa summarum: It is never OK for anyone to hit anyone.

 

[little BIG Pecker]

It is also a sin in mine, but that is completely independent of the fact that it is also a sin for a weaker person to punch you in the face. And let's not get it twisted; if an average woman takes a proper, pissed-off swing at your face, it does actually hurt.
The way I see it, I did talk myself out of the fight. Sure, you can overpower them without hurting them - restraint, submission - but that doesn't calm them down, and even that is getting physically confrontational. It also reinforces the "I will now physically overpower you" aspect. Instead, I basically said "You're not allowed to do that, and technically I have some sort of right to retaliate, even - but I'm not going to, because I'm against violence. I'm not going to be in a relationship with any kind of physical violence - if you start getting violent, I am not going to put up with it by physically restraining the situation, because that's not a long-term solution - no, I'm going to walk out." You're being the better person by restraining them instead of punching them, but you're being an even better person by not using any form of physical force.

Also to clarify, I didn't mean "I'm walking out of this house right now, and if you hit me again, I'm gonna clock you right in the jaw." I told her that if she continues pulling this kind of shit - ie. throwing heavy objects and hitting me with a closed fist - and I force myself to stay in this situation, then at some point it'll go too far and I'll throw one back. I wouldn't have, because the whole point was that I would rather pre-emptively leave than face that situation.

I wasn't so much defending the right of men to hit women - and I really hope that's not what you took from my post - as much as I was criticizing the inference that a select few women draw from this: that they are allowed to use violence, but you are not. Nobody gets to punch anyone, or else I'm leaving.

I have never hit a woman and will always run from a fight if I can, or try to talk it out. I just felt that it was a pretty concrete way to clarify my stance on violence and the future of the relationship: either both commit to non-violence, or I'm outta here. If you can't promise not to hit me but justify it with the fact that I'm bigger, then that's not a relationship I want any part in.



I have noticed the same thing and it pisses me off; when I was a kid, I had both respect and fear for my elders - I wouldn't start running my mouth on the street to guys that are taller than me, have facial hair and tattoos and shit. I've also never thought of it as anything other than intelligent and respectable to run from a fight.

Summa summarum: It is never OK for anyone to hit anyone.

I hear ya man. I was probably being a little biased about the situation about how "I" would approach it. Fighting is actually my greatest natural skill, and I would only have a problem with someone as quick & powerful as me or someone much bigger than me with some with athleticism. I'm only 5'9 175 Ibs, but I've out wrestled guys twice my size (they didn't know how to fight tough). If I didn't have any skill, I'd probably handle many fighting situations different. Since I can probably knock out a muel with a hook shot, I try to using striking as a last resort. I don't mean to brag but it is what it is.

 

[Psychonauticunt]

I hear ya man. I was probably being a little biased about the situation about how "I" would approach it. Fighting is actually my greatest natural skill, and I would only have a problem with someone as quick & powerful as me or someone much bigger than me with some with athleticism. I'm only 5'9 175 Ibs, but I've out wrestled guys twice my size (they didn't know how to fight tough). If I didn't have any skill, I'd probably handle many fighting situations different. Since I can probably knock out a muel with a hook shot, I try to using striking as a last resort. I don't mean to brag but it is what it is.

Fighting is very far from my greatest natural skill, but I'm 6'4" and I served in the army, specifically in the military police, which involved a bit of krav maga and other hand-to-hand combat. That's definitely true, though - if you are both strong and able to fight, then you have a greater responsibility, since you have more control over the amount of damage you can inflict.

I'm confident that against the average Joe I'd stand a pretty good chance, but there are still two reasons for me to run. Firstly, I hate violence, and if nobody gets hurt then that's a win for everyone. Second, unless you are the coldest motherfucker in the world, there is always someone tougher than you - and you can't recognize those guys outward. What's more, I always assume they may have a weapon, or they may have a buddy somewhere, so if I have a line of escape, that's what I'll do. I wouldn't hesitate if it came down to it, but I rely more on avoiding the situations before they arise or escalate. Being taller than average also helps, because if we're talking about random violence or muggings, there are always smaller, easier-looking targets about - if I was a mugger, I would leave the 6-footers well the fuck alone unless they looked clearly inebriated or were flashing huge amounts of money.

 

[little BIG Pecker]

I hear ya man. I can see your philosophy on handling the fighting situations. You can't always assume particular things & you definitely can't trust everyone. If a 6'4 ft (in shape) attacked me, I would definitely revert to a boxing mode, and hopefully I have a lot of space to move/dance around the target because I wouldn't want to try to out muscle the man in grappling.