When I smoke, I smoke.

I got upset last night over weed. I'm running out of my current bag and soon enough I'll be on the prowl for new nuggets. I made a few feeler calls last night to assess the availability. It's not looking good.

However, if I wanted to go down to my old fallen-out OC dealer and pick up a few 40's or even some methadone, no problem. Even though the last time I saw him I tried to choke the guy; he'd still sell me whatever.

Selling pot in a state like mine really doesn't make a lot of sense. There are such steep penalties for such a harmless drug (not going too deep on that). Just for selling/growing a little, you'll most definitely get a felony charge on your record if you get busted. Even if that charge gets dismissed through court, it'll still be on your criminal record until you get it expunged ($400-1000 depending on severity of charge).

I would know. I still need to do this. My criminal record has already cost me one job opportunity. I even passed the piss test and right at the end HR called and said they were sorry. They couldn't hire me because of the "pending charges." Of course, they were not pending. I had them dismissed through probation & treatment. That all cost over $2000 but...they still want more. All of that for some weed.

I can pay for it all right now too, if I wanted. I have the money. I already filed my taxes and got my return via direct-deposit. It's strange how when you come into a little money you can immediately find ways you should spend it. Then after reality sets in, you find ways to really spend it.

I'm just daydreaming at this point however.

I'm Sitting on the toilet on Sunday morning, shitting, waiting to go upstairs to get ready. I'm going to church today. Not just any church either, a Baptist church. My significant other really enjoys this shit. I don't get it but I hope our differences in spirituality don't end the relationship. But, if anything were going to do it, i'd be it'd be the God stuff.

I just have a problem believing in anything that doesn't exist.

 

There are a surprising number of non-theists in churches; although maybe not baptist ones. Many go for the music, or the social aspect, or to please their SO. Often a combination of the three. Does s/he know that you don't believe?

 

Yea she does. It has been an issue before when I told her I never wanted to attend church. But I enjoy some of the people I go with now. They're good people. I do have a sincere doubt about their sanity though, seriously. I just don't think about God and Jesus every waking hour like they do. I don't see how it's possible. The only thing I can liken it to is how religiously I maintained my opiate habit for about a half a year. What was it that Marx said...something about opiates?

I really have no idea how this issue will play out in our lives though. My SO is really really into going. She prays all the time and has been acting more and more disappointed by my lack of enthusiasm about Jesus.

We've been together for 4 years and only recently has it become a priority to attend church. I'm thinking it's a sign of things/changes to come.