• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

What's your biggest fear ?

I believe there may be a significant mental correlation between the two, but my biggest fears are as follows:

1. Not learning from a very pivotal experience in my life.
2. Becoming truly happy, only to experience death very shortly after.

What am I trying to do to change this fear that holds me back? Therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. Also, I am simply trying to learn from that experience. I realize that I have no control over what will ultimately happen, but I do have some control over what will happen moment to moment, as well as how I react to the moment.
 
Last edited:
things, like your entire life can change so fast...

i deeply fear getting lost in a loop with 2010~
this is the bar by which all(good&bad) is compared now.

i retain optimism knowing, that things like your entire life can, and do change quicker then you know, for good or bad..


but ~ the understanding of forever is not easy to forget, or accept as over.
idk what im going to do with any sincerity to divert and progress, but not knowing only means theres more to learn.

i can accept and recognize my efforts, and know im not a failure, the feeling of failing the hearts of others though, is gob-smacking shame and pain.
too much-
too much.



:|
 
Living a pointless life that many around me seem content to leed. Doing nothing but getting a shitty job that you hate and kill yourself at everyday, getting married to someone you don't love and just nags at you all day, having 1.5 kids and a SUV in the drive. Preetty much suburban hell is one of my greatest fears.

No doubt about it dying completely alone with no g/f or anyone to give a fuck if im dead or alive would be my greatest fear. I can't really think of a worst thing then that.
 
That this is as good as it's going to get. This is the time when I should be doing all those things I didn't get around to doing when I the kids were at home and I'm not doing anything with it.

So many people around my age have died over the last few years that the possibility I may never get around to doing the shit I'm now free to do seems very real.
 
My current biggest fear is quitting alcohol. I know I have to do it, but I know it's going to be so so hard. More to the point I'm scared of what my life will be like without alcohol. It's been a part of me for so long. I don't know who I am without it.
To a lesser extent I'm scared of having to admit/explain to my family and friends why I can't/don't drink anymore.

It's not going to turn me off quitting, because like I said, it MUST be done. But it's certainly making me procrastinate...
 
"As to explaining to people why you can't drink anymore... that's easy! I tend to say 'yeah, its just not worth it anymore. If I drink on a Friday it takes me three days to recover anymore and I don't want top waste my weekend' or 'nah, I've been diggin' being on-point lately, I'm enjoying having a clear head' things like that (said in a nonchalant manner) have always worked. The most typical response is a head nod of agreement."

bingo, i never had any worry or thoughts about this until i actually was serious, and actually did stop.
anyone who cares, but initially feels some rejection, will be happy for you later.
and maybe decide the same on their own at some point.

doing as OD suggested, and brushing it off, becomes natural, because its true too!

at first for me, it felt awkward, like i didnt have enough will and selfcontrol to be able to have a couple, the opposite of what feelings i expected - heh. but eventually, i knew i didnt want the stuff in my body, it is corrosion and addiction.
the most frustrating thing now, is wasting a bottle of pinot, or chenin cooking with only so much, haha.

being around people though, who get all pompous and mighty, looking down on people openly who are using, are normally on their way to spin out, trying hard to sound&feel higher and convincing...


anyways, i hate seeing that crude crud string people along to create, and then exasperate depression/misery/lack of self control.
 
OverDone said:
I can relate. My usage was a big part of my identity. It was easy to 'define' myself as a junkie. Turns out I now realize that my 'identity' wasn't at all who I was.
Click to expand...

That's exactly what I realized when I went through outpatient. I thought drugs WERE who i WAS. :|

I was helped a lot realizing they weren't.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top